Just read over this thread---I had sort of forgotten about it until CWMI quoted something off of it.

I am married! I know--shockingly fast to most of you. Things are going very very well. We are very similar in personality and lifestyle. He has two boys-one older and one younger than my son...so we have 9, 10 and 14. They live with their mother but dh very much wants them to be with us so we shall see if that is possible.

We went over the compatibility article on this site which was very informative. We are VERY well matched. It isn't just our infatuated perception---everyone who knows us well agrees. I also got out my top ten list....had been looking over it before I met him....and he meets every single one of my wants/needs.

While we were dating we discussed everything we could think of. We discussed what might be the big 'thing' for us--our relationship. We both agreed---if anything---it will probably be our children. So we are watching carefully to keep that issue in check.

His younger sister told our friend, 'the worst thing I can say about my brother is that he tells really long stories with way too many details.' Friend goes, 'that is it? That is the worst thing you can say about him?' Sister says, 'you don't understand---they are REALLY long stories.' The funny part about that is I am known for the same thing in my family....

Someone on this thread had mentioned personality disorders and the red flgs that moving too fast raise. So I thought really long and hard about that---because I've read up A LOT on pds...and (obviously) concluded he is not suffering from anything like that. He didn't move quickly with his first wife. He dated her for 2 years. And by the time people are in their mid 40s they know what they want and know how to recognize insincerity in others....and so why wait? Someone (on this thread) mentioned that she had dated her XH for 3 years before marrying him and THEN discovered he was not what she thought.

So we decided to trust our judgment. We both stressed to each other the O&H factor....we discussed in detail the things we've done which we regret---including things in our previous marriages. We have an EXACT plan of living and expectations of each other. And there is no way to express to others how much we talked and discussed all those issues.

Anyway, wanted to share my happy news.

All the best to you SW! Okay so you didn't go by the guidelines. I doubt if you need that pointed out, lol.

I'm sorry if you've told us more about your DH and I missed it, but is he an avid follower of the MB program specifically (does he know the lingo and the philosophy, etc.)? It sounds like your relationship is "faith based" in that you are both religious/same views, no? So that is a wonderful thing to share.

You have a strong foundation and knowledge of what relationships are about, based on past experience and your work here, between receiving advice and offering it (which is has a way of solidifying your understanding).

Well, good luck, :)ing Woman! He is a lucky man, as I'm sure you feel very fortunate as well!

Opt

SW,
Congratulations! I'm sure you'll find nothing but well wishes from everyone here!

Guidelines are just that...guidelines. There will always be exceptions and it sounds like your relationship is testimony to that!

You know your own judgment, and if you are good at sizing up people, that is great. Me...I have been fooled, too many times, it's a little harder for me to trust...not only men, but my own judgment...I've just been through too much to want to go through it again. But that doesn't mean your situation will at all resemble my experience.

I, for one, sincerely wish you both a long and happy life together. And good luck on the custody!

Thanks Opt. He isn't a MB 'follower', but I don't know that you would say I am either. I think the principles are sound and they do not conflict with the principles of a good marriage as outlined by our faith....so that is nice.

I have discussed many things with him about relationships and the MB program. He was very impressed with the MBer advice to be honest with my son about the reason for the divorce. He followed the 'normal' standard out there that says to not say anything bad about the boy's mom. He said it makes total sense that my son needs to know the truth...because he will learn it someday so why not hear it from his mother while he is going through it.

It is such an easy relationship...so comfortable. We are happy. And I thank you for your well wishes.

Thanks! Not sure EVERYONE will wish me well. But that is ok.

I DO wish you well, SW.

It just seemed so recent that you were wrapped up in XH, then you were in love with one guy, then you were in love with another...just be smart. I know you are smart in your head. Not so sure 'bout that heart of yours.

I do, however, wish you well.

Hey SW, call me curious, how's your son doing these days? How's he handling adapting to his new family dynamic? Hopefully really well; I know you were having some problems over the summer though if I remember correctly.

Travis

Thanks CWMI. Thanks for saying that. It was recent that I was 'wrapped up in' my XH....and I still can get on a tangent about him and his antics...just talked to my mom and brother (seperately) today and related my latest interaction with him....they have a long history with him too, so they totally 'get it'.....and I don't know how long it will be before I am not affected by him at all. My brother, who I am discovering knew MUCH much more about my XH than he really ever told me....believes him to be dangerous. He thinks he is a sociopath, pyschopath, whatever. No conscience and a total amoral freak.

