That would keep his job for 12 weeks, but his problem IS his job, and it requires him to travel all the time. Even when the project is done, his company is located in OM's home town. Either way, he'll need to find a new job. Holding his current job for him with no pay doesn't exactly help him.

I understand that, but at least it would give him a way to be home for a solid 12 weeks without risk of losing his job, at least to do a superb Plan A or get his ducks in a row for a Plan B. The questions is could they survive financially for that long?

Hi lamdown, and please just calm down, will ya,

I appreciate you are away now and cannot have a direct influence on the A. That is unfortunate but that is what it is. I also realize that you can't just run off from your postion no matter the urgency. I like the ideas of Scotland and Maritalbliss in getting hold of your emotions, and realizing that employers do not want to lose good people.

I do not know what relationship you have with your boss. I have had good relationshipes with my previous supervisors over that past 30 years, and when time off was needed I got it. Despite that, the family leave law applies to alot of employees. If I were you I would ask for a leave of about two to three weeks to be back home. That should afford you the time to at least begin a Plan A, or if you decide, to at least implement a Plan B, and to consult with an attorney for your rights and to advise in a strategy.

Again, all of this is going to be contingent on the relationship between your boss and you. If he/she respects your work you should get the leave. If he/she does not, well that is a problem. Use your leverage with your employer at this time.

You seem very hesitant, and I can understand. But, listen to the people here esp. PM, MB, and Scot and calm, get your plan, read, and take action. I know, easier said than done.

Good luck, prayers, and just do not wallow.

Tom

My boss is unsympathetic to my situation. He told me that he worked away from home as much as I am doing right now and his wife never had any issues. He said he did it for over 20 years and his wife basically raised their kids on her own. He also mentioned that his boss did pretty much the same thing. They are not willing to do anything to help my situation.

I do not know what to do. I need to be home to keep my family together. It is just like MB said, i have left the henhouse door swinging wide open by me being gone all the time.

BTW, my wife said this morning that if I resign she will leave me. She has been very cold to me over the phone lately. she does not tell me she loves me anymore.

This is just another threat (lie), the reason why she doesn't want you to resign is because then you WILL be home. She likes the situation she is at, she has a husband that is supporting her and then she has her b/f.

You need to decide for yourself which is better to save your marriage or your job.

Can you say "manipulation"?

So let me get this straight, if you keep your job and basically finance her affair and comfortable lifestyle, she'll stay with you. If you resign your job, she'll leave you? Hmmm? I'm not telling you what to do with your job. However, I will tell you that you need to secure your finances. Don't let your wife blow through your money. If you do lose or leave your job, you don't want you WW to have access to money for a lawyer. My guess is if you resign, she'll be so worried about finances, she'll tell you she's divorcing you, but she won't do it, and finances will be the excuse. This will give you an opportunity to kill the affair. What kind of engineer are you? I did a search on Monster.com in the Austin area and found 200 listings in the last 30 days. I also think there are a lot of temporary or contract jobs available. If I were you, I might try and take some more emergency vacation time off and hit the new job search super hard. Certainly, something can be available. Even if it is half of what you are making now, it is better than nothing. A lot of contract jobs can turn into full-time positions. I have a couple of recruiters numbers if you are interested. Surely, someone will be sympathetic to your situation and can offer some employment.

As for your WW, this is typical behavior. She is an addict and you are trying to take her drug away from her. She will lie, cheat, steal, and be downright nasty to get her fix.

What about your inlaws? What are their thoughts? Can you enlist their help. Get them to stay with you while you are away?

I agree to jmwc, she is only manipulating you so you can stay at your job so she can still have her b/f.

You really gotta make a decision here, things I would do BEFORE I had to quite my job because of this circumstance....

1. Make a separate account and put all of my finances in that new accounts, and only MY name is on that account.

2. Find a lawyer to help give me advice if things got bad, doing this BEFORE will help you have an upper hand, you don't have to worry about "WHAT IF" because you already KNOW!

3. Find a job in your area, even if it is a pay cut a job is better then NO JOB.

4. Once I do all those things, I will let my boss know that I am quitting, making him understand that I rather keep my marriage then this job.

If she does leave when you resign it's actually better for you, because now you are not supporting her affairs. because do you honestly believe that she will stay in this marriage while you are gone and she sleeping with this man??? I doubt it!

Good luck!

Sapphire:

I choose to save my marriage. I can always get another job but my marriage and family are too precious to me to let go over this POS OM. I need to help her get over this and cannot do this if I am gone all the time. She told me yesterday that she does not think she will ever be able to get over him. That he will always be on her mind. She said that it is a no win situation for me. I did not know what to tell her. She sounded very sincere when she told me this.

Jim:
I am an Industrial Engineer. I have mostly worked in the apparel industry. Unfortunately most apparel manufacturing has moved out of the U.S. I am looking at all jobs right now. Anything that will remotely match my background. I am OK with taking a big pay cut. Yes, please give me the numbers of those recruiters. I need all the help I can get.

My inlaws are too absorbed in their own lives. They are sympathetic about what is going on, but really can not help out in any way.

Apparently she is expecting you to keep your job so she has the freedom and the finances to continue the affair. Have you separated your finances yet. You need to do that and cut off any credit cards. You can order groceries on line. You can't be expected to finance her affair with a dead beat. For all you know you are paying his rent, buying his food and alcohol. You need to file for divorce (whether you sign or not). She could ruin you financially. You need to protect yourself and your children.

Oh, just an IE. We ChemE's make fun of you guys and Civil. Just kidding. Alright, well since you are an industrial engineer, that should work with anything manufacturing that is machine based. I also assume you have some capital project management experience as well. It's time you got out of the apparel industry anyway. That is a dying market. Time to reinvent yourself. I used to work for a polyester yarn manufacturer (among other things). I don't know what those recruiters specialize in, but I'll dig up their info later today. One of them placed me at the job I am currently in now.

