I would add to my list that FALSE accusations of abuse, the one falsely accusing would be subject to the same fate as if they were a proven abuser.

After all, making a false accusation for personal gain is a form of abuse.

EE, I would go so far as to suggest false accusations can be even more damaging. If it weren't for people like that, you would never have to doubt someone claiming abuse. Some abusers have such a stranglehold on their victims, their victims are too frightened to try to leave. The ordeal of having to prove it and the fear of failing and having to go back to a now angry abuser can be paralyzing. Those who falsely claim abuse are directly responsible for many who suffer in fear and silence as a result. IMO.

As someone who has gone through the ordeal of being falsely accused, the stigma never really goes away. My exWW had filed 3 Protection of Abuse orders against me - first one was dismissed by her by the recommendation of her lawyer, and the other two were dismissed after hearings. Of course, my exWW gave the schools copies of the restraining orders prior to them being dismissed.

A few weeks ago, I had asked DS7's teacher if I could chaperone the school trip. ExWW was going too. The teacher told me she wasn't comfortable with me attending because of the past "DV" incidents.

Of course, I told the teacher that all of the allegations were dismissed and in fact exWW was sanctioned for filing false charges but still, the stigma is still there. It's really a shame that laws designed to protect people have ended up being used as a key tool in divorce litigation. With just 6 words, " I am affraid of my husband", someone can get kicked out of their house, ordered supervised visitation with the kids, unreal support ordered, and an edge in property division. All with little or no evidence needed.

This really hits the bullseye. I'd go so far as to say that many view it more as an available 'weapon' rather than a mere 'tool'. There are plenty of folks out there who truly believe that, similar to love and war, all is is fair in divorce, and have no problem encouraging a spouse to wield this particular weapon -- regardless of the collateral damage inflicted upon the recipient or the legitimacy of the claim.

Ever hear the phrase about bringing a knife to a gunfight?

I have heard enough snippets to know that WW is wearing that holster and it ain't empty. Sure, she may let it lie as we continue through the process, but I at least know what the possibilities are. I hate the idea of having to play nice even though she had her fun little thing going on, but what price do I pay for implementing plan FU? Do I really want to increase my chances of seeing the outcome illustrated by PSUBIKER? No, I don't.

Thanks,
TBC

I'm with you, TBC.

I've never been prone to angry confrontations, screaming and yelling, name calling, or threats, much less actual physical violence. I have been a conflict avoider all my life and that probably contributed to our withdrawal from the marriage.

Nonetheless, I am completely minding my P's and Q's around her (and the kids) until this thing is settled. Not so much as a stern word will leave my mouth, and I will walk away if it comes from her.

Hey schtoop,

I'm a fairly docile creature myself. Sure, I can mix it up if sufficiently provoked, but AOs were never my achilles heal.

Very shortly, I get to see what all of my 'laying low' has earned me. (Yeah, I launched a few missiles after getting verification of the PA, but geez, who wouldn't???)

You are playing it cool. Good for you. I am trying my best to do the same. I get blamed for some pretty lame stuff, though. Sometimes I wonder if she is truly shocked that I can tie my shoes in the morning.

Well, I just hope the initial offer is fair. If not, ugh......

TBC

PSUBIKER- I didn't realize your ex made those accusations against you. As low as waywards can go in all their lies, what she did is truly disgusting and horrible. And unfortunately I know it happens all too often.

When you say she was sanctioned for making false charges, what actually happened to her?

Can you sue her for slander?