I recently found out that my wife was having an affair.We are in the process of rebuliding, but it has only been 3 weeks since I found out. I have not read all of the books yet, but I wanted to know is there any information on telling the OM wife about the affair? I want to tell her but I am not sure it would be right to do. We all work for the same company so it may spread like fire if she tells anyone else.

Yes, you must tell the OM wife, it is the right thing to do. Exposure is your best chance at killing the A.
You are saying that the A is over. Are you sure?
How can you be sure? Have you checked that there is no contact between WW and OM?
How old are you and your WW? DO you have kids?

You have to be prepared to expose the A to all family and coworkers. I know that this might be the last thing you want to do and you fear it would be counter productive, but in reality it is your only way to save the M.
I speak from experience....i did not take the advice here and now my WH separated from me to be with OW.
blessing

You need to let the OMW know.

exposing the affair will kill it, so letting everyone know family, friends, co-workers, anyone that have an influence over your wife.

I do believe it is over and all contact ended, however he is not far away when at work and there is a chance of them runing into eachother.
I am 40 and my WW is 34. we have 2 boys 4 and 8.
I have a letter ready to go to the OM wife but some of the advice from our Marriage counsler is to focus on the now.
Thanks for your advice

If they work together there are high chances that the A could re-kindle.
In these cases MB advices to seek for different employment and to distance WW from OM.
I know these measure seem drastic but an A is a serious blow to the M and it should not be take lightly.
Did you discuss job change with your WW?
blessing

when you send the letter you need to make sure that there is evidence that the affair did happen.

She needs to know exactly what is going on with her marriage, and you my friend can help her with that.

Welcome to MB, vmmusa.

The sorry thing is that until you all work for the same company you cannot have any rebuilding before you and your W leave the place and find another jobs. One of the requirements for recovery is no contact with an affair partner. How can your W establish no contact when you all work together, that is just not possible.

Send the letter immediately. So what if it spreads like a fire - what is more important now, your W's face, your own face or another chance for your M?

You are wasting your money and time for MC, because the first most important step towards the recovery is not done yet. There is no marriage to councel yet.

I had an affair with a person who wasn't working in our company but for our company. I thought I don't need to leave my job. I was so wrong and that resulted by false recovery and was very painful for my H.

Who to tell - everyone, but especially OMW.

DITTO!

I suggest you contact OMW by phone, or in person, if possible.
That way, she can determine you are not a nut job.

The exposure letter is OK, but human to human is better. If you can only expose by a letter, you should also put your phone number in the letter and offer to speak with her, if she likes.

Has your WW written a NC letter that meets with your approval?

vmmusa, I am so sorry to tell you but you are on track for a false recovery if they are still working together Can you provide more details about the A? I gather they would talk/see each other at work?

I have a link about NC for you. I will be back.

Please read this:
Read My Lips: No Contact Means No Contact

everyone needs to know, kids too. She has to quit her job.

Hi vmmusa, sorry you are here. Your counselor is giving you dangerous advice that will lead to the resumption of the affair. The OM's wife must be told so she can protect herself from your wife and the OM. Telling the OMW will mean 2 people watching from both ends. The more people who know, the more to hold them accountable.

Also, if there is any chance of them running into each other, it needs to be avoided. Even if it means quitting a job or moving away. Every time the affairees see each other they will be triggered and you will be facing an on again, off again affair for years.

Your wife will not be able to withdraw from the OM until all contact ends. Your marriage cannot recover until she withdraws. If she sees him at work, she will be in a state of perpetual withdrawal.

Your MC is full of it. You avoid the A at your peril. There are steps that must be taken in order to recover from this terrible crime of adultery that has been perpetrated against you and the OM's wife.

First order of business is to expose this A far and wide. You can't guarantee that the A has truly ended. I'll bet you only have your WW's (wayward wife's) word for that, right? Waywards are notorious liars. This A must be exposed so that everyone who is in a position to influence your WW can be on watch to help you keep her on the straight and narrow.

It is critical that you expose to OMW as your first exposure target. She must know what terrible thing has happened to her sense of order and reality. She must learn what her H is truly like.

You'll need to leave your jobs. At bare minimum, your WW must leave hers immediately. Tomorrow.

The OW in my sitch quit her job. Her H escorted her into her office and helped her clear out her desk. Good thing - I would have made my H quit if she hadn't. A job he'd been at for a few decades, with benefits. He almost blew that job by having an A with a co-worker. Because he would have been out on his [censored], courtesy of me. There is no way I would have stood for them working together for even a day.

H agrees. He said he didn't know how to end the A and was glad he was exposed. He also acknowledges that there was no way he could continue to work with her. Their A lasted about 5 months from intial flirting to going physical. See how serious this is? He knew he would have to quit a job he'd been at for decades because of a stupid A with a secretary that only lasted five months.

vmmusa, I gather you want to save your marriage, right? In that case, the other man's wife is the one individual in the whole wide world (besides yourself) whose knowledge is most likely to be the most effective at safeguarding against a rekindling of the affair. And she is the person whose eyes are in best position -- better than yours -- to watch the man who has been a predatory influence upon your marriage. You don't need any more reasons than those to tell her asap. (You should be wracking your brains & coming up empty looking for reasons NOT to tell her!)

Thanks for all the posts, I will read the rest of MB and try to use all the information to help my M.

Hi there.

Read as much as you can.

But considering exposure, the advice is everywhere the same: it must be done and it must be done right now. Same with No Contact, it is an absolute and non-negotiable prerequisitive for real recovery.

A very helpful and a must read thread is here.

No, she did not write a letter. She claims she wants to avoid any contact.