Iamdown, once you are finally home with another job and you have already separated your fiances I suggest you stay in Plan A for at least a month, if nothing changes then I highly recommend Plan B.

Well, at least you know what your options are. And they are few.

If you want to save your M, you need to resign and get home. Your WW doesn't want you to do that because you're making the cash she needs to finance her A (especially if OM is the deadbeat he sounds like) and you're creating a comfy situation for her - all the comforts of home with no responsibilities and a boyfriend, to boot!

Look at it like this: you won't be out of work forever. Your skills are marketable. Let your employer know that, while you applaud his wife's ability to remain true to him (if, indeed, she really was ) while he travelled, such is not the case for you. And that you need to resign to keep your family together. He'll get his karma bus later for being so cold and unfeeling of your sitch.

At the same time, you definitely need to move your finances around so she can't get to the money. Cancel credit cards. If you can't cancel them, call the card issuers and tell them you want the credit limits lowered to whatever the current balance is. That way she can't ruin your credit with cash advances, etc.

Take the bulk of your cash out of your checking and savings accounts and open new ones that are only in your name. Leave a small amount of money in each - $50 ought to do it. Do this before she knows you've quit your job, or she'll jump on it first.

Land on your doorstep and say "Honey, I'm home!" You're going to see some fireworks because you're messing around with the sweet gig she's got going. But believe me, reality is going to start intruding into her cushy little world quickly, when it comes time for someone to come up with some cash for one of their little rendezvous.

She called me a little while ago to threaten me some more about not quitiing my job. She told me that I need to think about the kids because my sons birthday is coming up, Christmas, etc.. And that they are used to getting nice gifts. She said she is still with me because I have my job and that if I did not have it, then she would see no reason to be with me.

She said she would leave asap to go be with OM if I quit. She said he is going to build a new house for her and pay cash for it with the insurance money he is getting from his old house burning down. She said the house he is building her will have a bedroom for each of our kids. She said she already talked to a lawyer and was advised that she will get custody of our kids and could take them with her to his state.

I am not sure how to take all of this. I am in a state of shock and confusion. I was speechless as she told me all this. I did not think her and OM were making these kind of detailed plans.

Iamdown you need to be stronger, if you honestly believe this woman then you are SCCCRREEEWWWEEDDD!! You can't believe her!

Do what we said

Separate your finances
get rid of any credit cards
quite your job
then go back home.

You gotta take control over this situation, if you don't then you will 100% lose your wife.

What are you waiting for? For her to leave next week? Or 2 months? Either way, the situation you are in SHE WILL LEAVE YOU!

SO buck up, get your balls back, and start taking control.

Hogwash!! Ws's lie! Ask her for the name of her attorney as you need to give it to YOUR attorney. This is all a pipe dream, probably what OM has been feeding her to keep her interested.

She is freaking out that she might lose her source of $$.

You should call her bluff.

OH and P.S

WS LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE!!!

Take her bluff, you are way better with out her, she can't take the kids, so that's even better, let her live with this man. MWHAHAHAHA...she will open her eyes and find out she made the biggest mistake!!

DO IT!!

WE know you are strong enough!

Hahahaha! Oh, those kooky waywards and their fuzzy little plans. My FWH and his AP were going to go to Aruba and travel Europe!

Okay. Seriously. Here's what she was thinking when she said all of that to you:

"What can I say that will REALLY scare him into keeping his job? What weakness does he have...OH! I KNOW! THE KIDS! Yeah, that's it! I'll put that visual in his head of his poor little children sitting around a bare Christmas tree on Christmas Day!OOOO, that'll get him!

And if THAT doesn't keep him at work, hmmm...need a back-up plan...GOT IT. I'll say if he quits that OM is going to build a house for me and the kids! SCORE!! There's NO WAY he'll quit his job if I say that!"

This is all designed to keep you at the business of financing her status quo. You're kicking the legs out from under it if you quit. Oh, and by the way - in the extremely unlikely event that she actually does leave, the kids stay with you. They do NOT leave with their wayward mother. Make sure she knows that. It's unlikely she'll leave. Or she might - like Sapphire did (shout out to you, Saph! Throw your two bits in here about when you took off in a huff!) Sapphire took off and was back home almost immediately.

She'll be spitting mad, AM. Beyond the pale. Picture the possessed kid in The Exorcist. And that's fine. She'll get over her anger. Just stay calm and let the storm blow itself out.

I do plan to call her bluff on this. She spoke with conviction when she told me she would leave with him if I quit. She said she would first introduce OM to all of her family and they would quickly accept him when she told them how happy he makes her. I feel like she is no longer my wife, I dont know who she is anymore. It is like the real her has been abducted by aliens and she is now just an evil clone!

I know she would not be gone long if she went with OM. This guy will show her his true colors in no time! Also, there is no way I will allow my kids to go with her. But how traumatizing that would be for them if she did leave to go over there to be with him. And how awkward & messed up it would be when she returned! I dont know if I could take her back.

Which makes me ask: have you exposed this to her family yet? Who knows about this? Because if you haven't, she'll be planning on telling them first and spinning it to make you look like an abusive, uncaring husband who has emotionally abused her and your kids for years, blah blah blah. You need to let them know what is going on.

I suspect OM isn't too interested in an instant family. Just my opinion.

Don't eat the elephant in one bite. Worry about the damage if it happens. She hasn't left yet. And I don't think she's going to.

Trust me her family WILL NOT accept him! ROFL!!

Isn't it soo funny how thick the fantasy of WS'S?? It's hilarious!

Anyway, what are you working on now? Tell us your plans for this week.