SIL, you said you used Plan A and Plan B all those years ago...to no avail. I think it's time to Plan B again. I mean, he's "moved out," but spends a lot of time with you. Sounds like a big time cake eater. Good chance he's using that apartment for more A's. What a life--he's got it all, wife and child at home and a single life on the side!!! Where are the consequences for this bad behavior?

He just confessed two ONS--not sure why he would do that at this point--maybe to see just how much you will put up with? Or maybe he's conflicted and doesn't know how to resolve the situation he's put himself in.

Trying to figure that out while letting it hurt you over and over again will make you crazy. Shut off YOUR support--your half of the "cake," that makes this situation possible--with a dark Plan B and see what happens.

In the meantime, get your legal ducks in a row.

righttherewaiting--you are right. I think he is definitely conflicted but not adult and mature enought to either commit to real work on the M or divorcing. I do know I need better boundaries and Plan B is probably the way to go. I am definitely meeting some of his EN's--not his top but important ones nevertheless and I need to stop that. He is out of town on a trip this weekend so I have a reprieve to get ready.

What are the odds he is NOT currently having an A? The fog talk right now in this way seems odd if he is not screwing around. He claims he hasn't slept for years yet now is when he has to rent an apt. Admits he doesn't sleep so well there either, but being around me reminds him of his A and ONS so he is disgusted with himself and hates that.

At this point, does it even matter if he is having an A? Another one just proves to me that he can't be trusted and did not learn one thing from the last time and will always put himself and his "needs" before our M and my feelings.

Can this really be residual stuff from so long ago coming out now?

Odds are slim.