Grace,

Forget all this mid life crisis mumbo jombo. YOUR HUSBAND IS IN AFFAIR. Yes, I am yelling. Dr. Harley tried to tell you this on the weekend forum. Your husband will not commit to being honest. This means he is hiding something. It is his affair. Take the steps now to break it up. Tell OWH. Dr. Harley told you if your H did not want to give up his karate and/or other woman, go to Plan B. And don't leave to go to crumbie hotels. HE should be the one to leave. Then don't talk to him. Don't help him with his business. Don't commit to financial support that will encumber you for years to come.

AM

AM

Thank you A-Mama. Now my hubby took off and spent the day at his office. He took a nap there and now feels he is ready to work on our marriage. I'm listening to ya and will discuss on Monday w/Sandy to help me with perspectice. I'm not ever been around a situation liek this in my family or anything close. While my hubby was at office this evening I remembered how I'd felt when struggling with health and trying to survive. I felt supported by Jesus. I'd pretend he had a chair next to my bed and was there for me. So tonight I went out to eat by myself to be somewhere where I didn't feel like I was stinking up the room for my husband. I'd vowed to clelbrat my life with Jensus. I also had my hair cut and my nails done.

Grace,
AW is right! This IB/ midlife crisis is all mumbo-jumbo. This looks, acts, smells like an affair. I'd be stunned if it isn't. Tell OWH now.
What's the worst thing that can happen if you tell him? That you discover that WH was telling the truth and there is no A? No big deal, no harm done but, on the other hand, if there is an A then 2 families futures are on the line.

What on earth is this? I hope I misunderstood. You are a good, loving wife who is doing her best to save her WH from destroying his life. He is so incredibly lucky to have you - he is the one 'stinking up your life'. Grace, you have lost perspective. Please listen to us.
Of course he doesn't want to be on his own. He's been with you for 30 years!!! You honestly believe that he only now realises that what he really wants is to be single???
I suspect you are lacking in sleep, food and caring and this is impairing your judgement.
Hang in there.

Grace,

I think talking to Sandy on Monday is a really good idea.

I hate to ask this question, but if you have not asked it, you should. How do you know your H was at work yesterday? Have you ever done any snooping on your own to see if he is where he says, with the people he says? I don't remember reading it, how did you learn about karate woman? Did your H talk about her at home? or did you find out some other way?

AM

PS Getting your hair and nails done was a great idea. Can you go somewhere relaxing today?

My husband went to the office to work on patient charts and step back from our interchange which had been intense and emotional. He took a nap on a OR table. He then awoke and sent me an email from the office. It was a nice note and he had more positive feelings and outlook for the future. The very few times I noticed emails with this woman they --are as he says--- simply about karate and the forms of karate. Its talk that could be with another guy type interchange. Phone records do not show collusion or any interchange going back and forth.

Yesterday had its ups and downs but ended with higher resolve on both our parts. After more emotional exchanges as I found it hard not to cry. Often we talked about how we are both wounded from the past and having a hard time letting go of resentments and perceiving triggers.

Finally we let it go and decided to do something fun together. At first my husband suggested motorcycle touring but I thought that would add stress at that particular point. We ended up going to a nice restaurant and ordering a gin and tonic. My husband apologized for not being there for me when I was really sick and most vulnerable as I'd brought how I'd worried about the future and whether I'd be supported in tough times. On a side, going to a place and ordering a drink is not something we normally do, but I was thinking about the Irish and how they have their pubs to let off steam. Our adult son stayed home and prepared a nice dinner for us. The evening ended on a positive. I've found it helpful these days to change the environment to shift gears and we both agree this is necessary. Earlier in the day I had the idea we could start praying together as when we initially married--- God and our faith was central to our relationship. So before we fell asleep for the first time in years we prayed out loud together for all the things we desire for our relationship and those whom are affected most by our relationship and the MB program that we've been blessed to have found. Mostly we prayed for healing and transfirmation to a loving relationship that centers on meeting one anothers emotional needs. Its not like we don't attend church together, we do, but my husband has been so closed off in his feeling and discussion about his own faith. Its an old habit really, not to show his heart to me. This habit manifested long before karate experience. Before this, he worked long hours or used other hobbies to avoid working on our relationship. He does have this habit in other areas of his life, that is, to take the path of least resistance. I'd sure like to see him do lots of couching w/Steve.

I still plan to talk w/Sandy (hopefully today) and it seems my husband plans to talk to Steve H. I'm not performing the administrative process to set up this meeting on my husbands behalf as is typical. I'm letting him manage this. He said he'd prefer to talk w/Steve alone.