Removal of access to OM is complete- I just blocked website, calls,etc.
I plan on changing my cell # when DH returns. I think I need him to be a part of this activity, if anything, to demonstrate, my descired to atone for horrible choice.

I am scared, deservedly so, but I cannot imagine the deptha dn breadth I would feel if the tables were turned. I am expecting the worst and praying for a hope of recovery.

I will spend every day of my life trying to amend the unfixable- I just hope I get the chance!! T-minus ~36 hours until DH returns.

PKB

Update-

First off, thank you all for hammering into me the intense gravity of my actions. I knew what I was doing, it didn't "just happen"- I made choices. SELFISH choices. I printed off this thread and kept rereading it as I waited for my husband's return from his trip. I ne my DH would want to make love upon his return and before I could do that I had to tell him what I had done this past weekend.

I told him everything. Signing up on AFF. Talking online and then taking that to phone conversations. I told him that I as on the phone all night for two nights in a row. I told what was said. His reaction I think was shock- but then he said he was okay. I did not take this as it's okay to continue. I took it as he forgave me for what I did. I still know it is completely wrong and disrespectful.

There is absolutely no possibility for me to contact this OM. Yes- there could be a chance this guy is a psycho and could track me down thru my cell# (If that happens, it would be a greivous consequence for my horrible actions.

I told my DH that I should've been saying those things to him. I should be able to control myself in his absence. I'm not sure if I'm in a similar postion as SaddestWife regarding the imbalance between my DH's reaction and the shame I feel about this whole situation. Although, my DHs reaction, deservedly so, could change and I will bend over backwards to atone for this.

My next steps: MC with SH (or whoever my DH feels comfortable with), Establishing and maintaining solid boundaries , EPs EPs EPs, and pray by the Grace of God that I have a second chance with my husband and family.

PKB

Did the OM have your cell phone #? if so you need to change your number immediately.

Unfortunately there are sites he might be able to get your personal information based on your cell phone.

You are taking the right steps.

I'm glad all went well for you telling your husband, I know that must have been the hardest thing for you to do!

As long as you have set some strong hard boundaries, sounds like your marriage is safe

Good luck!

Thank you again everyone, for calling my affair what it was!! As I was waiting for my H to come home that day, I kept rereading this thread so that I would stop the rationalizations.

It was very hard to tell him, but he did say he was happy I told him right away when he returned. My guess is so he wouldn't have to go back and question any interaction my H and I had since. Does that make sense?

Yes- I changed my cell phone number yesterday- I wanted to do that after DH was told, so he could be involved in that decision.

Yesterday was a very normal day. I wad half expecting a little more intense reaction no that my revelation had a chance to sink in. I continue to pray that when those times come (I'm expecting thay will) that I can show him with my actions and maintaining stong boundaries, that he is so important to me.

PKB

Glad he is understanding, but he will be mulling this over for several days, maybe weeks. I would start to review MB and start a stronger R, something more than what you are doing right now. The best way to build strong boundaries is by working MB principles. Ensure you get 20 hours of UA time, do your best to fulfill each others ENs, and refrain from your worst LBs. Take regular inventory of your progress between you and your husband.

Don't think you are off the hook from him yet, he might just trigger in a couple days, hopefully not, but it is a wound to him no matter how much he understands.

WS- I think you're exactly right. My DH has had pretty bad headaches the last two nights. I think he's holding inside the hurt he feels from what I've done. I don't want to do any more harm than I've already done. I feel awful for causing him to feel this way. I am soooo sorry. Should I broach the topic of my infidelity or should I wait for him? Should I say I'm sorry or will that be emtpy words? Is there anything I should be doing?

PKB