Thank, Vib. I can actually sense a change in me. Something I can not pinpoint, but I can feel it.

I am a bit frustrated with our family right now. I have been asking for THREE solid months for any of the 3 sets of grandparents to commit to babysitting the 2 younger kids for the weekend of our wedding anniversary coming up. I purchased Kings of Leon concert tickets at a venue 6 hours away and have an RV secured and ready to go. Here we have a couple of weeks to go before the trip and no one will give us an answer. We keep getting a "we'll see". I asked again yesterday and one has not responded and now my mom might be selling her house and looking for a new one, and if that is the case, she said she will be too busy to help out.

This is how it usually goes for us. Not one set of grandparents have helped sit the kids so we can get a night away in over 6 months. We have 4 babysitters as well, and each and every time we have asked - each of them has been busy.

I am afraid that if we do not get this time away, or if we have to cancel our anniversary trip, H is going to get fidgety and need to take off and get a break - and do it again without me.

Start calling 20 more babysitters up in order to have a "Plan B" when relatives are not available.

or better yet, develop friendships with other couples with kids and swap out babysitting duties for free...works great for my wife and I and we get to save money.

Can you split the kids up so that one pair of grandparents only has to watch one kid?

Heya G - hadn't heard from you in a few days. Been thinkin of you, hon.

How you holding up?

I have not been back in months. Thought I would check in today.

CWMI, I am so very sorry to hear about your situation. Again.

Same. School year is insane. My H and I had to cancel our weekend wedding anniversary trip back in mid-July because no one was available to watch the kids, though I had been asking for MONTHS and no one would commit. We sold the tickets and got an evening to ourselves because my ex husband offered to watch the kids. He felt terrible when he heard we canceled. That was nice of him. Since then, however - we have been one ONE date, and it was only 2 hours long. The last half an hour of that date, my H started texting back and forth with his best friend.

Now all he does is work - the school year started off crazy and has not slowed down an ounce. He has not home 2 or 3 evenings a week. The weekends he wants to watch football. Now that there are required furlough days, they end up the same way a vacation day is: he has an overnight at his best friend's house. Comes home for the remaining 2 days and lays around and does not help or engage with the kids and I.

I am not happy. I love him, but I am not happy. My needs are not being met. The usual. He knows what they are, he is too busy and too tired.

So, nothing has changed. I am to the point that I am fantasizing about affection from other men. Not literally (as I am never in situations to be around other men), but I find my mind wandering to what it would feel like to feel wanted again.

Gdar, man, I know how hopeless that can feel, different day, same story. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You've been around long enough to know how the MB position on overnights without a spouse. How about planning an overnight as a family, somewhere y'all like going? My family met up with another MBer and her family in Disney this summer, and her mom came to help with the kids, what a great idea! Do you have a retired family member who'd like to take a trip with you all?

Here are are two months later and I am in the exact same position. I am not putting effort in, however. I am tired. Tired of being the only person married here. We have sex once a week, on a weekend, and that is about it (for years we were daily, then it was every other day and has continued to decrease the past 2 years). He will work when he gets home, no interaction, no conversation (I cannot recall the last time we had an actual conversation) and then "hey, wanna give me a blow job"?. Yeah, actually, I WOULD if you could pretend you are married for 5 minutes.

Why don't I want to leave? I don't understand. I do not want it like this, but I still have no desire to go.

This suuuuucks.

I have asked this to moved to MB101 for the 3rd time. Maybe 3rd time is a charm.

This morning he decides to tell me that he will not be home after work this week, because he has evening events/meetings. Events/meetings he knew about before TODAY. With 4 kids to juggle, picking and taking to school, sports practices, dinner, etc... this is one of my biggest pet peeves. When I asked him why he was just NOW letting me know I would be a single parent this week, he got pissy (in front of all 4 kids) and told me that he most certainly DID tell me, I just forgot. Which is b.s. I think I would recall something about him being out every night of the freaking week.

He forgot to do the two things I asked of him, and forgot some paperwork at home that he needed to sign and get faxed (I have been reminding him for a week). I emailed him and told him that I do not like being talked to that way in front of the kids, that NO, he did not tell me he would be out this week and to please in the future give me a heads up, and also that he again forgot to sign the paperwork. His reply was "bring it by", meaning for me to leave the house with the kids and take the paperwork TO him. I am tired of doing everything!!!!! Take some responsibility.

