As for the 2nd life...it's possible, but it has to be almost entirely cyber. He is home every day after work. Is at home all weekend long. I suppose he could be doing stuff while at work - lunch breaks or whatnot, but it would be difficult. He doesn't even drive to the office as it is an hour into the city and he takes a bus there. His car is parked in a lot 5 min. from our house. I've checked to make sure it is actually there during the day various times. His paychecks reflect the correct amount of hours for when he is gone.

I have never even been to his office since it's so far away. I think I pretty much answered the other questions in that the car is not really a good intel prospect.

As for the OW, I'm sure she is out of state because of her phone # and the company she works for both match a state quite a ways from here. How he got into this, I do not know.

He has not come clean with any info. I have not demanded that info yet - but am planning on doing so, if he wants to stay in the house. As I've stated, I just want to make sure I am emotionally better prepared for that - later this week, perhaps.

Is he on his work computer at home?

I guess through all of this what I'm saying is that I am not in the greatest position from an intel perspective!

He works over an hour away. I know no one at his office. They are a bunch of men anyway, who probably wouldn't care if he is having an affair, PA OR EA. For that matter, it could be he's made me out to be a shrew and they'd think him justified.

He drives 5 min. to the bus stop and home from the bus stop. Time in car is limited. If he goes anywhere other than work, one of the boys or myself is with him most of the time.

The only affair tool he really has is his computer and his blackberry. Obviously I found out via his blackberry. However, I apparently made a mistake. I thought I'd forwarded the emails to myself. Apparently they did not go through! I don't know why. I forwarded them from his phone to me, then deleted my sent msgs off his phone. (Of course, he doesn't have to know that. He knows I read them and I could bluff and say I have them saved.)

Do you know her name? Is she married?

And it doesn't matter if she is out of state. Do they have cars, boats and planes in her state?

No... he rarely gets out his laptop at home. He doesn't even bring it home a lot of the time. Of course, he has his Blackberry.

Well, I know her first name, not her last. I know the name of her company. I didn't memorize it because I thought I had the forwarded emails. :-( Still have no clue why those did not go through!

And yes, lol, I'm sure they have all of those modes of transportation in her state. However, they would have to hook up during working hours since he is always home...or mostly, anyway.

OH..as for him wanting recovery and therefore being willing to give me all the requested info about the affair, as I have said: he is still in Withdrawal and therefore, not "wanting" recovery. He doesn't appear to want me to force him out either, however.

I guess you are just out of luck.

Also...it doesn't sound like she is married, but geez... he doesn't "sound" married either in these emails!

I've thought about trying to contact her myself and letting her know he definitely IS married...with 3 children! Is that exposure??? LOL

I would call her but first find out if she is married. Go look up her name in the white pages and see if there is a husband is listed.

And yes, I would call her and tell her your H is married and ask her what she is doing with your husband. Tell her you found about them and you want to hear her side of it.

I would also tell you children all his affairs and that he wants to abandon the family to pursue his affairs.

Does he use the home computer on the weekends? What about when you are gone?

Also, see if you can find her on facebook!

I know... it really does appear that I'm out of luck. That's why I said the only way I can get to the truth is by asking him for full transparency. If he is not willing to do that, the answer is he is not willing to give anything up, right???

SO...the only thing I have is the knowledge of what I read and he knows I've read it. I can bluff with saying I have this info - that I forwarded it to myself from his phone. That's about it.

I can expose to the kids.

Did you see my subsequent posts?

Does he use the computer at home?

Can you go look up the OW in the white pages to see if there is man listed?

Can you find her facebook page?

And you likely won't get too far there.

We don't have a home (desktop) computer because all of us (kids included) have our own laptops.

I will look her up on FB/white pages - if I can remember that dang last name! (or get his phone again)

I will tell the kids. S16 will be PISSED and say something to him. He got into with H when he found out the first time. When do I tell them? Before or after I ask him for transparency, etc...?

Here's my plan of action as I see it:

1. see if I can get more info on her/contact her, etc...
2. If so, do as you said above (call her or whatever)
(Meanwhile, wait on saying anything to H or kids)
3. If no info, ask H for full transparency and access to phone and laptop...passwords for email, etc...
4. If he says yes to #3, proceed with marriage building tactics: questionaires, mtg needs, avoiding LB's, etc... and continue with Plan A.
5. If he says no, expose to kids and tell him it's time for him to leave.

You may be right about me not getting anywhere with asking him for transparency. That's why I have #5 above! I'm prepared for it at this point.

Of course, he may agree to it and just go further underground... I can have full passwords but he could just make up some random email address that I have no knowledge of, for instance. (But...if I had access to his laptop and installed a keylogger - I could find that out, right?)

The only thing missing from this plan is the first critical step: the truth. This boat is going nowhere until you get the truth. He can be transparent, but that doesn't help you know the truth about his affairs.

So he doesn't go on the computer at home?

Was his last OW married?

Yeah...but other than the emails I already read, there's no way of getting to the truth unless he discloses it. Of course, I'm not really counting on getting the truth out of him.

Nope - no home computer at all.

I don't know if the last OW was married or not.

I could try getting his phone again while he's sleeping...but I have to assume he now knows to delete anything incriminating.

I gotcha! I missed that and I agree about asking him to leave. You will die a death of a thousand cuts otherwise. It will be hell.

Where in Texas are you? I am down in Houston. We have lots of Texans here.