So today I signed in to FB this morning and he has put up a really sweet saying about how when you search all you life for the one who makes you feel young, laugh then you hav found "the" one and that you should remember to stop and smeell the roses.

So I started to cry again. Man that hurt. And it doesn't even mention her name or anything...but it really hurt after we were talking so good yesterday and stuff. I guess I'd better steel myself for the day. But OHHHHHH that hurt.

Cami - I can't remember. Have you exposed this affair? To his family/friends, to yours, to hers?

I see you're getting the Carrot of Plan A together, but have you used any of the Stick?

What are your finances like - is any of your money going to him?

Have you let him know, unequivocally, that you will not tolerate this OW in your life?

Vibrissa,

Yes to all of the above. his mom and sister have already blasted him several times over this.

He does not talk with me about OW at all and no R talk lately either. I have been following the plan.

He still talks divorce and he still says he's happy where he is...but we were making progress, great progress yesterday actually, so I have hope still and I'm still in plan a cause I want to show him what I have forgotten to do over the years is in my power to do. He has also been the one to initiate conversations for the past week. I have not called him, but he has called/texted etc me several well, 100 times or so....and then I answer when I can.

I will have to go back and review the stick again to make sure that I have utilized what I think is right of it for this moment. But I know that I have been following what I know as the plan up to now.

Gosh, that hurt so bad to see that this morning. But on a bright note, there is no mention of her name in it...there is no mention of who it is aimed at...and still all of our friends will not dignify it with an aswer at this point. But I do know one that will make a comment later about how sweet it is that he still thinks that way about me after all these years. LOL. She's just really a hoot and will do it just to see what reaction she gets from him and OW. She has done that twice now. And all of our friends have contacted me laughing about it. So let's see what happens there.

Me, I'm not putting anything up there about it. I do not want him to take me off his friends list cause I like to be able to watch what is going on within his page and link over to hers to see what she's saying too. So I'm being nice in that aspect, but it's also allowing me to snoop more. So two=fold there.

K. Gotta run and put in some applications. I really need a new job! Can't afford this place. Gotta figure that one out.

Oh, and we have seperate finances account wise. But our electric bill, water bill, those things are joint. I am not allowed to take his name off of them until they see a D decree, well if I have my way, that won't happen. Anyhow, he has also been giving me 150 per week to "help me out" cause he doesn't think he'll have to help me at all cause our kids are grown. Well, this state says different cause he makes 3 times as much money per week as I do and I have the paystubs to show that. So if he keeps pushing that or if he tries to take away that help, I will get out my stick and make sure he can't do that. Even though I want to work this out, I'm not dumb enough to let him get away with that either. That much I know. I'm a sucker and I LOVE him dearly, but I'm not that stupid.

And I may be overreacting too. Cause he called me and we talked today too. He wanted my help with something again. I will be meeting him tomarrow to help him out. I just may have to rethink my armour here. I let it get to me when I KNOW there will be setbacks along the way. I shouldn't have done that either. Just waited to see what his next move was in some ways. Like he did put the post up then called me two hours after that...so he's confused and I'm confused. Heck of a note. I'll just stick with plan A for now and see what happens. But my IC asked me today if I had determined how much hurt was going to be too much hurt? I told him the truth, at this point I don't know. But I'm trying to figure that one out too. Sigh.

Cami, don't worry about how much hurt there is going to be because I will be completely honest with you, "PLAN A HURTS LIKE HECK." Plan B hurts more in different ways and recovery is even worse. Are you ready? As long as you still want to give it a go the MB way, we will be here to guide you. You will have to do the work, but we'll help you out.

NO EXPECTATIONS. THings are really going to affect you. Your LB will take HUGE hits. This is why you need to be preparing for Plan B as well. Have you contacted a lawyer? Have you done research on the internet? Do you KNOW what you are entitled to if you divorce? Do you know what you ARE entitled to financially? Get it all figured out. I know you have YOUR start date for Plan B, but you never know what will happen between now and then.

Your reply:
"And when you find that precious someone who knows you, stands by you and stands up for you for the long run over decades...forget smelling the roses, just LOOK at the beauty of the bouquet that has been given to you."

nuf said.

WOOOOHOOOO BC. WELL said.

Yes Scotland, I have contacted the lawyer already and have found out what I am entitled to and such. I even have the papers with the lawyer that he will need if it comes to that. I have tried to prepare myself as best I can.

It just hit me this time and I wasn't prepared for it. I know it's going to hurt and I know I can do this! I just wasn't ready this time and that hit me up side the head.

That WILL happen and we ALL understand. It is what you do with these times and feelings that are important. See, when Barbiecat answered you with what to write in response, THAT is the kind of support you will get here. You will be AMAZED at the guidance that people are freely willing to give. Just make sure that the advice you follow is going TOWARDS your plan. I know what it is like to follow something and then find out it wasn't really MB. The way I knew at first was that is went AGAINST what I thought of intuitively. Over time, it has become what DOES make sense. I am not THERE yet but it is amazing the transformation you can have when you follow the concepts.

I really appreciated what Barbiecat said to put there! I really did! And you're right, it feels against what I would normally think myself. So it must be right huh? My fear, and I can still go back and put it there and will if you all think I really should....but he has such a quick temper most days, that would cause him to make me not one of his friends...and then I couldn't see what was going on on his page or her page...so hm, maybe I should get my friend with the kuspa to put it there for me?? He wouldn't get to take it out on me...and it would be there for him to see....whatcha think??

