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 Grats on you!! Just remember not to pressure her with the letter, don't even bring it up!  Doing great! Keep up the work!
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Sapphire writes, Grats on you!!
Just remember not to pressure her with the letter, don't even bring it up!
Doing great! Keep up the work! Thanks, Sapphire. I appreciate the support and good cheer. I need it. I don't feel good emotionally. I'm getting indignant and feel very amorous. This is tough. I keep busy. I run 20 miles a week; I go over to friends for dinner; and I call friends and family members. Yet I'm mad. On Friday night, while picking up our girls from daycare, I saw my wife's car outside her apartment. She could have been with us. Instead, she was with God knows what or who. Also, I'm imagining more scenarios in which I'm dating specific women rather than Honey, although I imagine those scenarios too. I might be feeling entitled and self pitying. Sorry. As Mark1952 and others have written, life ain't fair. And I have many blessings in my life, especially most of the commenters on MB. ------------------------------------- Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless) Her: WW, 33 2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5) Her EA: Fall '08 She moves out of our home: Fall '09 D-day: 01/22/10 D-day #2: 06/28/10 Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
Last edited by MichaelJan; 08/30/10 06:08 PM.
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A quick Plan B update: I ate dinner last night with a couple who seemed like good candidates to serve as IM's. They read HN/HN in their marriage prep. They're religous and value marriage. And they like my daughters. But they declined my offer to serve as IM's, except in case of emergency. They don't know Honey, they said. Why don't you try other friends who do, they added. So I will keep trying.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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One last update: Honey told me last night that she took our girls to a carousel that day. Which happens to be 4 miles or a 9-minute drive from the OM's condo. Time to remind Honey that I don't want our kids even close that man or to play it cool?
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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If Schoolbus is reading this, I am interested in knowing what she thinks I should do next to chip away at Honey's resolve.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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Posts: 1,879
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might have to start a new thread saying something like...
"Schoolbus: need advise please." to get her attention.
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/31/10 10:28 AM.
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Sapphire,
Thanks for the tip.
Of course, you're advice is good too. And I'm taking it; I won't remind Honey about my request on Saturday until she brings it up.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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Posts: 318
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------------------------------------
Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
Last edited by MichaelJan; 08/31/10 05:48 PM.
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The only new development for me is that Honey takes our girls to the beach with my IL's this weekend. I exposed to them already, except for one sister, who likes me. They don't believe that Honey is adulterous or if they asked her questions, they're not intervening on the behalf of our marriage. Would contacting them help? Perhaps I could say that I got a (good) job.
... I don't know. I'm feeling close to powerless to affect Honey's A.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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Bump...I think you need some good advise from the vets.
It sounds like your wife is still hiding the affair, have you showed them your proof of this affair??
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Sapphire -- Thanks for your support. The last two days are the worst I've felt all year. Your posts have kept my spirits up.
I have not shown them proof of the affair. The best proof I have is the readout from the GPS tracker showing our/her car at the OM's house. Showing my IL's that evidence probably wont' help my cause; will only make me seem like a prying creep. The other proof I have isn't really proof: a print out she kept in our/her car from him on her b-day two years ago to a steak joint.
Any advice from the vets is welcome.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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Posts: 318
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Commenters are ignoring my thread, so I'll take the hint: It's time to tell Honey that I'm leading and that I hope she follows; take action and entertain the risks; think that if Honey isn't willing to step up, I will find plenty of beautiful, virtuous women. Maybe not Kurt Russell in Tombstone but Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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Ya sorry, maybe some just don't know what to say because there has been no change, I don't know.
Have you thought about going in to plan B?
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If you haven't showed them proof then of course they wont believe you because your wife is telling them all lies.
I would do another exposure this time letting them know that you have proof, and start thinking about going to a plan B.
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The best way for people to see your thread is if you keep posting, ask questions, and detail what is exactly happening. It will be bumped to the top of the stack. I am very concerned for you, and I don't want to see you give up, and feel so low right now.
Let us know how you are feeling, what you are doingm and what your WW is doing.
