Will be difficult with joint custody of children....we are supposed to coach my BD's soccer team together. Have read plan B i guess I need to review it some more.

I would ask them to replace the two of you. its not that hard to replace kids soccer team coaches. There are ways to ensure you go dark. If the divorce papers are signed, then you are getting a divorce. There is a reason there is a 90 day wait period. If you don't want a divorce you can go in there and stop it.

I just emailed her asking for her not to be my assitant soccer coach. I have decided that after I move, hopefully this weekend...if not then by tuesday, that all communication with her will be through email, texts, or lawyers. Should I write a plan B letter? Have only been in plan A for less than 3 months....though I made mistakes due to the situation and her unwillingness to communicate about the situation. Besides that I did everything right.

BZZZZ...WRONG!!

NO emails
No texting!!

ONLY with an IM, find someone who can help you to filter the communication with her.

My reluctance to cut off all lines of communication are my children and how it may affect them. Then again I am thinking this is my last hope.

You can contact your children as much as you want...it's your WW that you don't want to contact!!

You can still call your kids to talk to them, you don't need your wife to do that.

I suggest you find someone who can be your IM, and stop communicating with your wife. How old are your kids?

You�re getting a D. The ball is rolling. Is she in the middle of an affair?

One of the most difficult things to accept after a D is that the other person is out of your life in almost every way. The kids become an excuse for the two people to engage in contact regularly.

You may someday be able to coach a soccer team with your ex, but that�s way down the road. It will probably be years down the road.

It�s over. It sucks, but it�s over. The guideline I got about talking to my ex was that there was to be NO contact unless someone was about to die and there was blood on the floor. I had to understand that she was going to do things the way she wanted to and she had to accept the same on my end.

We communicate regularly now, with few emotions involved and we meet up for school events. There is otherwise no contact unless it involves medical issues or other type of logistical appointments.

You need to cut off the contact for you. It isn�t for her to come to her senses and want you back. It�s to allow you to heal and move on.

If you have a way to stop the D process, then do so, otherwise, you�re hanging on to the walls in the Titanic. The ship is sinking and it�s time for you to find a life boat.

I�m not saying that there couldn�t be hope someday. People remarry all the time. But your current situation is one where you need to accept that it�s over and to make the shift in your head that it�s time to move on. You�re still in a state of denial.

You can�t believe she�s doing this and you can�t understand it. Again, I get it.

But you need to go to Plan B. Not for her or to get her back, but for yourself so you can heal.

My DD is 5 and my DS is 10. The divorce process has not started yet and I do believe she is NOT having an affair. This last time was an emotional affair that I believe was on its way to the next step. It was stopped before it got that far. She has periodicaly attempted to make contact with no avail. You are right about moving on to plan B for myself.
Would I still like to save my marriage? YES I am a firm believer in doing what is best for the kids(which is 2 loving parents together) and this site has given me hope that it can be saved. Do I believe it will be saved? NO Though I will fight till the ink is dry. I believe there is still a part of her that don't want this to happen....her problem is she is unable to face her mistakes....she would rather deny she ever made them....she still won't take any responsibility in our failed marriage. I have no problem owning up to my mistakes.
I am gonna attempt plan B for myself first and formost...though it is not what is best for the children.

Then you can go to plan B if your kids know how to answer the phone your set.

Just remember DON'T contact her for any reason! If it's something about the kids then talk to your IM. Have you seen the thread about plan B and a sample of a plan B letter?

Yes I have. So you think a letter is the best way to go. Staying under same roof till tuesday. Leave the letter on the way out? Do you think I gave plan A long enough?

Sapphire

Did your DH use a plan B? My wifes affairs were emotional.
This last was ready to go to next level before I caught her. OM's wife passed away 3 months earlier and my WW got involved because she taught his son. We never fixed the issues when she had her first EA, we just hoped they would fix themselves.

Yes since I had left on my own he sent me an email of the plan B letter. I suggest you leave the letter on your way out.

Well.....tomorrow is the day I am supposed to move out. We had a brief discussion over the pros and cons of us seperating or trying to make things work. She went grocery shopping last night and proceeded to buy some of my favorite things...ie snacks..green tea that only I drink...shaving cream and razor blades that I was running low on. While putting away groceries she stated, " I bought alot of ground meat figuring we will have tacos, cheeseburgers, and maybe you can make meatballs this week." To me it sounds like she is wavering about me leaving. The day I should be moving out is also the first day of school for my children. I am all set for a dark plan B. Any thoughts? Is she having doubts about me leaving? My fear is she wants me to help pay the mortgage first and that may be her motivation.
Only three attempts to contact OM over the past few months with only one response from him which I heard was a leave me the hell alone phone call.

