GG,

Thanks for sharing that story. And thanks for being here and supporting those of us who can't seem to find our way on some days.

The husband of a friend of mine died a few months after XWH left me, and I have often told her that I would have rather had my XWH die than leave in the manner that he did. I've often thought that it would be much easier. Sorry to say but financially it would have as I would have been the beneficiary on life ins, retirement etc. Now I'm the beneficiary of nothing but nothing. There is a practical side to marriage as I have learned.


I will check out Vows thread. I don't recall reading any of her info.

Thanks for your support.

Chai,

I used to think the same thing about my WH. We have now been divorced 6 years. A good friend of ours from when we were married left his wife of 15+ years and their 22 and 18 year old daughters to hook up with his "soulmate" from 20 years prior. It was a rush rush divorce leaving his first wife with virtually nothing which was amazing because this gentleman was quite successful (VP level positions in large companies) and managed his money very well. We live in a community property, 50/50 state. He married the black widow OW and had very little to do with his daughters after that. This was 3 years ago.

Two weeks ago, our former friend (both XH and I hadn't seen him in at least the 6 years we have been divorced if not more) was brutally killed by his new wife's 23-year old son. The stepson/murderer sliced his throat and then stabbed him 30 times. A mutual friend of ours is in the law enforcement agency investigating the murder. There are a lot of inconsistencies in both the stepson/murder's and new wife's account of what happened and the kid set himself up for an insanity defense by telling the responding constables that "the angels told him to do it." The new wife didn't even have the courtesy to tell the guy's daughters what happened - they're mother had to read it in the local newspaper! She then called the homicide division to inquire what happened. When they asked who she was and told them she's is XW and the mother of victim's two daughters, the investigator was intrigued to find out he had daughters because the new wife told the investigators he had not family other than them....interesting, because he also has a brother! When the investigator asked the new wife about it, she excused it away by saying that the daughters had cut off contact with their Dad so she and their Dad no longer considered them family.

We were all waiting for the wake and/or memorial service to be held so we could pay our respects. Even the deceased's brother was flying in from Europe where he lives so he could be on hand whenever it finally took place. Turned out the new wife went and claimed the body and quietly had it cremated (perhaps to prevent it from ever being exhumed for further evidence/investigation?). Never gave the brother or his two daughters the chance to see him one more time. To honor him, his XW and daughters held a gathering (known in some circles as an Irish Wake) at the pub our friend liked to frequent. It was a very nice tribute because he would not have wanted people staring at his body in a box, crying and whispering. He would have wanted drinking and fun/happy stories remembering him. Interestingly, when I arrived, I approached his XW to express my condolences and she asked me whether the stepson could really walk if he's found not guilty by reason of insanity (ngri). I explained to her that its not the "get out of jail" free card people think it is and walked her through the mechanics of it all, including that it is very hard to prove a ngri case because you have to show a propensity or history of mental illness it just can't be suddenly, I went insane. The XW then proceeded to tell me that she strongly feels the new wife is some how involved in the murder plan. I told her that, for her daughters' sake, I hope that proves to be true because then the new wife could not benefit from his insurance or estate and the daughters would get it, instead. Apparently there is a will but it has not been read, yet, but.....here it comes........the new wife already has an inheritance she received when her second husband passed away, supposedly from cancer. This took place in California, so no body here knows whether that story is true. BUT, here it comes again.....her first husband is also dead!

I feel terrible that someone is dead and a young person ruined the rest of his own life in this way. I also feel so sad for the BS and the two daughters because they are taking it VERY VERY hard. Even after 3 years, the BS is devastated and hurting, so while it seems like it would be easier, it isn't.

In a really sick way, though, I could help but think..."The wheels on the bus go round and round...." That Karma Bus is really something or, as my mother says, God is strict.

So......I come over here to check up on Opt and what do I find?????.......

Miss Chai-lady and Hope have moved in.......

(now watch, SL, Luna, Fox and Chrisner follow suit...... :o)

Not much to add beyond an "I-love-ya" and

You all are still GODDESSES to me........

Not

Wow Brit, that is a story right off of 48 Hours. You know, I watch it frequently and I can count on one hand the number of episodes that are NOT about a spouse suspiciously dying, and, you guessed it...an affair in there somewhere. It's sad, but more often than not the WSs life seems to go downhill in some way or another after they find their soulmate. And this man sounded like he was intelligent, successful etc. Just makes you wonder how they fall into the wayward trap.

