Went to pull up my EP doc and realized...it's on our fritzed-out computer. GAAAAAH. I am disheartened (I put a lot of work into that!), but not beat. I can still give you some examples from my list.

*No talking to men unless it is for something necessary and unavoidable. My A started at the gym - with a few words exchanged about lifting, a handshake and an introduction. That is all it took. So now: no talking to guys unless there is absolutely no way around it. I don't shake hands with men, I don't introduce myself. If I need help in a store, I ask a female. If I am in the checkout line, I choose the lanes staffed by a woman. Etc.

*No letting my kids talk to men when Dad's not around. This is as much for my rule as it is for the importance of FC to me that I referenced above.

*Keeping my H aware of my plans for the day, calling him as I head out on errands, calling him immediately if plans change from what I've discussed with him. Much of my A (as with any A) was full of IB and me taking all of my time and doing whatever I wanted with it. Now I am accountable for my time, 100%.

These are a few. As Mel mentioned, following your list to the letter includes any and all of these more detailed EPs. Also, mine are detailed for my situation, so don't know if they'll help anyone else. They work for us, and I'm happy with that.

Another particularly useful one: no texting. My phone doesn't do it.

thanks so much for this thread and topic:

i have often asked FWH to read different things on this forum and this was one of them. it opened up a dialogue between us that was very helpful.

he has never written our EP's out, nor have we really discussed POJA. this gave us a chance to do so.

i lovingly let him know, that for me, written EP's would help me feel more secure in our growing relationship, would cut down on the questions that i seem to ask over and over again and would let me know that he is putting me first and thinking of me. i also was given the chance to let him know what was important to me and the things that really didn't matter.

i think we were both shocked at the diffences between us. so many times these talks end with him feeling guilty and me feeling hurt and this one did not.

thanks again for sharing your experience.....hope from pain, good from evil, rebirth among the ashes....it's a wonderfully good thing.

bump

This is an excellent thread!

We have been working with Steve Harley after some bumps in the road in our R, and this topic was a huge part of what he addressed with us. He used the analogy that the WS implementing a "Protection Plan" is akin to a doctor treating a patient's injury. He also used the analogy that if my H didn't do an adequate job in this regard that I would continue to have a "limp" and never recover from the injury.

I hope it's OK but I had written more specifics regarding the "Protection Phase" that SH coached us on in my Recovery thread, so I figured I could paste it in case it might help anyone.



Looking back, a lot of my resentment was fueled due to the fact that I felt my H thought the A happened because of unmet ENs vs lack of boundaries. This was the very first thing that SH talked to him about. IMHO, I feel if any F?WS has this attitude, it is a .

Thanks again, tst (&SMB)!

So very true!

Thanks for adding your protection plan.

bump

Great new name, tst.

The only problem I have with your and your wife's names is that you and your wife got to them first, before my wife and I could get them.

Oh! I just now realized this! How cute.

can i ask does SMB follow the same precautions? I know she had things happen while she was still married to you, tst.

Every spouse should have EPs, even when there's never been an affair. EPs are the security system for your most valuable asset...your marriage.

However, Dr. H says when there's been an affair THE CONDITIONS THAT MADE AN AFFAIR POSSIBLE must be eliminated. Until those additional EPs are in place, a BS cannot and should not feel safe returning to the marriage.

HTH, whether your spouse chooses to have EPs and/or follow MB (I don't know your current situation), you should still be doing your part to protect your marriage by having stellar EPs because it's how you should have been living all along.

Glad you said something Marcos cause I was about to ask HerPapaBear if Tst knew he was running around posting with Tst's siggy.

Ok what the heck is this HerPapaBear nonsense???....


I saw that name last night and in my drug-induce stupor thought, "WTH????....The ONLY person who should have a bear in there name is SMB. It shouldn't even be ALLOWED for anyone else.....gosh, couldn't whoever this silly man is, come up with something a bit more 'original'?"....of course, my next thought was, "OH crap...I hope it isn't SMB's stalker returning......"

Now, mind you, I didn't read whatever ProudPappyBear wrote...I was too tired. I just sorta glanced at the iPad as I was removing it from the bed. But man, I was a bit tee'ed by it....

Sooooooo.....imagine my when I got on today and figured out the ManBear was really TST!!!!!

Not sure if I'm "feeling" it....but hey, as long as SMB's okay with it then MY OPINION doesn't matter a hill of beans!!!!!

Not

Y'all are beary funny!

That was sooooo weak........

Not

Oh hush!

I agree. TST sounds like a new kind of explosive.

At some point, I think I will become a goat. Ours just eat and poop and look cute. That is beginning to sound better and better to me. Oh! And they get to dance.

Old Billy Goat ?

Otherwise known as OBG ?