Enlightened -- Thank you. I won't contact the OM again, though I would like to bait him into him doing something stupid. But telling him that he can't stop me from contacting his family and friends -- well, it has been five weeks since I wrote and an email now might seem odd. I'm undecided on this.

Tom -- Thanks for your support. I enjoy hearing from you.

Sorry to hear about your son, though I'm not if the gf was bad news. I love "Ride the High Country." I watched it last year and admired Steve Judd. He was an excellent hero -- noble, stoic, and courageous but also human. Like him, I would be willing to take a bullet on behalf of someone else, especially a woman.

This is conjecture, but me telling Honey that the OM was not to be around our kids might have worked. I talked with Honey the other night and midway through our chat, DD3 spoke up. "Mommy," she asked, "are you mad with Daddy?" Honey replied, "No, I'm not mad at Daddy. Nobody's mad at Daddy." Not surprisingly, I believe DD3 more than Honey. I think that Honey told the OM that I didn't want him around our daughters and he got mad at Honey. Just a thought. If some of the female vets would like to offer their thoughts ... SapphireReturns?

I would like to expose again. The OM has a son, who's not his biological kid, with whom he's fond. The son is on Facebook. The problem is, I've exposed three times already. Exposing again would be trickling it out too much, imho.

This weekend I will talk with a couple who could serve as my intermediary during a Plan B. Here's my main reluctance about going to Plan B: I learn how to meet my WW's EN's in Plan A, in a way I would not if I went to Plan B. But don't worry. I will go to Plan B when neccessary.

------------------
Me: BH, 39 (and jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

You should put out a call for SchoolBus to analyze his email. She is very good at it. I think she does it professionally.

princessmeggy -- Thanks! Great idea. I will find her email and ask.

------------------
Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

I am NO Schoolbus and I don't even pretend to play her on TV.

The email OM sent you is very interesting for me to read. I thought it was funny what he did. He cc'd it to your WW so he could knock you down and even place things in her head that she will think YOU said.

Obviously, exposure at his workplace was a DIRECT HIT. Good to know. The next time you want to expose him, contact his employer. Don't contact him anymore. You don't need to. He is like a chewed up piece of gum that got stuck on the bottom of your shoe.

Just work on your Plan A, prepare for your Plan B and go forward. BTW, although there has been some talk about how Plan B is NOT for marital recovery, that is not necessarily true. It is part of DrH's plans. Plan B is mainly to save the BS from any further abuse from the A. Plan A only works alone in 15% of cases. Your Plan A is still important as a prelude to Plan B. Without a good Plan A, your Plan B won't be as effective.

Micheal
Read some of your thread and want to ask does your WW work with OM or is he her boss? if that is the case then you had every right to contact his place of business.

If not then I would not contact his place of business again because he could build a case of "defamation of character".

I know, I know he is pond scum but he can turn this on you.

You have exposed 3 times, time to sit back and be silent.

Work on your own goals that you listed a few pages back and see what develops.

Good luck.

Sounds like a certain POSOM didn't take too kindly to EXPOSURE.....

You KNOW you've done well when they retaliate back......

As IF you really cared about his opinion of you......

Nicely done.....

Not2fun

The thought that came to my mind was, "Here's a guy that too big for his britches! He's in for a rude awakening."

Hi again MJ,

I forgot to congratulate you in my post yesterday for landing a job - that is great! Considering the slow economic recovery that is relatively quick. I don't think it makes much difference at all that your income will be a little less than your W's at this point. Considering the millions of married couples in the US, I would imagine that many are characterized with the W earning as much or more. If money and earning potential was the principal driving factor, then I would imagine that 80% of the women would be chasing 20% of the men, and probably most of those would be atheletes!

More later - hopefully.

Tom

Your obsession with me is relentless. You are annoying me, and you are more persistent than I thought you would be. If he had said this to you in person, he would have sighed, and pretended to try to swat you like a fly - but the true meaning of this is that you really are getting to him, and that he had not anticipated that you would even put up a fight. He is an egotistical person who believes nobody would deign to challenge him. You are a huge surprise to him for ever even challenging his self-perceived power. The fact that he opened with this sentence is meant to try to belittle you - an aggressive stance to the message.

I�m certain you feel justified, hiding behind your fake morals and pretend higher purpose, as you send your rants to my friends and family. An attempt at reversal here. He accuses you of "fake morals" when in fact he is the one who pretends to his friends and family to have high moral standards. He is angry that you have exposed his true colors. After all, what stranger would criticize a man for trying to salvage his marriage? But I am not some random acquaintance or friend-of-a-friend to whom you can sell your misguided notions and half-truths. So please, save the �children of God� speech for the other pretenders hiding behind organized religion as they continue their crusades of vengeance, intolerance and spite.

