Its official.....moved out last nite. Drafting revised plan B letter right now. Spoke with OM since they again had phone contact. This is the greiving widow by the way. Explained my situation and again asked him not enable her. He insured me he would not answer no texts or phine calls. We shall see.

He will contact her.

GO DARK VERY DARK!!

No emails
No texts
No calls
Don't even "SEE" her

Thanks Sapphire! It will be difficult not to see her but I will do my best. Here is my revised plan B letter which I sent already.

Dear Wife

I hope you understand how hard this is, it is especially difficult when you seem to be unable or unwilling to discuss the issues. There has to be much more than I said bad things to you while under stress for your unwillingness to even discuss the financial and emotional ramifications of our actions. Should we not have at least sat son down and spoke to him together?

Anyhow I would like to apologize for my part in the mess our marriage is in. You heard it many time before so I will not elaborate further. Starting today it is unfortunately necessary for me to detach myself from you in the interests of self preservation. You may and are expected to contact me in an emergency with our kids. Any communication you need to relay please call my brother, mother or use a family member of yours. Please insure that I am made aware of and am included in through said intermediaries in any decision making and scheduling involving education, health, and religious decisions regarding our children. You may forward via email any activity schedules for our children. Need solid gymnastic schedule ASAP so I can schedule my U6 team. I will do the same.

Until I find my own place you will need to send enough and suitable clothing including soccer, baseball, gymnastics, and self defense attire when we exchange our children. Let my brother know where this will take place. I have no problem picking them up. I will purchase an additional booster seat myself. I believe my next day with the kids is Monday the 6th. This is Labor Day so I will pick them up at 10 am and will need school clothes through Wednesday. My mother will be putting AJ on the bus. I also need all pertinent school passwords, schedules and such.

When you are ready and find the courage to sit down and have and honest discussion about the many issues we need to face together please let me know. Until that time please do not call or text unless it is an emergency. I will be attending all of our children�s activities, baseball, soccer, gymnastics and such.

I truly hope and pray that one day I will have my best friend and soul mate back at my side. It is now painfully obvious this is what you want though I have seen the doubts (I know you as well as you know yourself, I know when you are being honest or not and when you are hurting or not though you believe this is not the case) in your actions and your words. I hope you will find the courage to listen to your heart and give our family a chance to have something greater than we have ever had and to reach our full potential. The best part of me was always you. I am sorry it was not the same for you anymore but I believe it can be. I will continue to better myself and be your faithful husband during this separation. I hope you understand that I need this time and this is not a reflection of how our relationship will be.

Love
Husband

Day one of dark plan B

Recieve text messages in morning....I reply after 3rd with "read your email"

Recieve phone call...did not answer...listened to voice mail WW wants to sit down and discuss with DS...after I was forced to leave...she would like my help in explaining to him that we are just doing what the courts have ordered us to do.....lol

after second voice mail cursing me for not responding to first she calls my brother who is my designated IM and theatens to gid rid of my dog....Is this typical of plan B responses? Or is my WW just that nuckin futs?

Yeah - they always try to break Plan B. They need a fix from the BS as well.

Block her number.

Spoke with my kids last night....this is very hard for them already. DS blames WW. DD is very confused...she does not understand why she can't see daddy and my wife is telling them this is only temporary and I will be back in a couple of weeks.

I am soo sorry...your in plan B right?? Just stay dark! Good luck! We will be here.

My brother just picked up some things for me from house. He asked WW if there was a chance of us re-concilling....she said no way. Brother said she was very business like with him and bitching about me. Day 2 of plan B. This sucks! Go to domestics on tuesday. Hope to get off pretty easy. What do you do when your own family tells you to forget about it....move on?

hi there dcn54,
Your brothers reaction is very normal, he doesn't want you to be hurt anymore by her......
Your Plan B is working nicely, she is mad that you are moving on and ignoring her, you have had your talk with the kids, let her now feel the effects of her decisions....
she will be mad, but as time goes back she will miss you and your life together as she has known it, she will no longer have you taking care of things it will all lie on her shoulders......let her feel that.......
do what you are suppose to with the children, enjoy them have fun with them.....work on being the best dad and person you can be, show her it's not you that has lost his way......and that you are willing to be a person that your kids can look up to.........
stay dark.......visit friends and family, help others.........keep busy..........
good luck

Day 3 of plan B
Very hard to hold to plan B when you have kids. Broke down and called her after numerous texts and phone calls. It of course ended with me being very pissed. Mad at myself for breaking plan...hate her for what she is doing to my children...my family.
Feeling like just throwing in the towel and calling it a day.
Damn I hate this and I hate her. Losing all hope and that makes me mad also.

