EC,
I do wonder about something here: What would your marriage have looked like if you spent the time texting your wife, sending her flowers and gifts, sexy emails, leaving her notes, and Facebooking her - instead of investing that time in some ordinary woman? Had you invested the time romancing your wife, where would your marriage be right now? Had you talked about the feelings you were having, with your WIFE, as openly as you had with the OW.....imagine where you might be right now.
SB
SB - I've had these thoughts many times before my BW returned. She has also asked me these same things after her return. It is sad, really, that something so obvious was missed. The investment in the A was such a waste. A little bit of time would have been magical for my M. Both my BW and I needed what is found at MB and needed it before the A. But, we are working toward that better M, stronger than before and with boundaries in place.
My BW told our kids that she believed that things would be the toughest in months 4-6 after her return. That in the first few months, we would be totally focused on each other and despite the inevitable ups/downs, would actually weather that period easier. In months 4-6, things get back to normal, routine as some say, and therin lies the big challenge.
We have discussed at length and although we don't know the future, we both know that we love each other dearly and hope and pray that during the first few months we are able to developed new "habits" so that our "routine" is meeting each other's EN. And, thus, months 4-6 and beyond are even better than the first few months.
EC
