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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2
Cvett Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 2
Me and my wife have been together for 11 yrs married for 4 of them. We are both 26 yrs old, yes we were high school sweethearts and have been eachothers first and only. We have both hurt eachother in the past 2-3 yrs (not cheating emotionally. Most of it was my fault for not being around. I enjoyed going out with friends and didnt consider her feelings. She made me realize what I was doing to her by leaving her at home. I realized that I was being an [censored], so I changed it and have realized recently that I need her more than anything. But now that I have changed and am working hard at it, it seems like she is drifting farther and farther away as the days pass. We never have sex (not from lack of trying). She says it just doesnt even interest her anymore. I kiss her touch her and hug her all the time. I compliment her everyday. I get nothing in return anymore even though I told her I would like for her to simply grab my hand or come to me wanting sex. In our first 9 years together she was lovey, touchy, feely, etc and now nothing. I sometimes feel like she is doing it because she sees me trying so hard and she is just being stubborn as a way of control.. ladies, any idea what I can do to get the love back? I am affectionate and I miss it so much from her. I try and be romantic as possible by leaving her notes in her purse or car, cooking supper, lighting candles in the bathroom with music going and a warm bubble bath, but it seems like she just does not appreciate it anymore. I would like to make love to her every single day. I want her to think of me as her man again...

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are having trouble. If you haven't already done so, take some time to read over the information here...


Though I'm hardly an expert (this is my first post), I would suspect that your wife, much like mine,

1. Doesn't view physical affection, whether sexual or not, as one of her most important emotional needs. We tend to express love in the way that we like to receive it, and when we don't receive positive feedback, wonder why our earnest attempts are being rejected.

2. Your wife may be thinking that your attempts at affection have a hidden agenda. Though your intentions may be good, you may be worsening the situation.

I'm the same way and my situation is similar, so, for what it's worth, you're not the only one. You might try posting your query in the "Marriage Builders 101" area:


I think this one is more for ideas on how to make something romantic (a romantic date or vacation). You'll probably get better, more enlightened responses, in the area I posted above.

Hope this helps.

Me (BH)
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Moderated by  Fordude 

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