Sounds good to me Hitch, keep on fighting the good fight.

Tired of it though Constant, feeling like winning a losing battle. Now I feel like I am fighting against his family too.

Feeling down right feel like saying to H go find someone who is so great, go find someone better than me go find someone your family like.

I have never been disrespectful to his family. I took flowers when I went to visit, never responded or argued back when they made disrespectful comments and never put my H in a difficult situation over there behaviour.

I don't know maybe there's just too much to deal with, how long do I have to wait til he recommits.

Times like this I wonder if I am depressed, really tired of fighting, cried every day this week. I just want my H by my side supporting, me and showing me love and care. Not someone obssessed with work, unable to show affection, unable to ick me up when i am down.

Spoke to SH about why I had the A, he said he believed I did because I had not had my EN's met for such a longtime that I grew tired and made the choice to let my barriers down for someone else to meet them. It was not a conscious choice.

Tired of being treated like a lesser of a person, need some tlc right now. Wonder if I am getting tired of Plan A, and it is draining me.

i know I created this situation.

Hitch, no real advice from me, just wanted to say I know how you feel...said to my mother last night on the phone that I just wanted someone to take care of me. And then I feel selfish for saying/feeling that. I read your thread often and while our situations aren't exactly the same, there are a lot of similarities. Truthfully, this forum is the only place I find support. Even my folks, who mean well, but they love me and they know I am tired and hurting, so they just don't really know what to say. All I know is just to go all out, hoping that SOMETHING I am doing is having an impact...hang in there and be strong, Hitch...I'll pray for you and your H.

Hey Wulff

Thanks for taking time out to have a read of my thread. There is some really good guidance on here, things move forward a little, havign a bad day today I guess.

To be honest most days are bad days until we cn get a plan together to sort this mess out.

Had a read of your thread, very similiar situations aren't they? I have an extra time pressure though, called my fertility clock, which is bleeping loud and clear. So I am risking more than must my M if things don't work out. You know there will be 1 year to get over my H if we split up, then have to meet someone new, another 1 year (maybe, could be longer the way I feel about men right now ?!! joke), so there is a big impact there. If this was off, then it would not be such an issue.

This is the only place I found support, appart from my best friend who has been amazing. My family are looking at me in dismay, has she not given up yet? I suppose they see me as youngish, attractive, good career, fun, happy (most of the time), and think i could go out there and have the pick of someone who wants to be with me, do things, will look after me blah blah blah. Thats their opinion though...

Your right though Wulff, its the care thing that is a biggie, it is not on the EN's questionairre though is it? How do you get your H to care for you? You know bring you a hot water bottle when you have a tummy ache, look at you when you have done a long car journey and say you look tired and bring you a cup of tea (very english sorry)....

Hmm tricky.

Im sorry but I feel like I am giving up.

Dont trust that feeling Hitch. The one that says,"I am depressed and feel lost so I might as well give up right?"

All this is part of the emotional rollercoaster. Everyone goes thru something like it.

Glad S Harley clarified why you had the A, I, and prolly others knew that but coming from the DR we can trust standing up for you in that area. At least I will now.

Hang in there and take a break from thinking about it when its all negative mood stuff.

Prayin for ya

Oh no what a mess.

H said he was popping out for an hour, to meet a builder. He looked all dressed up. I made him dinner and sat and waited and waited. I rang him twice no answer. I knew something was up so decided to go snooping. I went out in the car and saw him in a bar with a group of people, one of them who looked like one of the OW. I sent him a text, saying, are you having a nice time with OW? I was sat in the car outside the bar, he read his text and then looked up and saw me sat outside. He came outside and told me I looked ridiculous. I told him that he had lied to me, he said I haven't lied to you the builder went home then I bumped into some friends. Also that it wasn't OW. I am not sure about this he seemed adamant but he is a good liar

Anyway i went home, when he came back he had a massive go at me. He said

1. I was ridiculus and unhinged -(I told him that you were coming home I had made you dinner and something in my heart knew you were lying).
2. He said that I had told people we were back together, I said I hadn't but have said that I was trying to sort things out
3. He told me he wanted me to stay around so he could make me suffer just as much as he had.
4. He told me he wanted me to move on
5. He said I had betrayed him and he couldn't get past it
6. He said he was not in love with me
7. He said he despised me

I don't know whether just to pack my stuff and go. I spoke to the estate agents to rent out the other place, which is on the market. Sometimes I feel I should just go and start a new life and go back there.