I think you can't read anything to her actions anymore, I know it's a mistake to assume what someone else's motives and thoughts are.
She has made a lot of moves to tell you it's over and she doesn't sound like she is the kind of woman that can commit the right way until she works on her own issues....
I know it's tough for you, you are trying to hold your family together....just be a great man and father...and work on making yourself happy......
When she really feels like what her life will be she may see herself and her selfish ways a little differently......
Hang in there......

First Draft of my plan B letter


Dear Wife

First off I would like to again apologize for my role in allowing our marriage to get to where it is at today. My excessive disrespect for your feelings over the years was in no way showing you the love that I have for you and more importantly that you deserve. I wish you could have been straight forward with your displeasure, but on retrospect I am now positive that you were and that I was too blind to notice. I wish you and I could have done more to correct our problems two summers ago, but alas we did not and there is no need to bring up why that did not happen. It hurts that I feel that you in some ways are afraid of me and I can not figure out why. For that I am most sorry and most ashamed.

I had an opportunity these past months to save our marriage but I did not take advantage of it and more than likely made things worse with my overbearing and snooping ways. I hope you did take note of the changes I have made and these are changes in my lifestyle that I intend to keep. I have survived these past few months for the sake of my children and my marriage and this experience has most definitely made me stronger. I still believe and always will believe that you and I can find love again and be the couple that we and our children deserve. More than anything I want the both of us to be there for our children and be there for each other first and foremost before anything else the way God intended marriage to be. I believe, and there is nothing that will change my mind on this that there is no such thing as a �good divorce� when it comes to our children. We have raised our kids in a loving environment and I believe it shows. Ours is not the type of marriage where divorce is the best option for all involved though those situations unfortunately exist in our world.

Over these past few months I have seen many signs that divorce and/or separation are not what your heart truly wants. I do believe you are determined in your mind to follow through with this but I don�t believe you are listening to you heart. The hardest part of all of this has been the dishonesty on your part over unimportant and meaningless things. You are right about trust being gone in our marriage. We are in a vicious cycle where you can�t trust me because of my snooping and fear of adultery and I can�t trust you due to the lies that you have told. As I write this I pray that we will find a solution and agree to give our marriage one more try. It makes sense both financially and for the sake of our children, though if you are reading this it is because you have chosen to have me leave our house.

For the next month or two it is important that you please do not contact me in any way unless there is an emergency with our children. You may email me schedules and such that concern our children. I expect and will require that I pick up Alex from latchkey, not your classroom. You may relay messages to me through my brother Bob or Granma. I shall do the same. Understand why I must do this, it is to protect the love I still have for you and most importantly prepare myself to let you go. When you are ready to discuss the future of our children and our finances I will be ready to sit down and listen. It is always I that am trying to discuss these issues. This must mean that you are not ready to go forward with what you have put in motion. I have no other explanation. I still pray for a miracle that will save our marriage and build it into something great, something you and I have never experienced. Something we can be proud of and most importantly that our children will grow up being proud of. Being separated is not the way to accomplish this, though if you truly want a divorce then I will gladly give it because I love you enough to let you go. It will be the toughest task of my life. I have faith that I will be given the strength to do it. To reiterate this is not what I want, but it is what I must do.
I hope to one day have my best friend, my love of my life back at my side. If not then I must prepare to move on and I can not do this with continuing communication with you.


Love
Husband

I suggest you remove the names

I haven't finished your letter, but what I have read is sounds like you are taking all the blame and you are also letting her know all her faults. Have you not seen a sample of the plan B letter? I will bump it for you.

Will re-vise...thanks for the help. I am supposed to be leaving today.....wife giving every indication that she does not want me to go. suggestions?

Why not just come right out and ask her? If she says she wants you to stay then you tell her that the only way you will consider it is if she is willing to be completely transparent, end all contact with OM, including a no-contact letter, and be willing to commit to coaching with the Harleys.

She either will be or she won't. No excuses. If she won't, then you walk leaving your Plan B letter behind. Let her experience life without you in it, for real, but remember a half-baked Plan B is no Plan B at all.

Om out of picture...it was an EA and him and I had a long talk about it....got the details I have been needing. Spoke with our primary care pyscian....he has seen both of us for over ten years. I talk to him more than my marriage therapist, which I attend alone. He is the one who diagnosed her bi-polar. He strongly advised me to not get my own place but move in with my mother for a least a month. Got the vibe from him he realizes meds not working. She sees him next month. I asked her tonite if she wanted me to leave...her response was you no what the court order says....my response was its your choice to enforce...so do I need to leave?...her response nothing. We have been moving about like we would normally do....getting kids ready for school in the morning...plannning kid related logistics for tomorrow and the weekend. Very confused. Gut feeling she dont want me to go. Thinking about reimplementing Plan A.....but with out the LB mistakes I mad thes past few months. Is this a good idea.....seams to me whie I am still here I should stay with plan A until one of us our gone. My kids will be devastated if we split and I am trying to avoid that at all costs especially with them just starting school this week. Am I right to approach things this way?