Well... Exposure got the OM fired. He was her boss and did more than one thing that could have gotten him fired. Part of me feels bad about it. After all that has happened I am not sure I should feel bad, but there it is.
Not sure where we go from here. Maybe he moves back out of state, maybe not. That is where is kids and estranged wife are.

I guess I just continue with plan A for now.

Yes, continue with Plan A. This is a good development. Offer your wife an opportunity to come back home. Do your best to demonstrate that you can meet her needs and can be a good husband.

Buckeye,

Excellent, clearly he works for reputable corporation.

Hang in there, things will change and keep doing plan A.

JL

Sounds like a respectable company. Since OM isn't working (and I assume your wife isn't either?) then that'll put a financial twist or healthy dose of reality into the fantasy. What is your wife doing for financial support?

Thanks. I will hang in there and continue with plan A.

Vibrissa- I have offered her and she knows the offer is on the table. But she has been talking seriously about moving in with her parents for awhile. Maybe as soon as this weekend. It is a start. Her family is very mad about what she has done.

Northwood- This is the first week she hasn't received a paycheck. But he had been buying groceries and paying for all the living expenses at his place.

Something to consider since they'll be low on money...do you have any joint credit cards? If so, you should think about removing her name from any where you are the primary cardholder and removing your name (if the bank allows) from any where you are secondary cardholder.

I did this with my wife when she had an affair about ten years ago and also had her come by the house to pay half of all bills...much like a roomate would do. I also set up a second bank account for just myself where my paycheck was deposited. It made a statement, that's for sure.

I agree - you should not be financing her single lifestyle. She can either be home and part of the family and make use of family money - or she can be out living with whoever, financing that life.

Separate your accounts to prevent her from taking from you and your son.

Nice - that should throw a good dash of cold water on the A.

I regret not exposing my FWW'S A to her office. If the OM was fired as a result, it would have significantly impacted him financially.

I have a couple questions I was hoping other posters may be able to answer as I struggle with plan A.

I am struggling to avoid making snide remarks or showing my displeasure with everything that is going on (especially when she gets text messages from him). Any advice on how to calm my emotions when I am around my WW?

Part of me wants to go to the OM's apartment, make some sort of grand gesture and get my wife back. The rest of me thinks it's a bad idea. Tell me it is a bad idea so I can put that thought to rest.

My wife threw out the "I love you but I am not in love with you" line today. Is that normally just fogbabble and something that I should ignore?

What is the best way, if there is one, to convice her to work on the marriage?

Thanks in advance.

Couple quick updates

My WW had an open invitation to stay at her parents' house for a while. While there she would be able to have our son overnight. Instead she chose to stay at the OM's apartment. She is like an addict. I can find no other way to explain why she would choose some guy over her son. I told her it was disrespectful to stay at the OM's place. I am debating whether I should tell her what I think about choosing him over our son.

Also, the OM's wife messaged me on facebook and was mad at me for getting the OM fired. As if I was the one who had an affair with a subordinate and spent a large amount of company time on the company phone with her.

Why are you talking to your wife, you need to be in plan B.

I havent done a good plan A. I really just started with it. I was late finding this site and getting things moving with Plan A. Why do I need plan B. Because she is living with him?

You can't Plan A while she's living with someone else.

Get her a Plan B letter with the conditions she must meet in order for you to take her back.

Then stop all communications that don�t deal with your child�s vital life or death needs or appointments. There is otherwise no need to communicate.

If she wants any type of visitation, then she can file for it.

If I were you, I�d send the Plan B letter and then file for abandonment, requesting child support and spousal maintenance.

I think you can ask for this without a divorce, but a lawyer could tell you specifically.

You know, htld that is actually very good advice and in line with something Dr. Harley said on the radio.

I can't remember when, but the situation was a man with a WW. He advised the man to play hardball because not only was it best for the children for the father to get custody of them, but often, the shock of losing their family can wake a WW up. If it doesn't then at least the father has custody and the WW can go run her life into the ground with her AP. He even said that often once the affair ends, the WW comes back to her family and mentioned that he was counselling a few couples in just that situation: wife left the family, and eventually when the affair ended came back.

