You know what? The OM said this EXACT SAME THING TO ME!!

I am gunna tell you this ONCE!!

THEY WILL STILL BE IN CONTACT!!

We tried at least 6 times to end contact so I can "fix" my marriage for the kids, they won't be able to do it, so everything they said to each other is BULL SH*T!

I wish I still had those conversation recorded what me and the OM was talking about, because it was a spit image of this!

Sigh...don't trust them, they will still be in contact. Just keep snooping and you'll find out!

Agree. She called him Friday and said "no contact" but they couldn't go 2 days!

Steve, once you get the goods, we can help you rain holy hell on the OM and expose this affair, which will kill it for good.

Steve, I am a newbie so not much help, but I do feel a "kindred spirit" kind of connection with you, we are both from Jax! I am following your thread and please listen to all the wise people on this board they are wonderful! You are doing great! Keep it up!

Here is what we have in store for this OM:

Steve,

You are doing great and getting good advice.

Please do NOT confront WW about the email exchange with POSOM that you saw. Right now, you need that source of intel and if you confront her you are going to lose it as she goes further underground.

Listen to Mel. She will be your guide down the path that leads to your best chance at saving your family. You seem to have what it takes to pull this off. The plan is crucial and it is imperative that you follow it.

Best of luck and also thanks so much for your service to our country.

Steve - what the others said! You're getting great advice.

The only thing I have to add is to keep secure, duplicate, preferably offsite copies of the results of your snooping. This includes chat logs, email, browsing history, cell phone logs, and credit/debit card statements. When waytards realize they're in a corner, sometimes they try to search for and destroy any evidence...which is easy to replace if you have an offsite backup.

I'd also get a voice activated recorder and hide it in her car for while you're gone. Maybe stash another one in the bedroom; she might call OM from your room after the kids have gone to bed. I'm betting this one is going to get an affair phone.

I'd also consider speaking to an attorney (if you haven't already) about the best way to keep the kids in the house and the best way for YOU to stay in the house. She really seems to have this mindset that she's going to take the kids and leave. How old are your kids, anyway? I think I missed that.

There are a couple of threads I'm going to find and bump for you. Keep it up!

Remove the real life names from your previous post.

Melody... too funny. needed that humor this morning.

So I did not go out on the ship today. In fact I spoke with my chain of command a little and they wanted me to go to Navy Legal to start seeking ways to protect myself and our children. So I went over and talked with a paralegal about the divorce process and what she can and can't do. Florida is a no-fault state. Being a little more concerned on how the military treats divorce and understanding the requirements for support is what I am trying to figure out. I was told that she could leave the house at any time with the kids, and I could do nothing until after she leaves... which I would have to file for emergency custody hearing.

I do not want to divorce, I am simply trying to gather information on the process to make myself a little smarter.

I will not let WW know that I know they are still communicating. I know if she finds out she will find a work around and continue to communicate. After finding out through e-blaster that they were still communicating, I became more interested in flexispy for her cell phone, but I called the company and her cell phone is not compatible... any other software out there which could work? Her cell phone is a Palm Treo 755p.

I really wish I had a copy of that book, Surviving an Affair, on hand today. I would read it cover to cover in one sitting. I am so motivated to bust this affair so we can focus on our marriage. It should be here on Weds/Thurs since I had to order online as it was not available in the bookstores here.

Since I know they are still communicating, I feel there is nothing I can do at this point without having the knowledge of the book. I am home for two more days with her now and it's difficult. BTW, I did not allow her to sleep in our bed last night. I told her that if she didn't want to be here, then I didn't want her sleeping in my bed. That really made her mad, but she went and slept on the couch. Should I continue this?

At this point, I don't think trying to fill her EN's is going to do me one bit of good. They are being filled by OM, and she is not even receptive to my attempts.

Melody, I hope there is trouble in paradise. I'm just going to hold on to that intel for now and she what else surfaces. Unfortunately, I can't find out if he's married. His facebook page says single. There may be a way to get more info from his friends or mother, but that might prove difficult without an inside source. This guy lives in Arkansas, and we are in FL.

Thanks BerlinMB, I'll take better care to remove names from posts

Have you read up on Plan A? That's what you can do right now. It is kinda pointless to try to fill her ENs, just for the sake of filling ENs, because it won't do much good. However, it WILL demonstrate that you are capable and WILLING of meeting her needs. Plan A is about demonstrating a WILLINGNESS to become a better husband - to meet her needs. You need to show her that things CAN be GOOD with you.