What a sad, sad story. I hope that there is an investigation into that case because something isn't adding up. Are you sure this one wasn't on 48 Hours? It sounds familiar. But then again, they all have the same theme don't they?

Hey Not!!! Yes, Hope and I moved in over here. We were just squatters on the other board. Squatters with no rights so we had to leave. Glad you stopped by. Come back again. Looks like we'll be here for a long while.....UGH!

Not2fun, thanks for stepping on this side of the fence. I stay on SAA because I try to throw 2x4s on exposure. Tell them what happened to me.

We are Goddessess and will continue to be for life!

Greengables. So sorry for your loss. I remember reading about the passing of your DH when it happened. He had the best year of his life. I guess that is the most that anyone can ask for.

Britbrat, another example of a wayward going down in the worst way possible. Sad for the family. Maybe the wayward was starting to "defog" and the black widow wife took action. Who will ever know. It is a tragedy.

And Chai, we are in this together! Through ups and downs, good and bad we depend on each other and our other MB friends. You are the best!

Thanks Hope. We are going to support each other through this. It will be painful, but we are going to make it!!

Can we do that with a couple of margaritas in our hand sipping them on the beach???

I've been on a grief site for over five years and never heard that one, that's good, I'll have to remember that. It's true!

Our focus and attitude are one of our most important assets. I figure at this point, one of the best things I can do is keep myself healthy so I can continue working...retirement then becomes a moot point for me!

I am actually enjoying being in charge of my future and my own retirement. My ex was blowing so much money so fast it wasn't even funny. Now I KNOW where all the money goes. I am happily working and making a decent living. I am back on track with my own retirement goals. My retirement may be simpler - but I'm going to still get there. I won't have to depend on anyone but myself. I refuse to depend on another man for my financial security.

ChaiLover, financially it is easier if your husband dies IF he's provided for you. There are plenty of widows who have found out too late that there is little to no money. I think being widowed is also a little easier if the marriage was bad. You have to deal with feelings of guilt for a while, but guilt tends to fade.

My state is common property, and the county judges tend to be wife friendly especially if they've been homemakers for decades. Usually they get at least 50% of the retirement, get carried on the insurance for a few years, etc.

Still2,

I totally agree with that. It is nice being in charge of your own future. Although I was the money manager in the family, XWH had a few "secret" credit cards that I didn't know about which added up to substantial debt. Of course the recipient of that debt that "we" acquired was certainly not me. Large cash advances went to pay for OW's trailer that she was about to lose. Classy chick that OW.....

I still have to get back on track for retirement, but one step at a time. It's nothing short of divine intervention that I am selling my business. This person has the money and enthusiasm that I lost long ago, so it will get a new lease on life. I don't know how I have hung on as long as I have, but as Queenie says ... in God's timeframe.

I've had a couple of job interviews but nothing yet. I am keeping my part time sales job until I find something full time. I am hoping that I will get something decent that will allow me to do the retirement catch up game.


In my case, I was the bread winner for many years, and the financial manager too, so I was the one who set up the life insurance policies, beneficiaries etc. I knew I was the beneficiary of it all. But, no more.

XWH also tried to get support from me during the D. He had a heart attack 6 months after he took off, so he and his atty decided that I was "voluntarily" underemployed (I left corporate and opened a small retail store). The judge ordered me to go to a career counselor who testified that I have an MBA and could easily make 6 figures and that I was way below my capabilities. That was just the tip of the iceberg but I'd be writing all night to tell you the rest of the story. I said it would be hysterical and unbelievable if it were happening to someone else because you wouldn't quite believe the story. True though.

Anywhoo, I think you deal with feelings of guilt either way. I have it drilled into my head that it's a process and I will get through it sooner or later.

Hi Chai. Nice place you have here. I was thinking of getting one of my own.

Chrisner!

I read your whole 100+ page D thread last week when it was resurrected from backpage hell. Intriguing reading on the trials and tribulations of Wayzilla and Gollum, not to mention inspirational the way you and your DD adjusted.

Come around on this Divorce board more often. We need to liven this joint up and not let SAA have all the fun!

That stinks, Chai. Underemployed in today's job market? Huh. Anyone who has a job is pretty thankful.

The good news is you're smart. You'll succeed, and you won't have some horrible slub committing financial betrayal on top of sexual betrayal.

Hey Chris, c'mon over. We've got a few vacancies down the hall. The rent is pretty cheap....