If she is this wayward, and Plan A is impossible and exposure didn't work. A strong Plan B where Buck files for custody is probably the way to go.

If she never come's back, he needs to do it anyway.

Because in your case, plan A is just going to further enable your WW, and plan B, getting a lawyer and getting tough on your WW and exposing her to the consequences of your behavior are much more likely to end her affair. Besides, if it doesn't work, you have custody and spousal support. Right now I am telling you that your situation is grim, so you should shore up custody first. That will benefit you if things don't turn around, and it will make your WW more likely to reconsider her path.

Thanks as always for the advice. I have a couple things to bring up and maybe I am just acting scared, but here they are anyway. She is considering moving out of the OM's apartment and in with her parents. If she does that within the next couple days, do I still move on to Plan B because she is not living in our home? She also does watch our son, usually, at our house while I am at work. So, she is around and not completely gone. We spent all day Saturday together when we went to a birthday party out of town. We spent much of Sunday together and four hours together yesterday after I got home from work. She also flirts with me by playfully fighting with me. And also read me a card she got for me a couple years ago, that included the line "I still love you" in it. Maybe I am grasping for straws, but I want to believe there is still hope.

As for getting a lawyer, she quit her job and I am trying to pay all the bills on my own, so I don't think I have the money for a lawyer. Can it be done without a lawyer or would it be less expensive than I am imagining.

You need a lawyer for your own protection. I'd talk to some and see what you can work out.

It doesn't matter if she's living with her parents, or the OM. She isn't living at home.

Plan B gives her a taste of divorced life - which is where she is headed. In Plan B, she doesn't get to come 'home' and watch your son. If she's living with her parents, you can get a 3rd party to drop your son off at her parent's place, or you make other arrangements for his daily care. If she's still with OM, she only gets to see him at her parent's house.

Plan B she doesn't get to come home, she doesn't get to play house during the day and go home and sleep with OM. That is enabling her affair.

You gotta shock her and rock her world.

There is hope - but you gotta change the status quo.

Plan B takes time and planning.

You need to find an intermediary to filter conversations between you.
You need to address the childcare issue.
You need to find a way to get a legal separation order.

You can give her the option to come home and work on her marriage. That is the only way she gets her family together. If she doesn't agree to that, you give her a letter explaining what Plan B is and your requirements for recovery and you go dark.

You need to start thinking of issues that will arise and start planning your Plan B.

What she�s doing is called cake eating. She�s continuing the affair while getting some of her EN�s met by you.

Yes, a lawyer will cost you. Get a credit card and pay for it, but it�s a step you need to take.

Don�t let her in your home. Get a daycare for your son or have family take care of him.

She will continue to do this for as long as you let her. The only thing that will shake the apple cart is you growing a pair, standing up for yourself and your son, and taking a stand where she can�t cake eat anymore.

A WW is shaken by the realization that she stands to lose her family. Part of your legal motion is to request full child support and spousal support on the grounds of abandonment since she moved out.

The odds are high you won�t get spousal support, but she could be forced to get child support to you. She wants to have things both ways. She wants to act single, but isn�t willing to get a job necessary to support herself and still depends on you.

The way to deal with a WW is with tough love. You take these steps and make it clear to her that you don�t wish to take these steps, but that you won�t be living in a state of limbo. It�s a matter of pride.

Having it will make you more respectable to her. She�ll be ticked at you at first, but will respect you for it later.

Thanks for the slap in the face. Time to get things rolling for Plan B.

Ya sorry for not explaining I kinda just say things very bluntly with out a lot of explaining, only because we have so many awesome people on here that can explain things WAY BETTER then I could

Just remember once you are in plan B, go DARK, no calls, no texts, no emails, etc.

Find someone you know that can help you communicate between the two of you we call it an IM.

Good luck!

Post your plan B letter so we can help.