He should have paid more attention to how I ran my companies!
He always asked me for advise for problems in his business.

Spoke to his PA today - saying 'Oh... I forgot to pack WH's Aiforce Uniforms when the truck came from....(oppostion company)'
Her response 'Pardon?'

So I proceeded to fill her in on WH & OW & all the sordid details & even sent her the same 2 e-mails everyone got.

Wonder how long that will stay their little secret now?

I bought this book ' Preparing for Divorce'
Although I had covered most items, did you know that things like Frequent Flyer Miles are part of the Marriage Assets, and as WH travels the world business class, there should be a truck load of those.

So I will be going through the book with a fine tooth comb, following all the checklist.

As you can see at the moment - I'm angry
Especially as my youngest has just got back from the Doc. If they can't clear his sinuses within 2 weeks he'll have to go for surgery.
AND WH hasn't even called him.

How Dare he put the boys through this. They DO NOT deserve this - I'm furious

I'll really have to watch my back this weekend from WH, after telling his PA

I'll be calling the GPS company to keep me informed if he's coming this way, as I had to let the 24/7 guards go, because of lack of funds.

But the Gates are padlocked

Hold thumbs for me

praying for you and your sons DF.

DF-

I've got to say that I think your WH has waaay underestimated you. Even with your MS, you a force to be reckoned with.

I think he will be completely blind sided.

it's 6.15 am Saturday morning 7th August

Mood Change - I'm really sad / disappointed

Not so much for me - for my boys

Our Doc & friends are keeping in touch & letting rhem vent.

My youngest (17) said something to me yesterday, that was quite strange -

He said 'Mom, I never saw Dad being part of our family forever...not like death or anything....just not here with us'
He said he's been feeling this for about 6 months

And he said this quite calmly

How do you respond to that?

With a hug and some ice cream.

I'd ask him what made him think that, and just let him talk. I just checked in to see if you'd posted. Didn't you have some kind of legal thing going today? How did that go? (I realize it's still Friday here and you're ahead of me.)

tl

My Attorney hasn't received ANY response from his Letters to WH.

So, I believe we now have to issue Summons

From his travel diary, he goes to 'the bulge of Africa' - with her - from Monday 9th to Thursday 12th.
I don't know if they have cancelled their trip, to deal with the legallities

I ask my son...and he said he doesn't know what made him feel that.... it just came to him

Then I guess you'll have to move on to the hug and the ice cream!

tl

I've been wondering - actually the idea has been perculating for about a week

What if my WH is on drugs?

I looked up the personality changes of a coke addict & physical symptons

AND he checks about 80% of the 'boxes'

What do I DO?

Run faster!

Really though, Waywardness in itself will cause most of those symptoms. If he is using it's the same psychological slippage that took him to the place he's in as a cheater.

I think your son may have noticed or felt some subtle changes in your husband's behavior - perhaps less attention paid to him or whatever. All you can do is tell him that his father is very confused and not able to think of other people right now, to pray for him if he'd like to, and to know that the three of you are still a family, and that he can count on his brother and you for support and whatever else he needs.

We tend to think that 17 is pretty much a man, but it isn't. He's still a kid, and he will still need reassurance that he has a secure place to live, people who love him, and that you and his older brother will take care of him. His world has come undone, and I am sure he is having a slew of mixed feelings - pity and disappointment, fear, anger, and sadness.

I would remind him that sometimes we don't learn all the things we need to learn to do from our parents. Sometimes we learn what NOT to do. I would remind him that when he grows up, you expect him to work through the troubles in his marriage, no matter what.

I would also introduce him, at the signs of his first serious relationship, to MB materials - for both your boys. Read the concepts yourself, DF. Get familiar with them, and teach them to your boys. Learn the concepts, and pass it on, so that history has little chance of repeating itself.

I agree with the previous poster, that a lot of the behaviors behind an affair will mimic those of someone who has an addiction to drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, etc. It's basically leading a second life (being in a fog and a confused perception of reality) that your spouse has no part in, and it has to be resolved for MB to work, because the source of the addiction takes a primary place in that person's life - so much so that they cannot really function in a normal healthy romantic relationship.

Even for addictions such as drugs, alcohol, etc., separation is often needed for the addicted person to realize what they stand to lose. Often times, staying seems to enable the addicted person because it indicates little will be asked of them to correct the behavior, and that this person will love them and stay, no matter what they do to themselves and the marriage.

This is an edited copy of the e-mail I sent this morning to my friends


Hi Everyone

It�s Sunday morning 8th August at 8.45am

This week has been as crazy as last week.
Youngest son is really sick again with Chronic Sinusitis. He had to have chest X Rays and CT scan on Thursday and was back at the Doctor on Friday.
I think I could open up a Pharmacy with all the medication he�s on.
And on that point � WH hasn�t re-instated my Credit Card yet, so I had to pay � 12345 at the Pharmacy
I tried to send the account to him via e-mail and the mail was returned �Un Delivered� � SENDER BLOCKED
So now I�ll have to fax it to his office.

Oldest son is also taking strain, the stress is affection him badly. WH has been asking him to �do things� for him.
He e-mailed Oldest son a list of all the things he needed packing from the office & asked him to supervise the loading of the Transport Truck � xzvf�s Transport Again, last Thursday 5th August.
I said �NO � () & I will deal with this�
How dare he � Isn�t it bad enough that he�s done this and now not have the �balls� to come & get his own things.

Well I packed everything in that 8 ton truck - & it filled a 1/3 ! I packed his primary school suitcases, clothes, wine, bikes etc
Oh yes � even remembered his spare set of False Teeth & his car�s spare key.