You need to pursue her. Women respond to that behavior. If you were to NOT meet her needs, she would think you didn't care - no woman is going to want a man who is indifferent to her.

Also, right now you can gear up on your preparations for Exposure. Exposing this affair is the ONLY way to kill it. You need to start researching. Who is the OM? Who is his family? Find his parents, his friends, mutual friends, etc. Get a list of ALL people that are important and influential to your wife. Parents, siblings, close friends, and yes, CHILDREN.

Affairs thrive on the fantasy. You need to crush that fantasy. Right now she's going to lay low, and play nice. Pretend to end this marriage the 'right' way so she can get you out of the house, divorce and bring OM in to replace you.

Do NOT play along with this game. Get ready to EXPOSE what she is planning. Let people know



They are plotting to take your family away from you. The rest of the world needs to know this.

I'm sorry this is happening, but there is A LOT you can do now. Lay low - try to not talk relationship talk with your wife. When
SHE brings it up (you don't bring it up) say "I will not participate in the destruction of my children's family. Hey you wanna take the kids to the park later?"

Be pleasant, and upbeat. DON'T DRINK!!!!! Plan activities with your kids and invite her. Make it clear that if she walks the path she is planning, she will be LEAVING the family, not leaving you.

Read up on Plan A.

You can do this!

Have you READ the EN questionnaire?


*LINK* to the ENQ



Are you trying to tell the forum that you cannot meet ANY of these needs ???

Download the ENQ, and answer the questions in the way you "think" your WW would be most likely to grade your performance.
Then, get working !!!

I have read the EN questionnaire and even filled mine out. Could not convince WW to do the same. I know that I can fulfill her EN's, but she has to allow me to, which she is not doing right now.

Can you microwave her cell phone? And when she discovers it doesn't work, buy her a phone that IS compatible w/ flexspy?

Steve, it's imperative you find this guys family. Notice he says he "likes" her. He's in a protective bubble. you can't hurt him, so he thinks. You have to make your WW not worth his trouble. If he "loved" her he would have answered the phone to tell you what for. When you invade his space, when you cause him discomfort, when you approach his people, that's when he will
run like the weasel he is. He has stepped into your word, now go into his. GF

Ok, I think I may have found something but not 100% sure yet. Did a background check on the OM and it popped with a marriage record and no divorce record. Trying some other searching to see what I can uncover.

Keep at it !

Steve, you are getting excellent advice. Just wanted to pop in and give you kudos for being brave and doing what's necessary to fight for your M

The book is going to just give you an outline of an affair, why they occur and how to recover the marriage after the affair ends. It doesn't really get into HOW to kill the affair. We can help you with that.


Nononno, get her back in your bed! Be as sweet as possible. You want to attract her back into the marriage.



This is true. She won't allow you to meet her needs. The best you can do is avoid lovebusters and use every opportunity to show her how attractive you can be.

Good footwork!! Here are the next steps, Steve. We first need to get proof of the affair. I think you will get this by the end of the week via eblaster. You might want to also consider putting a voice activated recorder in her car to pick up her phone conversations. These are relatively cheap at Radio Shack. GEt the digital recorders and put this under her car seat.

Once you get evidence of the affair, the next step is exposure. Exposure is the most potent weapon against the affair. Dr Harley calls it the most important step towards recovery. But it must be done strategically.

For example, you will want to do your exposures in one day. This is done to get a tsunami effect and to prevent the affairees from pre-empting you and spinning the story.

The affair should be exposed to the following:

1. OM's wife, parents and facebook friends
2. yours and your wife parents
3. close friends and family
4. any children who are old enough to understand the concept of adultery

With your parents, close friends and family, you would tell them about the affair, tell them you are trying to save your marriage and --------->real important-----> ask their advice. Asking for their advice tends get their buy in. Ask them to use their influence to persuade your WW to end her affair.

With the OM's parents [I would call them] ask them to use their influence to persuade their son to leave your wife alone. This is a POWERFUL exposure becasue it destroys any future for your wife in this family. If they know who she is, she won't ever be welcome there and your WW will be afraid to meet them.

Another powerful exposure is to the OM's facebook friends. We have an awesome template that can be sent out to his fb friends. We can talk when we get to this point and I will give you more details.