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If you're new and didn't already know, Dr. H's radio program is broadcast free on MB radio. The show is live from 1-2 pm Central Time during the week, then re-broadcasts every hour till the next show.  Also, look for Mr. and Mrs. H soon on oneplace.com .
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Atena is on the show today talking to Dr Harley. [listen for her beautiful Italian accent!] You can listen to the rebroadcast of Friday's show until the next show on Monday.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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 Hi Atena!!!!!!!!!!!!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Glad you had a chance to hear it!
atena
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Its on right now! I love your voice, Atena..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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On that show, Dr. H explained something I've mentioned on here and had questions about, and that is the need (or lack of it) for an apology to have a successful R.
Dr. H clarified that he generally does not see a successful R if the ~WH~ does not come, hat in hand, with an apology.
However, for WW's, the dynamic is different and apologies are often much longer in coming, if they come at all. Many WW's tend to be less willing to initially take responsibility for their A (the fine FWW's on here making a resounding exception), so in that case the work of R can still begin, even without the apology.
WH = Apology needed
WW = Apology good, but not necessary
Very interesting, this different dynamic between the sexes as they go through R.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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WH = Apology needed
WW = Apology good, but not necessary that really is interesting Neak, and something to look out for for sure. 
Last edited by Scotland; 10/10/10 04:11 PM. Reason: fix quote
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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While going on another show, I forget which one but you can always listen and get the details, Dr. H met an author who had spoken to 600 WW's and FWW's. Every single one of them TOTALLY blamed their BH for their A, and refused to take personal responsibility for it.
With those kind of odds, you can see why Dr. H would want to focus on affair-proofing the M and making $LB deposits right off the bat, instead of waiting for the entitlement to hopefully fade.
WH's are different, and Dr. H just didn't see the same type of successful recoveries with them, unless they were remorseful enough to apologize, and unless they really understood what kind of pain they had caused their BW.
Fascinating!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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WH's are different, and Dr. H just didn't see the same type of successful recoveries with them, unless they were remorseful enough to apologize, and unless they really understood what kind of pain they had caused their BW. Was he saying that WWs do not apologise, but if they go back to the marriage, recovery is still more likely to be successful? WHs, however, might go back to the marriage but this is not successful as often? There is only success if he "gets it", which happens less often than for the wives who do not even apologise? Do you see what I'm asking? I can tell that I sound very muddled.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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The way that I understood what Neak was saying was that a WW was unlikely to come back to the marriage remorseful and apologetic, but that it is still possible to recover. A WH OTOH, who comes back unremorseful would most likely lead to a FR. At least that's what I got from it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Yes, that's what Dr. H said.
He also seemed pretty sure about affairs ending within 2 years. I did not have time to ask him why so many actually go past the 2 year mark. Many go strong for years
blessing
atena
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Thanks, Scottie.
There are some interesting comments on the broadcast on DoormatNoMore's thread in recovery, if anyone wants to take a look.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Yep, what Scotty said was my understanding of it, too.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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