You had a setback. Yes, it sucks what they do to the family. But you will eventually adjust to the change, feel better, and settle into your new life.

It sucks, but start to think along the lines that it is over. It will help you be stronger and shield yourself from her.

There is no need to communicate with her, even with kids, unless someone is about to die or there is blood on the floor.

Use that as your guide. If you need advice on how to do something, come here and get it here, but don't go to her about anything with the kids.

You'll adapt, learn, and get good at being a single parent.

It sucks for a while, but it gets better.

Plan B continues since setback.......

Wife text multible times reminding me the kids will need toothbrushes, extra socks.....meanwhile I am staying at my mothers...and she damn well knows we have always kept extra clothes and toothbrushes....etc here because my mother has always watched them for us. Anyway i ignored her. Went to pick up my son, took him to a fantasy football draft with me, pulled into driveway and to get my attention she had packed up the family dogs food, toys, leash and left in pile in driveway. She knows I love that dog.....held myself together and ignored it. Plan B starting to appeal to me.....it will drive my WW absolutely crazy....very short drive by the way. I will get through this first and formost ofr my self. Thanks everyone for you support. Interesting times ahead....

It may drive her crazy for a short time, but she eventually gets it.

It takes two to have an argument. Life eventually settles down and you move on with things.

Seriously, don't say a thing unless there is blood on the floor or someone is about to die. If she writes you to check on whether or not you have all you need for the kids, then ignore. If she calls, let it go to voice. If it's important, she'll leave a message.

Anything dealing with general everyday kid stuff is for you to figure out on your own without her help.

Good advice help......that I can do and have always done....my wife is just your typical no one can maother like mother can....well to hell with that i have always been a good dad....and that is more than enough.

Update

Went to domestics on tuesday and it was tossed. I owe her zero spousal, mortgage, or child support....she is screwed. Of course on the last possible day she filed and exception to the custody ruling...we have shared custody...complete 50-50. Her reason was that I am currently staying with my mother. Never mind the fact that my mother has had my children overnite twice a week since they were born to help us on daycare expenses. Should be into a very nice townhouse by the end of the month so it will be a mute point, just disgusted she would do that. She spoke with me at soccer practice last nite. She got 4 tickets to the baseball game and told my son the four of us would be going. Its on my weekend with the kids. Broke down and informed her that her little fantasy of hers being this happy, divorced, dysfunctional family is not going to happen. She sounded upset.
I expect her to continue these attempts knowing she can not afford our house alone. She just called informing me that we have acertified letter from the bank and that we should pick it up together. Arrrrrrgh

I know i should block her number or something but I can't bring myself to do that.

Block it and GO DARK!

Todays may anniversary....12 years. Still having trouble going dark. So much going on with the kids it is impossible. Have that feeling that I would do anything to save my marriage...
I just wish I know what it is. I just don't see how to do plan B without appearing to be hurting my children in the process.

Update

Plan B has been very difficult. We see each other multiple times a week and she refuse's to use intermediay for kids. Threatens to use the fact I won't talk to her about kids against me in court. She filed and exception to custody.

My big question is we have been seperated going on three weeks and affair with OM has started back up. My son know's about it. He goes to school with OM's kid and this kid told people in school how WW was at his house. It's killing my son.
Should I re-expose harder and more complete this time even though we are seperated?

dcn, I would tighten up this plan B if you want to ever have any hope of saving your marriage. Your Plan "C" for compromise is the most likely thing to lead to divorce. You can do a dark plan B if you stop reading her texts and stop talking to her or seeing her. When you pick up the kids, have them meet you in the drive way and simply don't read her texts or emails anymore.

Have you told your children the real reasons why you are separated? Do they know your wife is having an affair? if your children know the truth they will resent the OM for breaking up their family.

And yes, I would re-expose if you know of continued contact. But the most important thing is to actually DO Plan B.

She does not have a choice. If she wants to get a message to you, she HAS to use the IM. I would shut this down now and go dark. She is doing this because she does not want to give up control over you.