This sucks I know but don't panic and DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! talk to you tommorow hitch

Hitch,

Have you done a good plan A? have you changed your behavior? Do you have your boundaries set? If so, it might be time for plan B. Have you looked at plan B? Do you know how to do it and what to do? If so, let us know prepare the plan B letter and let us look at it.

God Bless,

JL

I don't understand whats going on. One minute he wants to spend time with me and then the next he does this.

I feel such an idiot. I really can't believe this is happening to me and I created it. I feel an idiot because he is gossiping with other people about how I am 'trying to fix things'. I feel an idiot because I am trying to sort things out and feel like he is using it as some big ego boost.

He sent me a text from the other bedroom this morning saying 'do you want a lift to your car'? I ignored it and got a taxi.

I knew it would get to Plan B. I just don't have any strength anymore. I stood outside this morning and just felt no energy in my body.

Yes I know about Plan B. Where am I suppose to go? I really don't want to leave my home. I suppose I have no choice, he won't leave. Do I go to my other house? I have just put it on the market to rent out as I thought it would be meeting his ENs.

I am devastated.

Hitch,

Your story reminds me of another FWW, Ivetz's. The beginning of her story along with posts is gone I think, because the forum crashed a year ago or so, but the rest of the story is available here

She made it, and I hope that if you take good advice and act accordingly, you will make it, too.

Don't get upset about what other people think or speak about your efforts, only you know it best. You mentioned earlier somewhere that nobody in your social circle seems to have such struggles, but it doesn't mean they don't/won't struggle if it comes to recovering their marriages nor does it say that they are overly honest with you, because normally people just want themselves to look better. They have their FACE to save, you know. But you, you have a marriage to save. And very good to have your wedding ring back on!

Hi Niitse

Thanks for taking time to read my story. Its a shame that the beginning of Ivetzs story is missing. Could you summarise some of that for me?

I will have a read through her recovery, but haven't even got to the stage where H is willing to commit to that.

Thanks again

Hitch

Ivetz's H wasn't committed for a long time at all, he took regular trips to strip clubs, and his attitude was very similar to your H. Good people here taught her to set boundaries and many other things, from which you may also benefit.
If I remember it right, Ivetz had an affair, she was very remorseful, her H was extremely devastated. She wanted to make it right, make it up to him, put her all efforts in it, but in her way, she sort of lost herself, as it seemed to me.

Started reading Ivetzs story too painful today to read about BH working on recovery with WW. Thanks thought Niitse, maybe at some point....

Can't focus on work and keep crying feel like all is lost.

Had another run in with H, he came home from work and packed his stuff for his weekend away. I just stayed in my office, and then he sat in his car on the drive for about 1 hour with his head in his hands. Usually i go out to him and comfort him but I satyed in my office. About 1/2 hour later he came upstairs and said I don't know why you are being funny with me Hitch? I said because you disrepcted me by ignoring my calls, stayed out much later and then verbally abused me. He said well you disrepected me whne you had the A. He then said I am only trying to move on, I then said well move on then what are we having this discussion for? He said but I don't understand why you won't be nice to me? I said H, move on as you wish and go away for your weekend, I have work to do. Then shut my office door, he slammed the front door and left.

Hi Niitse

Did Ivetz use Plan B? I am nervous of doing so...

Thanks again, Hitch

What did she use to get him to recommit....more q's sorry

Sorry for lots of posts need this place today. I have probably messed this all up, sorry i but i have had enough of him...

I sent H a text saying,
The way you treated me last night and the things you said were the lowest of the low. To tell me that you want me to suffer says it all. I cannot take anymore verbal abuse. I would like you to leave.

He responded by saying;
I do find your jealousy and distrust some what of a problem on several levels. 1. there would have been times when we bumped into girls i know but you couldn't deal with the situation. 2. I've never followed you or hunted you down when you are out. 3. you still snoop around my stuff. I've tried to trust you but it failed. I am very sorry for the things I said last night. I really haven't wanted to punish you, my comments were made out of anger and frustration.

my response
I don't want to discuss this anymore, take your stuff and leave.

Thats when he came home and did a big sulking act.

My thoughts exactly