XH is the father of my child and so I will always be connected to him in that way. However, I have known, rock hard in my heart of hearts for almost 2 years now that I would NEVER take him back. So all my efforts, in the last 18-24 months, have been aimed at emotional escape from him.

I wasn't smart for a period of time after my divorce. I was single for the first time in 26 years and was having to re learn boundaries...I fell down hard on my face by being involved with that one man. It was very out of character for me and I paid a big price for it. However, I took very concrete serious steps to break it off with him and return to living my life the way I wanted to live it. So I wasn't floating with the wind...even though I didn't share details of my personal struggles here, I was working very hard on myself and my spirituality. Several months passed and I WAS doing ok, not having someone in my life.

In fact, about 2 days after I started this thread is the day I was so angry driving in my car praying to God very hard to please help me not be angry, to not care, to not murder anyone. I prayed this way for 15 minutes or so, just begging for help, for peace in my heart...and at the very end of my prayer I said one sentence, 'and if it takes a (of my faith) man to help me do that than please, send him to me.' Within 30 minutes I was reading the email from our mutual friend telling me he wanted to meet me.

So although I can see from the limited amount I've shared here that it looks like I'm all over the map.....I'm really not. I still hate dealing with my XH....I think he is a terrible person and a terrible father....but I'm happy with my dh now. He is everything I've ever wanted.

Thanks for asking! I tried to read over my old threads and see what trouble you might have been referring to this summer....can't specifically remember...but I think he has adjusted pretty well, so far.

Dh and I on very much on the same page about our boys. We are taking a low key approach to interaction between step-parent-stepchild. Especially with ds and dh since the 3 of us live together full time.

Ds has had a little jealousy problem....doesn't like the affection he sees between us, and says things to me like, 'I don't want to share you.' Along with tears. So I've had long talks, alone, with ds about that....how no one person 'has' another person completely. We are multi-dimensional people and will have multiple people in our lives at any given time. When he comes back from his dad I sense a little anger/hostility and just general sourness out of ds....He is having to deal with things he never thought he would have to.

He has been an only child his entire life and now OW and her ds6 are usually at his dad's when he goes there....and my dh's 2 boys (9 and 14) are here for visitation every other weekend. He has also had me to himself for his entire life because XH was so uninvolved in our life. So I do feel for him, OTOH, most of ds's life is unaffected...he still is homeschooled, alone with me the entire day...

We are just staying aware and doing what we can to make things easier on all the kids.

So how is XWH feels about the great news of you getting married?? Betcha he ain't happy lol he probably thought you would wait for him ROFL!!

He was waiting for me....to take him back! Gag. Never.

He is all kind of torn up. He has told my friend he knew he messed up but he thought we could 'get past it.'

We had a big fight on the phone the other day....he asked to reschedule Wed visitation....trouble is he was going to be out of town all week and come Friday it is his weekend with ds anyway....so there wasn't much I could do. Told him I couldn't put an extra day in the week for him. He got all kind of torn up because I kept quizzing him on where he was going. He infered that if it was a trip I approved of I would be more agreeable to letting him reschedule. He was wrong about that (mostly)...I was just curious. Dh walked in from the garage when XH was screaming at me....so I put it on speaker for dh to hear.....

He was screaming at me that I was using ds as a weapon and he was going to be forced to take me back to court. (over a 3 hour visitation he wanted to reschedule). I said, 'I'm not doing anything, this is just the consequences of you blowing up your family.'

Then he did what he always does when he feels enraged and out of control....screaming about an incident 8 years ago when I was almost raped in my own bed by a young man HE brought to our home....his version of the story is that I was somehow responsible for it.

Anyway, he told ds it was a trip for work. I highly highly doubt that. But whatever. Ds will have to figure out his dad is a liar all on his own.

Oh and he accused me of sticking a knife in the tree in his front yard and leaving it there...he showed me the pic. It did look creepy. I laughed and told him it was a warning, 'we don't want your kind around here.' And 'forking' his yard on halloweeen. Ha! Like I am going to drive 10 miles for those kind of pranks. He just can't believe anyone else would not like him.

He and his OW continue to keep me scratching my head. They seem like a couple but then not. OW's BxH says she flirts with him constantly....talking about old times. Oh and ds tells me the last few times he was there OW was not because she was in church. Shrug.

My life with dh is great though. Loving being in a normal relationship even with the baggage we both bring to the table. He is so kind and so good and so controlled. Love him.