I am NOT a mod and I don't pretend to be one on TV but I think that your thread should stay in SAA due to your WH's EA.

So your WH is still not on board with your marriage. My question to you is, "WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?" You aren't happy and you aren't going to want to live like this forever, so.....what are YOU going to do to change your sitch?

The EA was 2.5 years ago and there has been nothing since. That is not the issue in our marriage. It is not even something I think about anymore. Any time something of "interest" has come up, it has all checked out on the up and up. I still have access to everything, and nothing has been suspicious.

I have tried it all, Scotland. All. Nothing worked. I am out of ideas. I have no idea what my next move is. I have never felt so stuck before in all of my life. I am unable to find the joy in ANYTHING and I am not sure I even like my H anymore. I am still very much physically attracted to him, but outside of our weekly SF, there is simply no connection. I have tried to be superwoman, met the crap out of his needs, counseling, dates, being supportive. All for naught. Nothing I do makes a damn bit of difference. Whether I am happy or not, seemingly does not appear to be important to my H. He seems to be fine with the status quo.

What happened to Dr Harley's advice when you called into the radio show?

Right, but you two never recovered the M. No EPs were put into place, etc, there have been other incidents where your H has revealed wayward tendencies...

We didn't get to do anything he suggested, though we did have a nice July together, regardless. Our wedding anniversary is in July and 4 months prior I had purchased tickets to our favorite band about 6 hours from where we live. We were offered a motorhome from a friend and we were going to make a weekend of it. I asked my mom, my dad & step mom and my inlaws for close to FOUR months to watch the kids so we could have our weekend.

We ended up having to sell the tickets and not go. No one wanted the kids for the weekend (huge issue we both have with our families).

My ex husband ended up watching the kids for a few hours when he found out we had to cancel our trip. We at least got to go to dinner and we had a nice time. Then, about a month later, my mom sat for us for 2 hours and we went to a new winery not far from our house. 40 minutes before the date was over, he started texting his friend. Date over. We have had ONE two hour date since then - one date in almost 5 months.

Our main sitter's husband is now blind, stemming from a brain tumor that he never even knew he had that erupted the night of our anniversary.

My dad was diagnosed with Leukemia a month and a half ago, after he almost died from its complications with pneumonia. They think he has had it for at least a year in a half. I have not only been caring for our large family needs, but trying to help my dad and step mom out as much as I can. Since H works so much, I just head out there with meals and have taken him to a couple of his appts. Very stressful time right now. No emotional support from H. He wound up with a rash (he went to the Dr, they do not know what it is from) and he made some crack about having cancer and dying (he is overdramatic and always acting like he is near death as a "joke") and it really rubs me the wrong, wrong way. Like I said, after going through this with my dad and his health, I am liking my H less and less.

We have been over this, Susie. Nothing came of any of my suspicions. EPs regarding the opposite sex ARE in place and he has not done anything I am opposed to (to my knowledge, of course).

Gdar, if you HAD recovered from your WH's affair, you wouldn't be having the issues you are having right now. Do you spend 20+ hours of UA time together EVERY WEEK? Do you NEVER spend a night apart? These are meant as rhetorical questions as we already know the answers. My suggestion to you is to go to Plan B. Plan B has been suggested by DrH for not only people dealing with affairs but also with reluctant spouses.

Can I ask, what is it that you want from us?

I am really scratching my head here. I thought your H asked you to be involved in a threesome and was also messaging with an old GF on FB or something along those lines?

Anyway, I agree with Scottie that you need to look at Plan B. It seems that you are focusing in on the small fires when the big picture is that your H has a wayward/renter mentality and that you can't get him onboard with MB. I honestly think you won't be able to change that without some third party help so I would make a condition as your Plan B that you have coaching with Steve. Good luck!

This was over a year ago, and no, he was never FBing with anyone. Again, any suspicions I had have been unfounded. I keep telling you that, but I am not sure you are understanding. Being that I am a BS, yes, I have had suspicions and asked questions, but I believe until recovery happens, most BS are not the most trusting folks, for the obvious reasons. It does not mean that means something is continually going on. Nothing has been going on in that regard.

An ear, a place to vent. I don't have much of an outlet with our hectic life.

No, we do not spend 20 hours of UA time. He still has an overnight about once every 3-4 months. No, I am not kicking him out for Plan B.