I know he'd not take me because he'd say it's not allowed to bring spouses. I'd love to go along.

..There is only ONE guarantee that I can give you right now. If You DON'T follow MB, you will live through YEARS of this and you will WANT a divorce in the end. You will grow to HATE your WH and you won't want anything to do with him. THAT WILL HAPPEN...

Is it possible to go back to being just friends after being romantically involved? WS says it is. I am skeptical but I dont have a lot experience in this arena. They see, talk work together everyday.

Second, I read a couple of days ago, a post by MrW(I think) about how Plan B isn't really about saving one's marriage. As a BW, who has been in Plan B for almost 8 months, I was UPSET. DrH suggests that BWs only Plan A for 3-4 weeks and then go into Plan B. He also suggests that BHs Plan A for about 6 months and then go to Plan B. Now, if that means that Plan B is REALLY about PERSONAL recovery than wouldn't that mean that DrH is telling BWs that there is NO CHANCE? I don't remember reading anywhere that DrH believes this to be true.
/quote]

Scotland, he is not telling BS' there is no chance. He is saying there is LESS CHANCE if you don't. Plan B is about removing yourself from the circle of abuse from the affair. Staying in contact with an active wayward is dangerous because it depletes the lovebank so badly that feelings can turn to hate.

[quote=Dr Harley--Plan B is not designed to send a message to your husband, or to let him think about how much he'll miss you after a divorce. It is designed to protect you from the emotional fallout of your husband's affair. It's a risky move, because it often leads to divorce. But the alternatives are even worse. If you don't go to plan B, when it's all over, you'd be an emotional basketcase.[/quote

[quote=Dr Harley--When a WS refuses to leave the lover, there are no good options for the BS. At first, plan A is recommended because there is a slim hope (15%) that, with encouragement, a WS will make the decision to leave the lover. But 85% don't do that, even when plan A is implemented perfectly.

That leaves two other choices which are both bad. The first is to continue plan A indefinitely, trying to encourage the WS to leave the lover, and the second is to initiate plan B, which is to completely separate from the WS.

The problem with a coninuation of plan A is that it usually leads to severe emotional symptoms, including years of post-traumatic stress disorder, even when the WS eventually returns. Many women that I've counseled actually have nervous breakdowns in their effort to draw their WS back to them. Instead of making the BS attractive to the WS, plan A actually makes these poor women so unattractive that it completely eliminates all hope of reconciliation. And 95% of all affairs eventually "die a natural death." If you do absolutely nothing, they usually end.

So I've recommended plan B rather early in the effort to separate the WS from his lover. In your case, you've noticed that you have experienced a detached feeling about it all, even your husband's filing for divorce. That's the way it's supposed to turn out. You are far more attractive while in emotional control of yourself than you would ever be begging and pleading for his return. You tried that tactic already, and it hasn't worked.

Plan B doesn't always work, but it does protect you from the intense emotional pain that you could be experiencing day in and day out. Your husband may divorce you, but it won't be because you have implemented plan B. And if he returns to you, it won't be because you have implemented plan B. But if he does return, with a sincere willingness to completely leave his lover and follow our plan for recovery, he'll find a wife who is still sane if you follow plan B.
[/quote

from His Needs, Her Needs, pg 168

"A separation is helpful in protecting the emotions of the betrayed spouse. But another reason a separation is helpful is that the betrayed spouse withholds the fulfillment of needs he/she performed prior to the affair. In most cases, a lover meets one to two important emotional needs, and a spouse meets two or three. The wayward spouse comes to realize that the lover cannot meet needs his/her spouse had met and it sometimes leads to the realization that "you can't have your cake and eat it too." A separation may also result in the opportunity for unpleasant experiences between a spouse and a lover, driving down the Love Bank account, but don't count on it."

In summation, Scotland, Plan B gives your marriage the best chance possible even though the odds are bad when a spouse will not end his affair. And if your WS does not wake up and come back you are better prepared for divorce because you will be emotionally detached at that point.

Plan B is not designed to send a message to your husband, or to let him think about how much he'll miss you after a divorce. It is designed to protect you from the emotional fallout of your husband's affair. It's a risky move, because it often leads to divorce. But the alternatives are even worse. If you don't go to plan B, when it's all over, you'd be an emotional basketcase.

..The problem with a coninuation of plan A is that it usually leads to severe emotional symptoms, including years of post-traumatic stress disorder, even when the WS eventually returns. Many women that I've counseled actually have nervous breakdowns in their effort to draw their WS back to them. Instead of making the BS attractive to the WS, plan A actually makes these poor women so unattractive that it completely eliminates all hope of reconciliation.

Is it possible to go back to being just friends after being romantically involved? WS says it is. I am skeptical but I dont have a lot experience in this arena. They see, talk work together everyday.