This is a multiple-shot rant. First, he takes a personal shot at you about what he is telling you is a FAKE ATTEMPT to recover your marriage. When he says that part about "what stranger would criticize....trying to salvage his marriage" his meaning is that you are using a wolf in sheep's clothing to enter his life. This is a direct accusation that you are not what you say you are, and that you used this cover as a vendetta against him. The second shot at you is that you are not a person of faith - he calls you out as a "pretender". This is meant as a direct and personal attack on your personal relationship with God, and your religious faith and committment. The third shot he makes is an interesting one to me, and I do not quite get it, but perhaps if I explain its meaning, it will mean something to you.

The third shot is against organized religion in GENERAL. He is quite vehement and angry against church-goers, and the quote "continue their crusades of vengeance, intolerance and spite" is directed not specifically at you, but at a larger group of people. Perhaps there has been some outside pressure by others in this, and he sees them as religious in nature, and that the "church" is coming down on him? At any rate, he is holding a much larger group of religious people at fault, and religion in general at fault. If I had more information, I might venture that your wife has used religion as a wall between them and the furthering of their relationship....it might be my guess.

You are a Sunday Christian. Yet another shot at your faith in God, and your personal relationship with God. I wonder why he feels privileged to know so much about how you and God talk? When you next step into the booth with the priest He may be angry with the church for reasons other than YOU. There is far too much here in that regard. As I read this, I begin to see that he may be using this because he believes it to be your most weak point. It may be that your wife has disclosed something in this area to him, and he is attempting to use it to gain power over you. Another possibility is that he views church-goers as WEAK people, and given hs opening statement this would not surprise me in the least. , I hope you ask forgiveness for the sins you continue to commit against me in an effort to please yourself Here is where HE shows HIS weakness. You have done something that hurt him wildly. Exposure of his true colors hurt him. Again, not a surprise, as this man thrives on admiration, and you stripped him of his facade. Good move. . My great hope is that you don�t try to fool God the way you try to fool others. In the end, we all pay for who we really are. This sentence was actually directed at himself. Oddly enough, it is reflective. How do I know?

Look at the change in pronouns.

He did not keep the "you-you-you" refrain he had going, about what you needed to do, about "your" church-going habits, etc. Suddenly, it changes to "we". He now includes

himself. hmmmmmmmmm.......he doesn't even realize it.

cool, huh?


Third paragraph I�ve tried to let your foolishness pass, but you have once again directed it into my professional space. I tried to take this like a man, but you hurt me at work. I�m certain for a man like you, content to allow others to pay his way while bemoaning his poor luck and bad timing He is telling you that he is richer and better than you are , the concept of protecting a job in order to provide for loved ones is unimaginable and now he is telling you that he is not only richer and better, but that he has a better job, can keep his jobs, is smarter because he "gets" this concept and you don't, he can protect and defend, and he will be a much better provider financially and in every other way for your wife. . In my estimation which by now you know is the ONLY opinion that matters in the entire world , your inability to provide a serious, valuable he does value money, and will bring this up whenever he can career for yourself (coupled with your obvious emotional issues and reckless nature) he considers your exposing the affair as emotionally unstable and reckless - only because he does not understand it, he did not predict it, and because it was unpredictable seemed reckless are the source of your many troubles. He believes he is the better man overall. This shouldn't come as a surprise, as he thinks he is pretty much better than everyone else in the general sense. His tone of the letter is condescending at best, because he believes he is better than everyone else. This will come back to bite him, because he will hold this over your wife's head - he will constantly remind her that he "saved" her from a "low" place, and that she came from a low place, and that she is lower than he is. She will come to hate him for this attitude.

... I have had to work hard for the things I have, ensuring that I�ve had a job every day of my life since I was 17. He hates to work, and wishes that he didn't have to. This has led me to purchase multiple homes, drive luxury automobiles and provide my children with fine things. Again he is telling you that he has money. I do not yet see any reference to how this has resulted in any reference to great family relationships, or anything regarding PEOPLE in his life, do you? I will not let you jeopardize all that I have struggled for by continuing to bring your immaturity to my professional space. He's worried that his JOB will be affected. Note that he doesn't mention his family life so much being strained. He doesn't really care about that. After all, he might lose one of those luxury cars - that's what really counts.