WH has not contacted ***edit*** in any shape or form since FRIDAY 31ST JULY, after he left here saying �So, I suppose I�ll have to find somewhere to live now�

I don�t know why he was worried, because after looking at his bank statement, he seems to have spent money at mcncn � Furniture Company � so he can�t be sitting on the floor in his and OW�s new �home�

I have all my documents ready for the Attorney, whom I�m seeing next week.
All Financial Information � Costs / Bank Statements etc
Letters of Character Reference � from my Bank Manager / Doctors etc
Drug Screening Results � Tested Negative for 70 different drugs
Voice Recording of �their� conversation � Edited by the sound engineer
Change of Will
Change of Beneficiary on all Insurance Policies
Family Trust
House Contents Inventory
Car Change of Ownership Papers
Cancellation of ***edit*** Special Power of Attorney

And a whole lot more � 2 full lever arch files � 3 copies of everything � tabbed and labelled � and of course the 3rd copy is off site � SAFE
I have already delivered my Attorney�s files to him.

I haven�t ridden my horses yet, as I still don�t have much strength. But, I hope to start tomorrow after a serious lunging session.
I have started my exercises again, but can�t believe how weak I am, but I suppose weighing 49.5 kgs doesn�t help.
At least I�m sleeping a bit more � about 5 hours a night � and eating!
Some very good friends have been bringing me �Meal Replacement Supplements� as the spasms in my neck are in full swing & I can�t swallow very easily, unless it�s liquid. My back is still solid & my eyes are not great, with only about 50% vision. Still have Huge Pain � everywhere. But I�m OK mentally/ emotionally, for now.

Neither WH nor OW have responded to the Letters sent by my Attorney:
Amicable divorce settlement � 5th August
Repaying the R 500 00.00 back into the bond � 5th August
Alienation of Affection and breaking up a 25 year marriage � 9th August

Regarding the Divorce � there are 5 cases for divorce:
Abandonment � Setting up an alternative residence without notifying your spouse � TICK
Adultery - Having an Emotional or Sexual Affair � TICK
Mental Abuse � Threatened me, so had to get Protection Order � TICK
Disability resulting in Sexual Problems � TICK

The only one missing is - Imprisonment!

All I ask, is that when my sons call any of you � Please be there for them � let them rant & vent.
They are AMAZING boys and mean the world to me AND they DON�T DESERVE THIS!

Thank you everyone, you are amazing friends and I�m proud and grateful to know you

You're doing great but sharing too much information about your plans. Think "Art of War" - your WH is your enemy right now and should not have clue 1 from anybody about what you are going to do.

Sharing what he is or isn't doing is great.

LINK to The Art of War discussion

Thanks for your input - I have thought of 'Rules of engagement', but as he has No idea of my finances/ how much I have/ how much I spend on the house, he can only guess what I've put together & what I've dug up on his side - which is everything

I need my friends to know how he's acting and behaving towards the boys. I'm a 'big girl' and even so, I'm reeling - can you even vaguely imagine how they're feeling.

They are both sick (our flu season), stressed, writing exams = it's hell for them

I went to my Mom today with the boys - it's her birthday.
My youngest said "Gran, please can you take those pictures down (from her family photo wall)"
She asked "which one's"
and he pointed to photo's of WH
I cannot tell you how that breaks my heart

The GPS tracking company has been Amazing. Everytime his vehicle moves, they call me and give the direction he's going/ how long he's there for. Without them, I would be a nervouse wreck. I have No Idea what he has in mind & what 'they' have been brewing.
What has he done?

I'm not really conversant with The Art of War, but my initial reaction was the same. Be careful about giving out too much specific information to too many people. I don't know that sending out generic mailings to your address book is a good idea any longer. If you want to answer specific questions to the people who ask them, that's one thing. But to tell everybody? I don't think so. Everyone on your list knows now what he did, how you feel, and what you've done in response. Maybe from here on out you should keep any updates to just what's going on with you and your sons, i.e. how you're doing. Don't speculate on what Mr. DF and Ms. Skank might be doing, or what chicanery you KNOW they're doing. If you are perceived (by him, his attorneys, his job) to be maliciously gossiping about him, they might be able to turn it around so it bites YOU in the butt. You've done superbly so far. Don't do anything that might hand them a victory they don't deserve, and certainly couldn't have won themselves!

tl

Thanks Pepperband

I've gone to the Link & I'll read every word.

You people are great at keeping 'us' on the right track

Thanks for the advise tl
I 'trimmed' the people who I sent this last mail to, omitting anybody who didn't respond positively and supportively to my 1st mails. Also I have friends all over the world, who can only keep in touch via e-mail becasuse of time zones/funds etc

I'm also shortening the info and as you saw, I'm concentrating on 'us', just had to have a wicked moment on the 'false teeth' - that's my evil streak emerging

DragonFire- just finished reading your thread, you're doing great and getting wonderful input and support on here!

Just wondering, exactly how long has OW been in the picture? Sounds like they worked together for a while, how long has A been going on that you know of? NO matter how many times I read someone's story, it's just so disgusting and heartbreaking to see the absolute selfishness of waywards hurt and destroy families again and again.

I agree with the others, I would seriously consider keeping your legal strategies and actions close to the vest and not tell a lot of people what you're doing to fight WH and OW right now. I know you think these people are your friends, but it's so hard to know what people will do with the information you tell them, or who you can really trust. I'm sure you felt you could trust your WH (as we all did) and look what he's done to betray that trust. Just be careful.

I'm not sure how the laws are in Africa but I know in the U.S. I have been surprised and disgusted to find out that concerning property, what I thought was 'mine' turned out to become 'his'. I hope the laws are in your favor there.

Also wondering, how is your faith?