If you can afford it, I'd still separate and insist that she live alone without dating anyone but you for a year.

Some people are willing to take back a spouse no matter what the spouse's motivation provided said spouse does certain things. That wouldn't be enough for me. I wouldn't want someone who only came to me because OW or new job or whatever didn't work out. I'm not your mommmy or your fairy godmother. I'd want your wife and you to know that you are together because you both want that, not because you have to.

A year or even six months where she has to live on her own without dating anyone but you would provide a certain amount of certainty that she's not going to take off when the next best thing comes down the road. Whereas I'd always be worried if the only reason she came back was because the OM didn't work out.

I was right. She came back and the tone had changed again. She is not sure, she is confused and so on. He is so wonderful to her and we had all of these problems prior to him. Oh well, at least she's predictable.

So what's your plan QuatroCinco?

My plan is to keep moving ahead and see what happens. She calls and says all this stuff, then goes back on it. I was doing so much better a couple weeks ago and now she has opened up the old wounds again. I am looking at some places next week to move into. Starting a new job, getting a divorce along with the financial concerns is very daunting. She sends me text messages saying "don't plan on leaving". "Have you changed your mind about reconciling and don't worry, I'm trying to fix this". Not sure what to make of all these comments.

I guess I can't worry about it, but it's easier said than done. Just want some peace and stability in my life.

"Come closer-get away"

She tries to reel you in, then pushes you away. You're her back up plan, not her only plan.

Have you had enough emotional abuse by this woman?

Plan B - very dark. Disappear from her reach. Let her EARN her way back into your life with actions, not words and rages.

text messages... well, at least it was convenient.

Dude this sounds eerily familiar to the story I was relating to you above. I'm sorry she's putting you through this - nobody deserves it.

You need boundaries from this woman (I'm learning about boundaries myself). Plan B is right. When you're ready, which I hope is soon.

opt

The ironic thing about this thread is if Patriot did not move on with his life his WW would not care a lick about him. This is the same pattern that I have seen in my life and so many other cheaters lives.

They love going out and humping the other man. What fun and it is great if you got a guy at home that has to sit their and take it. Suffer in misery and watch his WW laugh at him. I swear it would make people feel better if this poor guy would also give his WW and OM massages and let them go hump each other then when they are done he could be in the next room and bring them in some nice steaks and let them go at it again. And just to make it better he could sit there are cry and when they are done the OM can come out of the room and kick him in the crotch and say see you tomorrow night I will be back for her then.

Taking abuse like this is not the way to go. Now I personally do not think a guy should take a woman back who sleeps with another guy. Should Patriot have waited to date probably but you can't compare what he is doing to his wife.

And his wife only cares because she is losing control of him. If I would have followed the advise here my wife would have been killing me with bad behavior. If I would have pleaded with her she would have been out humping him every night. But when she knew I meant business her attitude changed.

Time after time on here I see WW freak out when their husbands move on with their lives. Patriot should have told his wife to eat **** and die I am moving on with my life. Unless you dump your OM today and show me you can stop being what you have become I MAY consider it but please putting your life on hold for a woman that treats you like that is not worth it.

Patriot divorce her and move on. WW are just not worth it. You can find much better out there if you look. Don't let your WW suck you back in and treat you like crap. The second I told my wife we were done and moved on without her she dumped the OM and tried to win me back. I know if I would have been weak and tried to reason with her I would have been in a grave somewhere by now. Anyway just my opinion good luck no matter what you do.

I know a WW does not feel bad at all if her H is sitting at home doing nothing. She has no reason to change her behavior. And plan b just means she does not have to feel guilty about it.

The worse thing Patriot can do is to go back to a woman who treats him like this. A woman who won't let go of her OM but demands he dare not see a woman after she put him through hell.

It is like watching a battered woman take a man back who punches her in the face. I will not tell her she is a better person for putting up with the abuse and being able to take a punch. I don't see any difference between that and allowing this WW to dictate 1 more minute of his life. Been there done that got the t-shirt.

I hear what you are saying IHE. My ww slept with OM 9 yrs ago, I took her back and now last summer she started in with the same pattern with one and then another - the EA which eventually goes PA ("we're just friends, can't I have friends?").

I also think Pat's WW is a special breed of cruel.

However, I must point out that MB doesn't suggest the BS just "take back" the WS. It is always with specific conditions and a very "narrow road" back to Recovery. There was no MB in my life the first go-around (although I did practice some of the concepts on accident), so there was no real Recovery.

If a BS and WS get back together the MB program can increase the chances of success. I've also heard that Steve Harley himself has stated no intention whatsoever to engage in Recovery if his wife cheated on him, she'd be out the door. So you're in good company if this is the philosophy you hold, IHE.


opt