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I 100% promise you she has never done cocaine since her 20's until this person and her got together.
She never even smokes pot.
I know I am sounding like an idiot and giving excuses and in denial. I have thought of all of that.
I know my wife, I know what kind of person my wife is!!!
I also know the other person. He is very manipulative. He has even got me over the years, but its been just a golf club or a $20 or a shelf from a garage sale. But I learned how he is and dealt with it. I know exactly how he played this game.
Last edited by DynaMow; 06/24/10 02:58 PM.
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messed around = lived in Houston when she was 21 years old. Was married, husband use to bring it around. After they divorced she moved back to Ohio and never used it again. Never said she was hooked then, but did say she liked it.
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messed around = lived in Houston when she was 21 years old. Was married, husband use to bring it around. After they divorced she moved back to Ohio and never used it again. Never said she was hooked then, but did say she liked it. The stakes are high here, because of the kids. Drug test her weekly. Arrange for a lie detector test too. Push HARD to see how transparent she is willing to be. Believe nothing she says. Only believe what can be proven.
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I also know the other person. He is very manipulative. He has even got me over the years, but its been just a golf club or a $20 or a shelf from a garage sale. But I learned how he is and dealt with it. See, this right here does not paint YOU in the best light for removing the trash from your life, and thus your kids' life. You learn how to deal with a petty thief, how? Why associate with him at all?
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I 100% promise you she has never done cocaine since her 20's until this person and her got together. How can you be this sure? You can't be. Maybe if you'd found out DAY 1 that she was back on coke... But she hid it from you for 2 YEARS! She lied convincingly to you for 2 years. Yeah, my money is on her having done this off and on for a long time... this time she got caught...
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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DM,
I have been thinking about this. It is all very familiar. Adulterers lie their heads off, even to themselves. Addicts lie their heads off, even to themselves. You have both right here. I did too. I want you to be prepared.
She came clean very quickly with little evidence. Happened to me too. He came clean and all I had was a piece of paper with the POSOW's name on it and I really did not know for sure. The combo of addict/adulterer almost guarantees there will be more so be prepared. I am sorry you are here but you are in the best place in the world to see you both through this.
BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons
D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.
Started real recovery 07/15/10
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Does she work?
What type of work? Asking again. Is she, by chance, in the medical field?
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So when she was in her 20's her husband "Brought it around" and she used because of that.
Now she has been using because "Other man had it and got her hooked"
So non of this is her fault then, right?
And she was trading sex for drugs, but now a few weeks later, she is clean.... right?
Last edited by Gack1; 06/24/10 08:55 PM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I would like to propose an alternative theory.
There is no Coke.
It is a maid up story to explain away her infidelity.
Which scenario is more likely.
She hid a hardcore drug addiction that severely alters ones mood, and was so addicted that she was having sex to get more. Yet was able to hide her high's, crashes, and withdrawals from you and the rest of society until she could have sex to get more.
Or
She was busted having an affair and went for the first excuse she could come up with?
Think about it.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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well maybe this was the wrong place to come.
Thank you for trying to help. But you are taking it to general.
Again I appreciate your trying to help. But I guess I cant handle it and since we are judging from general situations you dont know me or her so I just better look somewhere else for help.
So she cant want help? So she cant be being honest? So she cant want to try.
Sorry I aint buying it.
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Again after reading more you will all believe what you want so no reason trying to explain.
But really, thank you all!!
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So when she was in her 20's her husband "Brought it around" and she used because of that.
Now she has been using because "Other man had it and got her hooked"
So non of this is her fault then, right?
And she was trading sex for drugs, but now a few weeks later, she is clean.... right? no I did not say none of this was her fault I have said that from the start she is a grown woman. She has a stake in the responsibility. Believe what you will though.
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well maybe this was the wrong place to come.
Thank you for trying to help. But you are taking it to general.
Again I appreciate your trying to help. But I guess I cant handle it and since we are judging from general situations you dont know me or her so I just better look somewhere else for help.
So she cant want help? So she cant be being honest? So she cant want to try.
Sorry I aint buying it. Not saying that at all. But what Gack is saying is plausible. If you want help, then this is the place to be. Marriage Builders has helped to recover much more marriages than going to a marriage counselor in the yellow pages. If she is as strung out as she is claiming to be, then it�s shocking that she is going to work, coming home to take care of the kids, and etc. She needs to take drug tests, get away from this guy, and more than likely�rehab. Ask her to take a lie detector test.
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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Again after reading more you will all believe what you want so no reason trying to explain.
But really, thank you all!! Dyna, do you not realize that this forum is FILLED with people that have been through what you have been through, they have heard the same things you're saying? This is not a kinder, gentler forum. Affairs are destructive and require tough love and assertiveness.
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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no I did not say none of this was her fault I have said that from the start she is a grown woman. She has a stake in the responsibility. You misunderstand. She is saying it is not her fault, you and I both know, drugs or not, it is completely her fault. But I have had the misfortune of having to endure the presence of people who where as strung out as your wife claims she was..... They could not hid it. I don't think there where any drugs, and certainly not to the point of trading sex for them just to feed her addiction.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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think what you want I cannot convince you either way, so I will not try.
All I hear is throw her away, there is no chance of her being good again. She has lied for years. She is still not honest.
I never said she was "strung out on it"
She liked it and couldn't say no. Yes the sex is unacceptable!!!
Its simple he had something she wanted. She did things she should not of done. Its still an affair with or without the drugs. There are different level of addiction.
So I am not going to keep trying to explain this. I came to the wrong place.
She is going to rehab, she is being transparent, she is doing everything I am asking of her.
She is worth trying to help thats all. I have to much at stake to just throw it away.
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Again after reading more you will all believe what you want so no reason trying to explain.
But really, thank you all!! Dyna, do you not realize that this forum is FILLED with people that have been through what you have been through, they have heard the same things you're saying? This is not a kinder, gentler forum. Affairs are destructive and require tough love and assertiveness. yes but from different people
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Does she work?
What type of work? Asking again. Is she, by chance, in the medical field? I know where you are going so I will not even entertain this!!!!
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I also know the other person. He is very manipulative. He has even got me over the years, but its been just a golf club or a $20 or a shelf from a garage sale. But I learned how he is and dealt with it. See, this right here does not paint YOU in the best light for removing the trash from your life, and thus your kids' life. You learn how to deal with a petty thief, how? Why associate with him at all? pepper you jump to a lot of conclusions. I am not saying he just stole them from me. Sorry for the misundersatnding. He would just weezel his way around them, soon you werent sure if you got your trade for stuff. Anyways you do not understand this type of person. But trust me, yes he should of not been around us, so I will take some of the balme. So be it.
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All I hear is throw her away, there is no chance of her being good again. You are getting something very different from this thread than the message that is being conveyed. The message is protect yourself and children first, then fix your wife's addiction, then work on fixing your marriage. No one is saying divorce your wife. I never said she was "strung out on it" Do you have any experience with people who use hardcore drugs? If you are trading sexual favers for drugs.... Well what do you call that? I know where you are going so I will not even entertain this!!!! Is that a yes?
Last edited by Gack1; 06/24/10 10:05 PM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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