Yes, this man gave you and your kid HIV and shows no remorse.
This is the type of people you can have very little hope for.
I know you love him and it is hard to realize how low he is, but at least rationally, can you see him for what he is?
You need to be apart from him. He will only continue to hurt you.
Blessing

Yes, I am ready to get to work. He has manipulated me for so long that I cannot believe anything he says. All he shows is hate towards me. I just need to learn to accept this though. I have an appt. with a lawyer on Friday.

Everything you are saying is right. I don't have any siblings. Only my mom and dad who are supportive but don't know the whole story. He has a very large family though, and some of them know, but I don't know how they will react once I really start divorce proceedings. Ultimately, they are HIS family, so I don't know how much I'll be able to count on them for support.

How should I go about telling the OW's husband?

So sorry that you are here and that this horrible thing has happened to you.

You need to pick up the phone and call OWH immediately! Since your WH has had multiple affairs there is a chance the HIV did not come from this OW and maybe your WH passed it to her. If that's the case the OWH may be in imminent danger of getting the disease himself. He needs to know about all of this and he needs to know NOW!!! You could literally be saving this poor man's life! Of course, he may already know about it or even have HIV himself but you cannot know that unless you talk to him yourself.

Exposure is a powerful step toward trying to save a marriage. In your case, exposure could save somebody's life as well. You must do this and you must do this now. Pick up that phone. You can do this.

I would do this in a strategic manner so you get the best effect and don't give them a chance to pre-empt you. Make up a list of all targets and call them in ONE DAY. This way it hits the affairees at once and prevents them from pre-empting you.

Make up a list and sit down and start calling. Make the list in this order:

1. OW's husband
2. your h's parents, close sibs and cousins [even those you think already "know" - get the true story to them

Tell them about the affairs, the HIV, and tell them you are trying to save your marriage. Ask them to use their influence to persuade your H to end his affair. If anyone says "ok, I will keep this a secret!" tell them nononono!! Affairs thrive on secrecy so that is what you don't want.

3. the OW's family - find her parents and other family members from facebook. Send them a private message telling them about the affair and asking for their help. Ask her parents to call you

4. Tell your older kids today about the affair. Explain to them what their dad is doing and why this is wrong

If your H calls during your exposure, don't answer the phone.

ksiril, be prepared for your H to become furious when he finds out you have exposed him. He will say the craziest most inane things like "I was going to work on the marriage, now I'm not" "how could you be so mean to the OW!!" blah, blah, blah, blah.... It will be really funny and very typical. The hard part will not to LAUGH. If you feel like laughing, I strongly suggest you leave the room.

And don't worry about his anger. Just liken it to taking the car keys away from a falling down drunk. He says all sorts of crazy things but it is meaningless. The same with your H. He is just a crazy, falling down drunk who is high on his affair and his creepy lifestyle.

ksiril, I don't have advice to add, but I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry. I know you must be hurting, and I just said a prayer for you.

When you speak with the lawyer, make sure to talk about possibly suing or pressing charges on the OW and/or your WH. People who knowingly have a dangerous infectious disease and take no precautions to keep from spreading it are violating the law and putting lives at risk. I would strongly suggest you get your lawyer to start helping you build a case against the OW and take it to the authorities.

Thank you so much for all of the advice. I feel stronger today. He just texted me and said he was moving out next week, that he had nothing left for me, and that he wasn't going to spend what's left of his life answering to anyone. He also said I could have the kids and he wants nothing to do with them. It's despicable.

Did you contact OW's husband yet?

Sorry you are going through this. Many here have lived the same pain. You will get lots of help and advice here.

Oh...by the way....did you contat OW's husband yet?

Have you followed our advice and exposed the affair, ksiril?

What your H said was designed to get you off his back and leave him alone while he has his affair.

He should spent what's left of his life behind bars where he belongs. Don't take mercy on this POS or he will infect others.

Honestly, why are you still giving this woman marriage saving advice? Her WH has given her and her child HIV and shown no remorse, continuing to fool around on her. He needs to be locked up so he can't infect others. Would you affair busting advice a woman who has been taking daily beating from her WH or would you just tell her to remove herself from this abusive relationship? Personally, I think giving someone HIV without any remorse is worse than physical abuse.

I read your story last night and cried, this is soo sad by far the worst thing I have ever read!

When are you going to expose?

What ARE you talking about? His affairs and his HIV should be exposed wide and far so that others can protect themselves from him. And of course a woman who was being BEATEN should expose the affair. The more people who know, the more people who can hold him accountable.

Keeping his affair and his HIV only serves to enable him. Surely you aren't suggesting she HIDE his affair/HIV? If you are, then you are not helping her situation.

Well, she did come here looking for help to save the marriage.

And the truth is, the steps at the beginning are the same whether your goal is to save the marriage or to get out responsibly. Dr. Harley's plans lead either to a recovered marriage full of romantic love OR to a decent end to the marriage with specific knowledge of WHO did not do WHAT that could have saved it. With this knowledge, a lot of people who would otherwise have wanted to save the knowledge will at least feel secure knowing that they did everything possible on their end.

Your husband is a criminal. If you are afraid of his abuse, go to a shelter and get the police involved.

If you still want to be married to this abuser who abuses, cheats on you, and gave you HIV which is a death sentence, then you are not valuing yourself or your life in any way and need supportive counseling to see;

1. Why you picked this criminal to have children with
2. Why you still want to stay with an abuser
3. Why you did not leave after the first year of his abuse

Please get help for you and the children. Do not stick with this abusive man.

Do you have anyone where you are who can help and support you? I am trying to imagine how I would feel....H having an A, being diagnosed with HIV, knowing my child has HIV, feeling overwhelmed by it all, trying to digest tons of new and intense information while feeling this sense of "urgency" about everything. I cannot imagine. Just know that someone in cyberland is lifting you up and praying that in addition to all the "action now" you are sifting through, there is also a place where you can find comfort and healing and a shoulder of compassionate empathy.

Just wanted to post and check up on ya...

Hope the exposing is going well

Good morning. This is your third day here...about 72 hours, and I know your head is probably spinning. How are you feeling today? Are you sleeping? Eating? How is your baby doing? I know there is a lot to deal with and process. I have a friend who is a grief counselor, and I remember after our D-Day she helped my BH and me a lot, reminding us that processing this kind of blow does take time for most emotionally normal people. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Your first priorities by leaps and bounds are you and your children.