What exactly should i do? I'm not sure what to think. I'm not sure what to do. I can barely believe that she'd want to leave me, let alone that shes having an affair. Should i confront them? I'd blow up...

No don't confront them, they will just deny it...trust me!!

Tell everyone!

Family
friends
co-workers
her family and friends
Church friends
Pastor

Tell everyone that your wife have left because she is having an A with so and so (who ever his name is)

Once you expose start being in plan A

Read this

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1640788&page=1

1) Move back in. It's your place. If she won't let you in, call the cops and have yourself let in. It's your place and she cannot legally get you out.

2) Snoop all you can and cut off all access to this OM. He's the one fooling around with your WW. Get some sort of proof, and expose immediately. I'd also maybe get some "big" friends to confront this OM and get him to leave your WW alone and cut off all contact.

3) If you can't get NC and things don't improve quickly (within 2-3 months), file for D and move on. I don't care how long you've been together. You are young and don't have any kids together and there are PLENTY of better women out there that won't cheat on you after 50 years, much less 11 months of marriage. The last thing you want is for her to pull this again 15 years from now and break up your family when you have children. Is this the ideal person you want mothering your children, teaching them right from wrong?

I agree with JMWC you need to move back in! You helped get that place, move back in when she is not there, and say..

"I helped get this place, its mine just as much it is yours. If you don't like it...THEN YOU LEAVE!"

If you dont have the keys to the place, buy new locks, break in and change them

I think i need more proof before i do anything. Him just being there does not even tell me they're having an affair at all. I dont mean to be an idiot, but how can i get more proof, if they're cheating they'd just do it at our place where i already know they go sometimes.

GET BACK IN YOUR PLACE!!!!

If you want to wait to get more proof that is your choice, we can't make you do anything, just advise.

But seriously you really need to move back in...

You are still married, that is still your place, get it back!!

Are you gunna let her walk all over you while she is cheating and sleeping with another man in your place?

Get some balls and do what is right!

MOVE back in...sorry if I'm yelling, but you really gotta think about this.

she has threatened to leave the state and change her name if i pushed for being in the home.I am affraid that because i have not lived there before they will not recognize it as my home.

It's easier to figure out that your WW is cheating if you actually live with her. That is why she locked you out, so it is harder to catch her. Once home, you can also prevent OM from entering your place. He is not welcome.

About OM, are you bigger than him? More physically intimidating? I would go visit him with a bunch of your friends (to keep you from doing something stupid), get in his face, and tell him he is not welcome having any contact with your WW anymore and he better back off. I would then go to his parents and explain to them that after he broke up with his GF, he and your WW started hanging out more, and now she is being secretive and wants to move out. Tell them you know something is going on and you will be looking for proof and that they should advise their son not to meddle with another man's wife. At his age, parents may have some influence over him.

BFD. Idle threats. What will happen if she leaves the state and change her name? YOU DON'T NEED DOCUMENTATION THAT IT IS YOUR HOME. It is her home and you are married. Therefore, it is YOUR HOME! Besides, just get some documentation and take it to a locksmith to let you in. Then change the locks to a key you have if you can't find the other one. Grow a pair and stand up to your wife.

BTW, you wife has ZERO respect for you because you will just do whatever she tells you to do like a puppy dog. Newsflash. You don't have to do everything she tells you. You can take control instead of ceding everything to her. You being a tough, strong man although pissing her off, would make you much more attractive in her eyes.

Lets think about it this way. Lets assume that it is a PA like you are being told.

Every night you are not in that house they are engaging in SF. That means OM has direct and free access to create that bond with YOUR wife while you are twiddling your thumbs at your moms house.

GET BACK IN THE HOUSE TODAY.

Will she be POed, yes. So what. You will be denying OM secret access to your wife, that should be a fair trade for you.

Call her bluff.

If things continue on like they are now, your marriage is over.

If you peacefully move back to your home and start trying to win her affections back, and she actually makes good on this threat, then your marriage is still over, but at least you will respect yourself better!! You will be more equipped to deal with the loss of the marriage.

OR, if you peacefully move back, you might win her back to a marriage that is better than ever before.

You can roll over and do nothing because she might end it all. But she's already ended it all. How much worse can it get? And if you do nothing, you will hate yourself for not trying.

Lets think about this SOME MORE shall we??

WHEN you move back in, the worst is that she will change her name and move out of state??..so what? Would you rather stay at your parents house while she is having sex with your friend in YOUR BED!!?

Or would you rather move back in take control of your marriage and fix anything that is left?

Chances are she wont move out of state...she will move in with the guy she is sleeping with...and that my friend will be enough proof that SHE IS CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!

DO us all a big favor, and get in that house like...YESTERDAY!!

Talk to a lawyer so you can find out your fears are unfounded. You'll be able to do a lot more when you're not afraid. Unless this home was purchased in her name, it's yours, too.

Do you own the home outright, or are you paying a mortgage?

And, again, call her bluff!

It is a trailer home, its in her name, and there is a lease on the lot, also in her name.

stev,

There are people here who have recovered healthy marriages full of romantic love from far worse than this. Just so you know.

Nobody would blame you for throwing in the towel if she is in adultery, especially this early in marriage. In fact, many of us here could provide you some great support if that's what you want to do.

But you should know that there are people who have come back from worse than this, better than ever.


It probably is physical, but even if not, it really makes less of a difference than you might think. Most people recognize that a married woman dating another man is wrong, icky, and a betrayal of her husband.


No, it is not too late. Listen to the fine advice you will get here, and start reading up on everything you can so you will know how to use the tools here. Read the Basic Concepts, read the Q&A columns about infidelity, and read about Plan A and Plan B.


All of this stuff is typical for a woman doing this, and it can all be overcome.

Call her bluffs. Don't let her bully you into NOT trying to save the marriage.

The police can't steal YOUR home, which YOU PAID for.

She won't file for divorce, and even if she does, you can still recover. Filing is not final.

There's an alien in her that loves her adultery and will do everything possible to keep it, including making threats to you that she is too scared to ever carry out.

Are you paying for it? Did you put any money into it?

The thing about him is, he is living with his parents right now.

Everyone in my family keeps telling me just give her space, and to stop torturing myself over it.

How much financial loss are we talking about if you lose this?

It's about winning her, not the home, right?

If you lose her, courts can sort it out and make sure you get half. If you win her, you get it all.

Your family doesn't know $hit because they probably haven't been through this. Giving her more "space" means giving the affair more "space." Go over to OM's parents house and tell them he needs to stay away from your WW.

Then go back into YOUR HOUSE. It is marital property. If she owns it, and you are married. You own it. Quit being a pansy and making excuses to avoid conflict.