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Sapphire writes, Ya sorry, maybe some just don't know what to say because there has been no change, I don't know. Thanks for writing and the support. Honey is fence sitting. She warms up, then cools down. Am I dreaming or something? Did you do this to wheels spinning? This is driving me crazy. For about two or three hours yesterday, I was depressed. I felt worthless; I wanted to maim and kill the OM; I wanted to humiliate Honey with evidence of her A; I thought divorce would be a relief, the first time I have felt this way. Then I realized I need to show strength and confidence to Honey. No more messing around; I won't avoid conflict, I'll look for it. Not to be agressive; just assertive. A man in other words. If this new strength-and-confidence tack fails, I will go to Plan B. I will not tolerate another afternoon like yesterday. It's not worth it. If you haven't showed them proof then of course they wont believe you because your wife is telling them all lies. I've exposed three times already. If I expose again, Honey will file. Trickling it out again will have dubious effects. At least now she's sitting on the fence. Wheels writes, The best way for people to see your thread is if you keep posting, ask questions, and detail what is exactly happening. It will be bumped to the top of the stack. I am very concerned for you, and I don't want to see you give up, and feel so low right now. Let us know how you are feeling, what you are doingm and what your WW is doing. I detailed part of my feelings above. I'm also feeling very amorous; like I need to get to know a woman and shower her with affection and love. Most of the time I feel this way toward sweetie. Once in a while, I direct it to a specific woman or two, though the fantasy is never sexual. I am interested to hear commenter's thoughts on this, especially from BH's. I have never read a BH say this: He's getting horny! ------------------------------------------------ Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless; just broke) Her: WW, 33 2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5) Her EA: Fall '08 She moves out of our home: Fall '09 D-day: 01/22/10 D-day #2: 06/28/10 Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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News update: Honey did take our girls to the carousel on Sunday with the OM. DD3 confirmed it. I suspected that she did, and the truth came out. After learning about this from DD3, I called Honey. My goal was to be assertive and forceful but not aggressive and overbearing. I don't think that I committed LB's, but you decide for yourself. Here is our exchange: Me: DD3 says that another man met you and DD1.5 at the carousel on Sunday. This was [OM's name], right? He lives 4 miles from the park and you would have needed another person to help you with both girls on the carousel.
Her, speaking in a weary and resigned tone: I'm sick and tired of talking with you about this.
Me: I don't want that man around our girls, Honey. I don't want him anywhere near them, much less around you.
Her: I understand. He won't be around our girls.
Me: Good; he's a coward, a cheater, and a freeloader. You tell him I called him a coward. He called me a coward [back in January, after I exposed for the first time]. You tell him I'm ready for him. He might be strong and more experienced as a fighter, but he's got no energy and I'm ready to take him on.
Her, speaking in the same weary, resigned tone: I'm sick and tired of speaking with you about this.
Me: Anything else you want to talk about?
Her: No. I hung up. I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Honey violated what I told her in July: the OM was not to be around our girls. She was brazen. On the other hand, she was submissive to me for the first time in months. ------------------------------------------------ Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless; just broke) Her: WW, 33 2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5) Her EA: Fall '08 She moves out of our home: Fall '09 D-day: 01/22/10 D-day #2: 06/28/10 Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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I hung up. I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Honey violated what I told her in July: the OM was not to be around our girls. She was brazen. On the other hand, she was submissive to me for the first time in months. Where you see "submissive", I'm seeing "dismissive". From what she said, it seemed to me that she was prepared to tell you what you wanted to hear, simply to end the conversation. I did not get the impression that she placed any importance on your request that the OM be kept away from your girls, and your tirade about the OM likely fell on deaf ears. So, she's saying one thing and doing something else. But that's what WWs do, and you should know that by now. So, what are YOU going to do?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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ManinMotion wrote, From what she said, it seemed to me that she was prepared to tell you what you wanted to hear, simply to end the conversation. I did not get the impression that she placed any importance on your request that the OM be kept away from your girls, and your tirade about the OM likely fell on deaf ears.
So, she's saying one thing and doing something else. But that's what WWs do, and you should know that by now.
So, what are YOU going to do? I've got ideas. I could call him up and tell him not to mess with my girls. I could file a restraining order against him. What do you propose doing?
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My IL's arrive tomorrow from the Midwest. They're going with Honey to the beach for a week. That's one wild card in my dealings with Honey and the OM. That gives me leverage of a kind ... or not.
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Me: BH, 39 (and no longer jobless; just broke)
Her: WW, 33
2 young kids (DD3 and DD1.5)
Her EA: Fall '08
She moves out of our home: Fall '09
D-day: 01/22/10
D-day #2: 06/28/10
Exposed to 12 of my WW's and the OM's friends and family members plus all of my immediate family members and some extended family
In plan A at Dr. Bill Harley's advice since May '10
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