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How long have you known each other, and how did you meet?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
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Do you have any children with this woman? If not, and there is a step child, I would vote to let her go. Get your share of equity in the home and just get out.
She's betrayed a previous husband and she's repeating the pattern. If you have no kids, eject, eject, eject is what I'd advise.
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Joined: Jul 2010
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we have knew each around 6 years and we meet at college as friends we where friends for around 8 months and one night i ask if she like me and it went from there.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Was she married when you met her?
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Joined: Jul 2010
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we been getting along for two weeks she just want stop the affair and i know if i keep doing this its like having both of us so i think am goin to expose it to her boss and human res at her work
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Joined: Sep 2003
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She has to change jobs to establish NC with the OM, so she can find another job, or you can make sure they know about the affair.
If she really wants to work on the marriage, her finding a new job is one of the top things she needs to accomplish to make that happen.
I'll ask again, do you have any children with her?
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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we been getting along for two weeks she just want stop the affair and i know if i keep doing this its like having both of us so i think am goin to expose it to her boss and human res at her work I've borrowed this from another thread to save time. MelodyLane says things perfectly, so I apologise to her for taking her words without asking: So, I would wait an hour and go in there and tell her this will never work as long as she works with the OM. Ask her to give her notice on Monday because this is hopeless unless she does. From the new book by Dr. Harley Effective Marriage Counseling pg 94:
"Granted, there are situations when demands may be necessary in marriage. During a spouse's affair, for example, I recommend that the betrayed spouse demand there be no contact with the lover. If there is continued contact, separation or even divorce would be the logical consequence. While normally demands don't work, in this case there are no reasonable alternatives because thoughtful requests are even less likely to separate lovers." She will probably refuse. In that case, I would quietly expose the affair everywhere on Monday. Expose to Human Resources [we have a template], her parents, your close family, friends, and children. That will likely change her mind about leaving the job by giving the affair a cold splash of reality. Exposure is your greatest tool in saving this marriage. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery. Please read the Exposure thread that is linked in this post.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
This is the template for the exposure letter you should be sending to your wife's bosses. You must make sure that your letter is calm and professional, with enough reference to legal consequences to make them act. Pay particular attention to the instructions about whom the letter should be sent to. Make sure you identify the right people. Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be sent to the Director of Human Resources and cc�d to the adulterers supervisors and a key VP. It is critical that this letter be sent to several people and this known by ALL so no one person can give into the temptation to bury the issue.
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
Regards,
BS
_________________________
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
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expose to family and friends while your at it
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
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Do you have any children with this woman? If not, and there is a step child, I would vote to let her go. Get your share of equity in the home and just get out. This would be my suggestion as well.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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