Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
R
RWD Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 2,580
Eric,
HPK & Hold have some good points. I "learned" from my x not to speak about my work because if I had a complaint or gripe she took it that I was going to be fired. So I just never brought it up anymore and she never asked. When she left, she said it was because I wouldn't discuss things with her.

You need to ask yourself, how will your w take the news, is she pessimistic? Supportive? I think this would be the key to talking with her.

It's alright to have doubts, everyone does at one time or another. Its how you react? Do you buck up and over come or do you withdraw and surrender??

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,042
Hi Eric,

It really depends on where you're coming from. If you are typically stoic, then such admissions could be very welcome by a Wife. But if you tend to go on and on about every little worry and want to delve into your feellings daily, it could get very old. Which would you say is more like the way you are?

I didn’t read all the responses, but I have to say I'd be a little bothered by an H who seemed so emotionally insecure. Not that I wouldn’t want him to tell me, but it would worry me, do you see the difference?

Some of us with active imaginations (me included) need to carefully sort our musings as relevant or not. Is it real enough to get the S worried about? I've worried that H is going to run off with a Denny's waitress, but not really, so why make him think I'm paranoid? You know what I mean?

It's nice to say you miss her. Alot. But instead of possibly worrying her by getting dramatic on the phone, why not SHOW her by cleaning the house, or having flowers and champagne ready when she returns? That shows you were thinking about her, but doesn’t put your burden on her. It would make her happy as opposed to worried, and that is what you really want. See the difference?

I do like a strong man, and a man who can open up to only me. But a whiner would send me running after the 1st date. Just me - Dru

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 774
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 774
A little late to this thread, but the story of my life.. latebloomer. I was drawn to this, though, because I am a W and Honesty and Openness is my #1 EN. My H claims tho, that I make this hard because I invalidate his feelings, when really i am just trying to have a discussion about where those feelings come from. Still, I am trying to be more careful about my responses.

I am with those here that say "Tell her", but be careful. Just from my own experience, I WANT my H to share a lot more, but not to make me feel guilty - he really is good at THAT-. And I agree with whoever said to be careful not to instill doubts. You don't want her to feel that either of you made a mistake, just that you are HUMAN, with human doubts and insecurities. I have to admit that some of our probs are from my insecurities, as well as his. I wish that we could figure out how to share these and introduce them healthily into the problem-solving! I hope that you can do better in this situation than me and my H.

Anyhow, enuf rambling, I really think that you should find a "safe haven" and tell her how you truly feel. Try to get across that these are merlot ramblings in a way, and not necessarily over-riding thoughts all the time, but they are there sometimes, nonetheless. AND, how much you appreciate that she loves you in spite of your human failings, or thoughts of insecurities.

I think that most people go through a period or two when they aren't sure that they are "Good enough" for their significant other. Just don't use it as an excuse for anything. Or to blame. Being introspective and deep is nothing to be ashamed of, that's for sure.

JMHO,
jls

Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 334 guests, and 47 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Media Pract, amandawilli, Rachael Tilda, Aidenjohansoon, Dynamiq
71,907 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 11/30/24 12:55 AM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Really Struggling
by BrainHurts - 11/15/24 03:48 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,618
Posts2,323,471
Members71,908
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5