Good luck on exposing more, that is your best bet, this should be an easy kill. Hope you find his mommy.

I think I have his home address when he live in the state above me...He lives about 10 mines from me now at a trailer park..

My State has a crime look up site for free...I looked him up weeks ago and he has two open cases...Credit card non payment judgment in May and last July a pot and pot pipe judgment against him....Nice...!

This information is enough for you to file a restraining order against him being around your children. The drug use is enough to get an injunction that he is not allowed to be around them at all.

I would also stop the "verbal agreement" stuff. File for abandonment and get her for child support. Also file for sole physical and legal custody of the children.

Do this AFTER she moves out. She won't have a legal leg to stand on.

Also, find out if your state has an alienation of affection law and then sue the other man on those grounds.

Plan A, Plan B if necessary, but I strongly believe that taking dramatic and full blown leagal action against a WW is a way to wake her up from the fantasty. It will at a minimum secure your rights as a father.

Yes, this is crazy. Keep your head about you, keep coming here for advice, and be strong. Easier said than done.

I'm also advising you from experience. I've been through the legal battles and family court.

Protect your children from this man child.

At this point I will do some research in my state and see what I can do. I do plan to sue her for the house bills for August.

She claims she moved out on the 1st because when I asked for half the mort. payment, electricity, and food, etc. She said I will leave on the first but I can't take any of my stuff until the 18th and I will still come by and see the kids when I am not working...

WTH, that is what you are doing now. Sure you don't shower there or use the laundry room, but you don't have a place of your own...She is just using that excuse to not pay her share

I am going to lay low on issues like this and other till she is gone on the 18th. Then I will unleash it all...Until then, I will do some research on my state and see what I can do and go back and see the lawyer and tell him what I want.

Thanks

Good idea. She can't just move out and not pay her bills anymore. That is not how it works.

Well last Thursday she got a Protective Order against me. She I was trying to hurt her and a judge signed it.

Spoke to just before I got served and she said it was against her and not the house and the kids, I said not true. I can't see the kids for a week nor come to the house but once more with the cops to get my stuff.

She broke down and said it's not that, ran back to court to remove the order but it was too late. Order is against what I said

So today is Sunday, have not seen the house, her or my kids for three days.

She moves out this Wednesday and we have court on Thursday to settle this order. She said she would life the Order however can't get it off my record.

So thanks for lying and placing that on my record!

Before I was served, I sent her the letter in the Surving An Affair book that stated that I did not want to see or talk to her again and that once the affair was over I wanted to create an enviroment that was pleasing to both of us and move forward with her.

I also told her that I would do everything and anything for the kids, but she and I were not to speak unless if was through our common friend Dave. So far that has been the case, yesterday there were a few questions here and there.

The kids have been calling me since Thursday evening. I would say around a dozen times. I have not once answered the call. Kills me, but I don't want anyting used against me on Thursday.

So four days until she leaves and we no longer speak. This is getting more and more painful

You are wrong to not speak with your kids on the phone. Morally and legal position you put yourself in for custody.

You should be able to control what you say to the kids to prevent trouble. However after Thursday the kids should be told the truth.

But if I answer the phone I am breaking the order. I don't want to put myself in jail till Thursday.

Not sure what u mean by me being wrong not to talk to them.... Can u please explain what u mean?

Thanks all alot

As long as you don't initiate the calls you will be OK.

Did the judge say NC with the WW or WW and the kids?

No contact with the wife and the kids and I can't be at the house even if no one is there

So today I got a chance to really talk to a friend who caught his wife cheating 10 years ago. He is a friend of mine for the past 26 years. I knew about it, but we never really sat down and talked.

I also spoke to another friend of 26 years (we all three went to HS together) and he is now a pastor.

Both brought up the same thing that is in the back of my mind. My WW has a medical condition. that is causing her to act this way

For those that have not read my first post, my wife started a anti-depressent daily pill about a year and a half ago once she found out her thyroid was "out of whack" and this cause really bad mode swings and bad PMS

She had a doctors appointment two weeks ago but did not go, (her lawyer appointment got in the way even tough the doctors appointment was scheduled first).

How do I convince my WW to seek help when she moved out today and I can't talk to her? She wont listed to a word I say, she is pissed because I exposed her affair and she tells me she is sleeping with no one. She has told me she is but that is "only so I can blame someone other than myself for the failed mariage".

