I gotta agree .... it looks like you must "do something" before you can exercise self control.


This will only work if you stick to this script and this script ONLY.

H will say "Where do you think I was?"
You say "I know all about last night."

You do NOT answer any of his gas-lighting questions.

H: "You're all worked up over nothing"
You: "I know all about last night".

H: "Are you spying on me?"
You: "I know all about last night.

H: "Who have you talked to?"
You: "I know all about last night".

I don't have a high degree of confidence that you can stick to this script ONLY .... and thus, I worry.

Do NOT message OW. That will get you nowhere.

If there is any way you can control yourself and keep gathering evidence that is your best plan of action. If there is absolutely no way you can do that then take Mel's advice and say EXACTLY what she has told you to say to him.

It's not an "if".

He WILL lie.

Which is EXACTLY why we think you SHOULD wait ... install a GPS and REMAIN calm and cool.

MelodyHellLane/Pepperband/Mindshare agree.
Can't get better than that !

MelodyHellLane/Pepperband/Mindshare/LadyClueless agree.
Can't get better than that !

I've got to agree with you, Pep, I don't think I can stick to that script! I will try unless of course something else comes up along the way. (I mean more evidence.) What do I do when he texts me today? We text each other all day long! I still am in shock. We've been working so hard, I am a wreck.

You text asking him to bring home soup because you are having
female problems
that time of the month
do not feel well

Tell him you might need to stay in bed .... you just "feel terrible".

Did you call your best girlfriend yet?

If you confront now he is going to explain it all away.

He has already set up the class thing by saying it was just a movie they had to watch. He will say there was no class scheduled. Just a movie.

You already said that you don't know where she lives now. It's a store close to where she used to live.

You need to get control of yourself and get a GPS on his car.

MelodyHellLane/Pepperband/Mindshare/LadyClueless/Chrisner agree.
Can't get any better than that !

You really need to control yourself and not do anything, sunshine. THAT IS YOUR BEST STRATEGY. You will be hurting yourself worse if you just go at him. It is much better to quietly put a GPS on his car and THEN decide what to do.

I will buy a GPS. I am gonna look online right now. I will go buy one this weekend, very difficult since we do EVERYTHING together! This is nuts! I can't believe it!

You can do this sunshine.

Breathe. Relax. Focus on your plan.

I think you should tell him you aren't feeling well as Pep suggested so he is less likely to suspect anything.

sunshine, listen to these vets.

Do not be reactive; he will lie and lie and lie.

One question? On the hybrid class schedule do they list all meet in person dates?

When I did a class online we had that schedule and then the professor picked "live dates" to meet that never showed on the schedule.

This is why you need solid evidence. If this was a jury this case would be thrown out on "circumstantial evidence".

GPS...

You did a "call out" for vets.
Vets responded.

And you better not ignore us !

You can get a GPS at target for under $100 I believe. That was the one my sister got and it worked well. You set it up with the account online (very simple), stick it in the car and then you can track via computer.

Sunshine, I've been in your shoes--my FWH and I had a "false recovery" or "DDay #2" as some call it, about a year after DDay #1. I was absolutely horrified. But, like you, I had to hold it in for a couple more days
EVEN THOUGH I KNEW THE TWO OF THEM WERE GOING TO A NICE HOTEL TOGETHER DURING HIS NEXT WORK TRIP.
Can you imagine? I smiled and acted supportive and actually waited until he was four hours out of town before I canceled every one of his credit cards and called the POSOW on the secret cell phone.
Trust me, it had A LOT more impact than if I had hit him with my first day's worth of evidence. You almost have to catch them red-handed (poor choice of words, probably) to get the desired result.
Again, I'm so sorry for you--but I agree with all the experts--try to say nothing, but if you must say something, be very vague and non-specific so he can't create lies to answer each of your suspicions.

Oh my goodness! I have calmed somewhat, still cannot believe this. I keep thinking there has got to be a logical explanation. I want him to give me one, and I SO want to believe it! Just got the first text from him since all of this went down earlier. It says: "Sexy, i love u so much. Be seeing u soon. xxoo" This is a small example of about 30 texts we send to each other all day every day! This is breaking my heart!

Does a GPS charge a monthly fee? I've got to figure out how to do this!

Hope3343 I checked my WH's class schedule online the class meets 8/12, 8/26! I even checked his school e-mail to make sure nothing was squeezed in there for yesterday, nope, it didn't turn up a thing. I'm thinking of e-mailing his teacher and just saying " did we have class last night?" I don't know, I just want to make sure.