Because the third paragraph is the focus of the message in this letter, he really is angry that you messed him up at work. He has taken a major hit with his coworkers, and now they all know what a creep he really is. He is pi$$ed off, because he used to be the moral, true, and clean guy who was admired. Now, he's that guy who had the affair and that guy that had the married woman's husband raising he// all over the place at work. He does not like his newfound image. And he is ALL ABOUT IMAGE. Hence, the luxury cars....and house......

So I need to be clear in telling you to leave me alone, and stop contacting my place of business, before you force me to explore my legal options against you. While your accusations might carry some moral weight with the other zealots who will listen I have been spoken to by people who believe it is wrong to have affairs, and it is beginning to really bug the crap out of me because I know they are right, and I do not want to hear it.. , they carry no legal basis affairs are not against the law so nobody can stop me, even though somewhere in me I know they are wrong, and these religious people are bugging me so you need to quit for you contacting my employer, my coworkers or harassing me via my professional e-mail address. and yet again please note that his family and friends are NOT mentioned here because he does not care - you hit him in the money, right where it matters to him

I�m certain you think you have nothing left to lose, but your continued cyberstalking, obsession and harassment carry legal ramifications. This is his second "legal" threat. It is out of pity for you and consideration for your family oh, finally, he thinks about the "family". Not. This is an attempt to get YOU to consider his family, but his thoughts about this are that he does not want to get a restraining order because his FAMILY has asked him to stop the affair. Chances are, some of the religious "zealots" he speaks of are in his own family, and if he went for a restraining order, he would have to explain that he is STILL in the affair, because he is probably lying to them. that I have not sought a restraining order earlier. Any further contact from you will force my hand.

As for my relationships, my friendships, my private time, my life in general, I am not obligated to discuss it with you, nor will I do that now. He senses that you already know a lot about his private life. It bothers him.

Normally, I would not think it appropriate to discuss your marriage. That you continue to drag me into these discussions is the only reason I am addressing it now. My attempt here is to show you how you look to the outside world. You call it persistence, but it is truly obsession. This is a "but" paragraph. "I usually wouldn't do this, but I'm going to anyway. I couldn't help myself, even though I know I should fade away, I have a big mouth and big ego and just have to say SOMETHING....I need the contact to continue."

You will notice that I have copied [Honey] on this communication, because its clear to me that you cannot be trusted and might even be unstable, and I want her to know the unvarnished truth of what I'm saying to you. With every communication, you seem more desperate. This shot at you being desperate was said with the specific purpose of cutting you down in front of your wife. Nothing more. This paragraph is to try to reduce any possible trust you might have been rebuilding with her.

When last I checked, slavery was abolished. Yet you speak of [Honey] as if your ownership rights are being infringed upon, and it is clear in every communication from you that I read that you are a hopeless, lonely wreck. That you think politely telling all of her friends and family, as well as random strangers, that she is a [censored] will in some way increase your standing with her is beyond laughable. I can�t imagine why she doesn�t want to be married to you any longer. She must be so proud.
I find it interesting that he takes a shot at Honey here. "She must be so proud" is a clear and very vindictive shot at her. If she is sitting on the fence, she should see clearly how mean he can be when he doesn't get his way - or when someone challenges him. He hits repeatedly, and she would be advised to think hard about a life with him.

Ultimately, you are like a batter who has been struck out looking, arguing the call with any umpire who will listen, begging for instant replay, hoping for more pitches. Inevitable strikes. You can�t hit the high heat, and you prove it over and over.
See what I mean?
Someday you will understand that it is not the actions of others that separate you and [Honey], but your own actions past and current. Blame if you like. Hate if you want. Harass if you choose. But the rest of the world realizes that she will cease to be your wife as soon as the clock strikes the hour on the waiting period set forth by the State of [x] You couldn�t stop that if you tried. What he doesn't understand is that Honey can stop it, and the court can. It ain't over til the fat lady sings.

You claim to love her, and yet you judge her to all who will listen. You air your private, intimate problems before friends and strangers. If she wanted you back, she would come back. To suggest that others are the roadblock to her return is to suggest that she is mentally incapable of making her own decisions, brainwashed and weak.

Why would she return to a man who feels that way about her? This is his own musing, because he doesn't understand the approach of MB. It is counter-intuitive, and he illustrates it here.

Stay away from me and my job, and cease all communication with me. I�ve taken the time to be honest with you here about my estimation of your situation, in an effort to reply to your continued harassment. I�ve done it as gently as possible given your recklessness. As gently as possible. He has no personal insight whatsoever. Either that, or no proofreader? Anyway, he is back to his true purpose of the letter, which is

money. His job.

