Yes - the people that know about her EA/PA and have rejected her - know about my affairs - she was very open with everybody about everything I did.

While they are disappointed in me, they have seen the change - and tell her that she should leave before having an affair.

Her daughter from a previous marriage and our sons are the first that I will expose to. They know all about my stuff. Our parents dont know about mine - so, I don't know about bringing them into it unless necessary.

OM looks like he is a pro at getting married and divorced. I can only assume that 5 times divorce is also at least 5 times a cheater. With all his experience do you really believe that he told his family the truth - He is seeing a married woman? I think he is really skilled at lying and told them she is single, or seperated. Maybe the family just turn blind eyes to his scummy antics.

I say let the OM family know, and they can do what they want with that information, whether they support the OM or not. The wider the area the better.

OM is really a scummy guy - but that is beside the point. He has convinced her that unlike me, he will NEVER cheat on her.

The sister thinks that this is a grand love story since they were high school sweethearts - it's really a sick environment. His sister knows that she is married, but they think she is on her way out...(and she may be...)

Bump.....

What is your plan right now?

This is very OM of him to give promises that he never intends to make or keep. it is part of the OM script. Also part of the OM script is to try and convince everyone that the marriage is "unhappy" and "they are going to divorce" or "are seperated".

Apparently marriage is not a sacred commitment in OMs family.

It is so hard to see the lies and your WW cant see anything because of the fog she is in. they will both lie to keep on cheating because it is an addiction.

Your wife may threaten with divorce, but you do not have to file divorce, and you do not have to sign anything she hands you.

Find out what plan you would like to do and follow it. I would suggest Plan A.

I have been following a pretty good carrot approach to Plan A - but not the stick - I think that exposure is the next step. Expose to our children, and perhaps her mother.

perhaps to a couple of close friends that don't know. The friends that know have abandonded her because of her refusal to give him up.

With her, exposure may cause her to leave, but she is on her way out without it anyway.

So, what is there to lose?

Nothing.

I am out of town Thurs - Sun - and don't plan to do anything before then - keylogger is in place to catch any talks or plans that happen through computer.

TN --

There is something that is just not sitting right with me.

How long EXACTLY has it been since your last infidelity?

From this:

I assume that it was 2 years ago. What do you mean by "not perfect"? In this context, it sounds to me like you continued wayward behaviors. Can you explain further?

I think what is not sitting right is your exposure plan. For some reason you are skipping those who dont' know about YOUR infidelity -- which seems rather self-serving to me. Like you are still trying to protect yourself.


I think its a pretty tricky situation to navigate with your history. Part of me wants to ask why don't you just let it run its course. Affairs can't bother you that much -- you have almost a 20 year history of them...

It sounds like she started hers around 18 months after you ended your behavior. Is that right?
Tell us more about that time frame. What was the state of your marriage during those 18 months.
Was she upset with you? Did she trust you? Did she feel like she had the whole truth? Or was it trickle truth during that time frame?

Sure - my last infidelity was July 17, 2008. Over two years ago. By not perect, I am just saying that I am not trying to paint myself as a saint. I know that 2 years clean does not make up for what I have done.

I have been open, honest, shared passwords, changed phone numbers, limited travel, been in constant contact with her.

She still hurts from the damage I did - I understand that. I understand what you are saying about the exposure plan, and skipping those who don't know about mine. I think you are right - I can face my mother and her mother with what I did. I hate what I did and have no problem takng responsibility for it.



During the past 18 months, even though she is still hurging and faces triggers, we both agree that we have communicated better and had a stronger relationship than any other time in our marraige. I did trickle truth from July until December, 2008.

She has the whole truth, and most of the time she believes it.Without some kind of intervention, she will continue to live here, not be committed to our marriage or to me, and continue to communcate with OM.

She refuses counseling, or any other help.

Is that a marriage I want to live in? A marriage where one person looks right into the eyes of the other and lies, is not a strong marriage.

How can you believe that when your WW is involved with OM? I venture to say your WW has been emotionally disconnecting from you for the past 18 mos with half a foot out the door. When you expose (fully expose) you should add yourself to the exposure. Maybe you both can start fresh in really trying to recover a M. Your M is lacking honesty and without that you really don't have a M.

Gg

As an update - while this was going on with my wife - I developed an emotional affar with a "friend" of hers that was ongoing from July 8 until August 29th.

During this time, there were over a thousand texts with her, and many hours of phone call.

This has been disclosed to my wife, and my calling her out was hypocritical and extremely hurtful to my wife.

Why did you lie to people here, and take up the time they gave in good faith, while you were having an affair yourself?

Why did you come here and seek advice about your wife's infidelity when you were being unfaithful?

So whats the deal?

You found out your wife was cheating so you thought it was ok to cheat yourself??

Just to let you know...you just made any progress on getting your wife back MUCH MUCH MORE WORSE!!!

THANK YOU! have a great life!