I am at the point where I am mad, I do wish I could turn back time and be more of a loving emotional husband, but I am more now concerned about her health.

I know the guy she is seeing has a pot drug conviction last summer and she does hang with the 20-22 year old crowd (she is 35) and I know they all drink alot (Facebook posts) and I am sure she is getting high once in awhile, but I don't she is a "drug user" like coke or pills or shooting up by any means.

But how do I convince someone who hates me and won't listed to anyone to get her to seek medical help?

I called her doctor a month ago and he said "get her here and I will talk to her and get blood drawn and check". Easier said then done.

I know how she makes decisions and I know she can be "moved" to do something without thinking out the "real" end result.

For example, when I met her 12 years ago she was sleeping with my friend and he was maaried. This is how I met her. Once she stopped sleeping with him she chased a pipe dream guy to NC and that failed. She then jump to a guy that took about 4 months to cheat on her, so that failed. She called me up and I went down to see her. After a few weeks she said she wanted to move back up here. I said great and she moved back and moved in with my friends (the one she was sleeping with) wife. My friend and I had a falling out so I did not know him anyone and from I found out, he fell back into drugs and just disappeared one day.

So my WW moved in with his wife. Two months later my friend came back and told his wife EVERYTHING and she called my WW and told her she had 4 hours to get her stuff out of her house.

So as you can see, we met under very odd conditions. But bottom line, I don;t care about her past, once we became a couple the past was the past. But this is an example of her thinking at times.

So here we go, she cheated on me with a 20 year old and she has moved out. She is repeating history of not thinking things out and doing stuff that has bad results, EXCEPT for starting a relationship with me. I have never hit her, cheated on her, had her look for my paycheck, never had her worry if I was coming home that night, I have never been without a job, and I have always supported her choice to try new jobs, go back to school, etc.

How do I get her to seek help?????

Thanks in advance to everyone, your comments really do help

Her thyroid condition has absolutely nothing to do with her adultery, so I would stop worrying about it. It she wants to get her thyroidism treated, she will. But she is a big girl who if fully capable of going to the doctor.

In the meantime you have bigger problems on your plate, such as her adultery and her abandonment. I would stay focused on those issues and leave the minutia for another day.

oh ok, so you knew she was like this when you married her and signed on for this. I wasn't aware that you knowingly married a cheater and volunteered for this.

I am sorry you made a terrible choice by marrying this woman.

As long as you don't initiate the calls then you should be ok. No judge is going to stop kids from calling you.

Now, that being said:

You married a disaster. This woman is the type that isn't going to get well just by using MB. She needs deep psych help. Your mountain to climb is massive.

She will continue to be broken, even if she returns.

Your best course of action is to file legal protections for yourself, request a CPS investigation of the conditions your children are in, especially since you know OM does drugs.

You're playing defense in a game designed for people who must fight with offense. The legal ball is rolling and you're waaaaaaay behind.

You're a lost dad. You need to get your head together and accept that while the past is the past, it really isn't. She's cheated with married men and has cheated on her husband. She has no boundaries or respect for marriage.

Why would this change with you?

File legal protections. You need a lawyer immediately and need to protect your children from the exposure to drugs.

Why you would put your children in such danger is beyond me. Get CPS involved. You know there is drug use involved. Have her tested.

Get an order putting the kids with you until she comes to her senses or you D.

Please listen to helpforlostdads. The most important thing is protecting your children from your very destructive wife.

Dr Harley's post to a man over on the weekend forum who is in the same boat as you:

Thank you all for your input. My kids are number 1 and I plan to do what I can do get her away from them and also have the 20 year kept away from him.

I do have one question. Yes when we met she was seeing a married man, yes 4 years prior to that she was seeing a married man. Two years after we met her boyfriend at the time cheated on her.

Does seeing a married person make you a cheater when you arfe single? Does seeing a married person when you are single make you the same as seeing another man when you are married? Do you fall into the same bucket as a cheater either way in your opinion?

Thanks so much for all the replies, they truly do help....

My jaw just hit the floor . . .

Is your wife's current OM single? If he is, do you consider him to NOT be a cheater because, after all he's not married and he didn't make any vows to YOU so he can do what he pleases?

*thud*

It means she has absolutely no respect for marriage and believes in adultery. Your wife is an advocate of adultery, so it should be no surprise to you that she cheats.