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Joined: Aug 2010
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Have you read the carrot/stick thread?
Can you comment? Ive read it, and I've done some of the stick with the glaring exception of demanding all contact end, because I know I would then be hearing nothing from her for weeks, months. And I would miss my child. much of the carrot is difficult when she won't work on the marriage. I can better myself, and be the kind of man she wants, but again I am 500 miles away and seeing them infrequently. its difficult to act out of a position of strength when that act will cause the end of the marraige. I believe she's ready to walk.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Have you read the carrot/stick thread?
Can you comment? Ive read it, and I've done some of the stick with the glaring exception of demanding all contact end, because I know I would then be hearing nothing from her for weeks, months. And I would miss my child. much of the carrot is difficult when she won't work on the marriage. I can better myself, and be the kind of man she wants, but again I am 500 miles away and seeing them infrequently. its difficult to act out of a position of strength when that act will cause the end of the marraige. I believe she's ready to walk. Get an attorney. Your wife should not be allowed to move your DD 500 miles away without a fight.
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 11
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 11 |
not gonna happen. she moved 500 miles away to be near family. I'm the remote one now and while welcome in her home, not allowed to move in. Sell your house and move CLOSER to YOUR FAMILY! Get a job, find a place up where she is, and start dating your wife! You can not do a plan A if she is NO WHERE near you. If you can't do that, then I suggest you file for divorce. I'm working on that. She moved out only a few of weeks ago, and job changes take time. I'm the health insurance provider for my son so I can't just pack up and leave. The house is on the market. we've agreed to date, after we rekindle the friendship. But that takes time I dont think I have.
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 11
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Get an attorney.
Your wife should not be allowed to move your DD 500 miles away without a fight. I can see that feeling, but she moved to where her family is, and its also where mine is. I am perfectly happy moving there myself.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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PS ... you do a LOT of whining and make a LOT of excuses.
Go to more AA meetings. You need a sponsor.
I am married 29 years to a man with 14.5 years sobriety.
He goes to AA meetings daily.
And, I would not trade him in for anyone.
AA was my #2 condition for remaining married.
#1 was ... he end his adultery and never see OW again.
But, without AA .... I would have left.
He was a whiner and played the "poor me" tape over and over.
Lose that tape.
It is NOT attractive to YOUR WIFE !!!!!!!!!
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
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This is what I think you should do... 1.) Rent out your house till it sells 2.) Quit your job (or try to get a transfer) I'm saying DO THIS THIS WEEK or NO LATER by next week, the longer you are gone, the longer it is to get your wife back. 3.) Find a small apt to rent close to your wife's place 4.) Attend AA 5.) Plan A her for 2 months If she still is in limbo land and doesn't know what she wants then.. 6.) GO to plan B  Read up on plan A and do it!
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Joined: Aug 2010
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I agree with all of this.. i am trying to move as fast as I can in a way that doesn't risk the well being of my child. Until then I will still see her/him every 5 to 7 days for 2-3 days at a time. Its not perfect but I made the decision not to move in an irresponsible way.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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its difficult to act out of a position of strength when that act will cause the end of the marraige. I believe she's ready to walk. You really have nothing to lose then. There is no marriage if she keeps up this relationship. a couple of points.. I consider the affair exposed. her family knows, her friends know, the pastor knows. I guess since it's by phone and not in person (he lives a long way away) they aren't pressuring her, or she isnt listening. Who exposed, you or her? What were these people told? Do your kids know?
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Joined: Aug 2010
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Who exposed, you or her? What were these people told? Do your kids know? I busted her, told everyone she was having an innapropriate adulterous long distance relationship. Our kid is under 10, dont want to bring him into it.
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Our kid is under 10, dont want to bring him into it. Has the 10-year old met OM? Even casually?
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Joined: Aug 2010
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To the best of my knowledge, no.
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But her again. Let everyone know that your marriage is ending because she wont let go of this inappropriate relationship. Let them know you are willing to change and become a better husband. Ask them to use their influence to help you. I busted her, told everyone she was having an innapropriate adulterous long distance relationship. Our kid is under 10, dont want to bring him into it. He's already in it. He's been uprooted and doesn't even know why. As part of this family - this ABSOLUTELY applies to him. He needs to know what is going on his life.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Joined: May 2010
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Your son needs to know why mommy and daddy are separated...tell him.
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