Accept your pending divorce graciously and salvage some portion of your dignity, before you truly have nothing left. Again, he is re-establishing what he believes is his dominance over you.


I did not read your thread first, because it works better this way. I think awhile back I might have posted to you when you first arrived, but since then, I haven't read your story.

Your WW has obviously chosen to divorce. I don't know that she is seeing this man as a future husband, but if she has, it is sad to say she will not last under his thumb.

He is very controlling, very manipulative, and focused on the acquisition of things. She will rapidly realize that she is in a marriage alone, because the only person in a marriage with this man

will be HIM.

And everyone will be expected to meet HIS NEEDS. After all, what else is there???

Schoolbus

Thanks Schoolbus!!! You're the bestest!!!

As always SB, THE BEST. I for one was VERY interested and WAITING to read what you would think about this. Not just about getting into wayward's minds here, it's about PEOPLE. UNBELIEVABLE.

I heart SB. Seriously. She is fabulous. I hope she makes a million dollars a year.

Btw, does anyone else feel like they are getting better at analyzing after reading her analysis? I feel smarter. Hee hee.

SchoolBus is the best.

Now, here is a little "pepper" just for fun....

This is what he is really saying ....

You crack me up Pep.

Schoolbus- You are awesome. Wow.

MJ- You scored on that one. Talk about a direct hit. I do agree that you should probably let the exposure to his son pass for now. How old is the son anyway?

SchoolBus -- Thank you, thank you. You are most kind and generous. I appreciate your insight. Your analysis gives me hope, a quality in low supply in our family now. As I am the library now and have DD3 and DD1.5 in tow, I can't comment at length later,

SoL -- Thanks for reading my thread. I have been following yours and even mentioned your story to my sister as an example of the depths to which a WS can sink.

-----------------------------------------------


Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

SoL -- His son, by the way, is 16 or 17. The OM said in a FB post that his son was his favorite person in the world. But yeah, exposing to the son now might be counterproductive.


-----------------------------------------------


Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

Honey and the OM work together. Both are supervisors. Should I send the OM's letter to their boss?

I kind of exposed to the boss in October; I asked him if Honey worked late on Thursday nights or was seen with the OM. At the time, the boss said I needed to work on myself. That was disheartening. But there might be hope. The boss is an observant Catholic with eight kids.


------------------------

Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

SchoolBus -- After reading your post again, I am even more impressed by your analysis of the OM. It was more than insightful and clear. It was eerie. Let me explain more. For now, I have one question: What leads you to conclude that my WW (aka Honey) has "obviously chosen to divorce"? That's her frame of mind now as opposed to two or three months down the line, right?

Everything else was as clear as daylight. For example, I was struck by your conclusion that the OM cares about no one but himself. Back in January, his STBXW said the same thing to me about him. In fact, she wrote to me,


I also liked your conclusion that the OM hates his job. The first time I met the OM, at a party in my honor, he complained about you know what. "It sucks. I f***ing hate my job. It sucks," he said as I recall. Everything else was talking, drinking, and eating. He was bellyaching.

Finally, I enjoyed your many conclusions about the OM -- he transfers his vices on to me; he values nothing but money; and most of all, his big fear is to be hit in the pocketbook. Exactly, exactly, exactly.


P.S. An explanation about the OM's comments of my religiosity are in order. As a Catholic, I go to confession regularly, though not as often now having practiced the MB program (!). Honey surely told him about this. And just as surely, he thinks going to confession is a sign of personal weakness. (How wrong he is!)

P.P.S. At Mass today, I heard the priest remind us that we should love our enemies as ourselves. In that spirit, I will say one thing about the OM: He is the product of a broken home. According to Honey, the OM's father was a notorious womanizer. His dad's philandering does not excuse his behavior. But it helps explain it.
------------------------

Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10

Scotland -- I hear you about Plan A. A good Plan A makes for a better Plan B.

Tom 2010 -- I agree. Getting a job in this economy is difficult. Honey will be reassured. However, she would like the option of staying home with our two young kids. Or that's what she says.

Hope 3343, Not2Fun, and Princess Meggy -- I may have left the wrong impression. I did not expose the OM at work, though I kind of did to his boss and Honey's boss last fall. I sent the OM a message to his email address at work. But yeah, sending him the email at work spooked him. His reaction showed his vulnerability.

------------------------

Me: BH, 39 (with job offer pending)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
Her move out: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10