i don't have time to write a letter plus H is home all day today so i can leave to kids with him while i go do all this but he seems to know that something is wrong with me cause he has been hovering over me and trying to check what im doing on the computer all the time. but i'll try to see what i can do but is a letter nessasary cause i know the xo of the base (used to be my xo) but i think that would be taking it to far.

You could talk to the COs today AND send a letter so that it is more official. Your WH is worried because he has a feeling he may be caught. He can't come out and say, "Did you find out about my affair?" Wouldn't THAT be interesting?

You won't have to worry about confronting him either after the word starts getting back to him about the exposure.

I am sorry, I haven't read all of your thread but, does everyone know about YOUR affair? If not, you will need to expose yourself as well as your WH.

my family and his know, plus H told some of his co-workers but that's about it for mine. H didn't expose that's why i feel bad about doing this to him. but he didn't find out about mine until i told him 2 yrs after NC

You shouldn't feel bad. Had your WH come here, we would have advised him to do the same thing. It is the advise that is given to EVERY BS. Although you are also a FWW, you are a BW NOW. Our advise won't waiver.

Now, understand that you may get some people on his side telling you that you are getting what you deserve and that your affair in some way gives him justification for his affair. THEY ARE WRONG. There is NO justification for an affair. NEVER.

Just get through the list of people and say what is suggested. Remember, you are doing this to try to save your marriage.

If you want to throw him off for a bit while you get this done, google stomach flu and bring up the first relevant page. Then excuse yourself, but forget to drop the window.

That way, when he looks at the computer it will confirm you are not feeling well.

In the mean time, I would head out to a copy center and make copies of the text msgs to take with you. Make sure you have a copy for your self, one for his CO, her CO, and OWH at least.

I agree that you can send the letter later.

ok thank you. I guess i do fell like i deserve this and was the one who in a way forced H to tell his family because he just didn't want to tell anyonw his personal biz but I told him that nobody's option matters to me just his so they could all hate me and i don't care. OK I'm going to go talk to his CO now since he can stay here with the kids to make it easier for me to do all this. Thanks.

He did come here for a while, but I have been unable to find his thread.

Oh, Okay. Didn't know.

MM, I tolerated two A's, an OC and multiple false recoveries because I thought I deserved it due to my past A and my covering it up for 8 years. The truth is, you came clean and you have worked at being a better wife and mother. You do not "deserve" this and the best thing you can do for your marriage, your kids and yes even your WH is to expose. What your WH is doing is destroying another man's marriage. Is that ok because you "deserve" it?

I know I don't actually deserve H's affair I guess it's just my guilt of my own A.
I did confront him today. H claims that is is only the sex and there is no feelings, it was just about the sex. BUT he had sex with me that morning than that afternoon at work [censored] her twice. WTF!? I wanted to confront OW in person but H messed that up by calling her and I wasn't able to keep my cool and started screaming at her. OW claims that her husband knows but I think that is a load of [censored]. I am hesitant about telling OWH and H work. OWH is also military and apparently is here. They are supposly getting D. I tried to contact the H on facebook to have him call me but he asked OW about it instead. So I don't know.

H says he wants to work us out but I don't think I can move forward knowing they are still working together but the only way to have one removed would be to tell the comands which would end in a NJP and him not being able to reenlist. But how do I move on knowing that H can see her anytime at work??

Plus it was unprotected sex, H didn't think about bringing me anything so of course I need to be tested now especially since I've started having problems (down there) in the past month. AHHH so what if H gives me a STD that is supposed to cancel out me having OC.....

I tried to be calm but I ended up getting upset at some of the things he said. like he felt like he needed to get even and now that he did he's willing to move on.

H claims that he did alot of thinking last night and he was planning on stopping the A and wanted to work on our M but I don't believe that at all.

I expect that you know he's posting here now. I'm worried about his knowing all your strategies and pre-empting them.

I don't know, H claims he'll take a lie test every other wk if need be.

I want to confront the OW.... is that a good idea??? I;m afraid I might lose it but I want the OW to tell me to my face Y.

And, this would help recover your marriage ... how?

Your H USED HER BODY for sex.
He's made that plain and clear.
She has little to nothing to do with the state of your M.

I guess Im just pissed off and really want to knock the OW out. I wanted to confront her face to face and tell her to leave my husband alone or I would expose to the military (OW & H work).

If you want to "confront" someone, confront OW husband.
Tell him about the PA.
Tell him about unprotected sex.

There is a purpose to that confrontation.

You carry a weapon sometimes?
Not a great idea while you are this mad.

Please listen to pep and do not confront the OW. Tell the OWH. He is owed the truth even if they are getting a divorce.

I don't carry a weapon so thats ok but H does keep his gun with him (has consealed weapons permit). The OWH is also military and the only problem with exposing to him is the fact that he might tell the command and which i don't want done. However like I said I can't even begin to work on my M while they are still working together but can't change that unless I do tell the command

So MM, you didn't tell ANYONE today about your WH's affair? You only confronted WH? Now OW knows too? Bad move. Now they can just take it underground and hide it better. They can paint you as a jealous wife who is suspicious about everything.

You need to expose to your WH's and OW's COs ASAP.

No i told his family and mine and a friend. I tried to talk to OWH but have no way of contacting him i tried facebook i but he called her instead of me. No i haven't told his job but I'm still unsure about that because it will hurt him being miltary and it's not like he can just quit or request a transfer. And for the next yr they will be working together and I know I can't even think about trying to work on us with them working together but i'm still stuck.

I was military during my A, H didn't expose my A (now I also got transfered and no longer had any contact and I stopped the A myself it wasn't found out about). His was found out about and he isn't able to transfer but if I go to his job they will NJP him and that will hurt us (we won't be able to money wise deal with him getting in trouble). And definatly if we do stay together i'm just hurting my family so i'm torn.