Honestly, I think that I would put it there, not my friend. If he de-friends you, it won't matter. It is a trigger for you anyways. He may not even do anything.

Get some courage and do some things yourself. This is your life. You need to hit him with some of the stick part of Plan A and I think this could fall into that.

Okay. Man, this takes some courage huh? I'm really working on the courage part. Thanks for the advice again! I'll get it done, it will be hard, but I'll do it.

It does take courage and you need to dig down deep and find it. Remember WHY you are doing this- to save your marriage. That is worth fighting for and take solace in knowing your intentions are for good.

I wish you the best.

Okay, so I'm not having expectations here. I just want to say that up front. BUT H is so strange. I guess that's just the way it is. But I have to share. Cause I think it's so funny.

We were talking today when I was helping him with some stuff at the bank. He found out that I'm going out tomarrow night and the first thing he said was "oh you have a date?" I said no, just going with some friends. He said I should have a date by now...I should go out with someone. I explained that I was not looking and was not iinterested in that. Period.

So I thought about it and thought about it and just laughed after I left him there. So I called his mom and said I needed to know if what I was thinking was remotely on target. I asked her if him pushing me to date was his way of trying to feel less guilty for betraying the M and having an A. She laughed so hard. Then let me know that that is exactly what he is doing. And she finds it amazing that he keeps denying that he is having an A when his body won't react the way he wants it to...so I said HUH?

Seems that he can't have SF with anyone right now cause he can't manage to well, you know. And that the only way he has managed to, well, you know, is by looking at some OLD pics of me that he has stashed on his computer. She said he flat out told ehr that. So I'm wondering how that is going over huh? LOL. Sorry, just ahd to say it. I'm a little vincdictive about that part still, but am controlling myself when in front of or on phone with him and such...but it's nice to be able to think what I want.

Okay, so there's my laugh for the day. I'm happy with the things I have been doing and am confident that I am meeting some of his EN and even SF plus being true to me and growing at the same time.

Sorry, had to share. Thanks for listening.

The next time that you WH tells you that you should date you should say, "Married people aren't supposed to date, it's really sunny out today."(I wrote eh? at the end of that sentence. See we, Canadians, even type that way. HAHAHAHAHA)

It really is interesting that he has to look at old pics of YOU but what I find even MORE interesting is that he told his MOMMY. Then his mother told you. Interesting family dynamic going on there.

Okay, so WH just left here. He had to come out and get a few things that he really needed. I didn't mind this as he called to ask if it was okay first.

We had a really nice talk. Not about us, but about life in general and how much stress he is feeling. He got several texts and two phone calls from OW while here....he went outside to take them and came back in just fuming! Seems OW accused him of sleeping with me. Well, hm. So anyway, we talked again for a little while until she interrupted again and he said, I just gotta go. So much stress from her I can't take it again. I said okay.

I held his head so he could see my face and said, I really miss you and I'm glad that you came out and I'm here to talk if you need me or if I can help. He said, I know that. I really do and I thank you for that.

Walked him to the door. He gave me a kiss and told me thank you for being you. I about cried at that one. It was nice to hear him say it.

So, no expectations, but it was nice to hear anyhow. I know it will get worse before it gets better, but that was really, really nice for a change and made me feel good.

Scotty, his mom is a nurse and he talks to her about anything that is going on physically with him. He always has. I call her for every little thing too. Just a good thing that she is open to discussion on any subject cause we have went to her with some doozies before. LOL. But she directs us to over the counter remedies or tells us to go to doc. That's all. So it didn't surprise me that she knew...but it did that she told me actually.

The next time that he comes over and talks to OW in front of you, you need to interrupt it and make sure that he KNOWS that this is NOT okay. I think you ARE having a problem with the stick part of Plan A. You need to get that stick hitting him whenever it is warranted. He can't believe that you are okay with all of this and that you will be there as his support when things are going wrong with OW.

Wield that Plan A stick.

No, he went outside. I gave him a dirty look when she texted, he said excuse me and went outside. I did NOT let him talk to her in front of me. I would NOT tolerate that. And he KNOWS that too.

I did listen when he said she accused him of sleeping with me cause I smirked at it and thought so what if we did, we are MARRIED....he looked at me and said, nevermind I shouldn't have said that. I said okay, but no more. He agreed to that.

We are still setting total boundaries cause we haven't had any until I started my plan A last week. So I'm verbalizing them as much as I can as quickly as something comes up. I guess maybe I'm not doing so good at it.

My offer of help was to talk though, not about her, but about the stress he was complaining to ME about. That had to deal with work and his mom and his life at this point. Not once was it about her until she miffed him and he said that she was putting stress on him too and said he had to go. I really need to do better at this, but he is talking to me.

Was me letting him kiss me goodbye a bad idea too? I didn't even think about it, he just grabbed my hand, leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. I didn't even really have time to react to it. I was so stunned that he did it.

You ARE married and you are in Plan A. That would mean KISS away sweetheart.

The next time he comes over and he gets a call from her, take his phone and smile at him and say, "Let's turn this off for a moment shall we?" Also, you could follow him outside and say, "Sweetie, are you coming back in? I am getting lonely." Just do things to put a wrench in the affair. Your stick part of Plan A is to try to make things in affairland not so rosy, but in a loving way towards your WH. You can get this. You have the carrot part down pat, which is GREAT. MOST BSs have one or the other very well and it is the other one they need help with. That's all I am trying to do.