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okay,we finally had a real discussion today. I told her that I believe we can be unbreakable but the A has to stop now, full and complete NC. I told her I demand it and she owes it to me, the M, the kids and even to herself. She acknowledged that I was justified to demand this, but no commitment yet. I'm not going to futz around on this - I either get a commitment or exposure begins. fight, you need to expose anyway. Exposure is the most likely thing to kill this affair and save your marriage. The affairs that are exposed are the most likely to end because mold does not grow well in sunlight.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Look, everyone seems to agree that the NC demand is seldom met at first. She gets the benefit of giving me an answer before I go postal. fight, you should expose REGARDLESS of what she does. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. .It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody is right. Expose immediately.
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Fight it doesn't matter if you think waiting on the exposure is a good idea and "SEE" if she is willing to work on the marriage, you have to realize that no matter what in order to save this marriage exposure is ALWAYS the first step.
My husband didn't expose my first EA, 2 months later, I was cheating again. Exposure will give you that protection that it will never happen again.
Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/30/10 03:36 PM.
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. My husband didn't expose my first EA, 2 months later, I was cheating again. Exposure will give you that protection that it will never happen again. It doesn't matter if she say's "ok I'll work on the marriage" and have NO MORE contact with this OM. OR If she stay's in contact..... NO MATTER WHAT happens....you will still have to expose her affair.
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okay...deep breath...this is gonna leave a mark...
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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okay...deep breath...this is gonna leave a mark... ..............ON THE AFFAIR...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The NC demand and exposure are kinda serving two different purposes. They work together, they don't replace each other.
The demand for NC is drawing a boundary and setting the stage for your plan of action...but not really expected to end the A. (and even if the WS agrees with the demand, it isn't anything to hang your hat on)
Exposure is what really strikes a blow the affair and begins the de-fogging process.
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