Worth noting (from the OP's first post relating to his previous M):

So...you had the similar issues in your first marriage, being unhappy with the way that your W raises her children and in general being unhappy with your stepchildren.

neusch, just some food for thought:
Is it possible YOU have unreasonable expectations as a parent? I believe you said your only child is an infant, so you don't have the benefit of experience of raising your own children yet.

And as others have alluded to, it sounds like MOST of the complaints you listed about this child are related to him having special needs [I think you admitted this], not related to needing his mother to be a better disciplinarian...

I don't think we are dealing with a person for whom English is the primary language.

So I'm not sure how much stock you can put in the words as they may not translate well into English.

Now why didn't I think to go back and look at some of Neusch's posts from many years ago.

Apparently, issues with step children are not new to him:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=182475&page=1

Different issues, yes, but there is a track record of problems.

This is also apparently his third marriage, which doesn't bode well either.

Yep, maybe some folks simply are not meant to be around children.

I do have to wonder why folks who are not good around children choose spouses who already have children.

Of course, I have to wonder why the ones with children choose spouses who are not good with children either.

It all just leaves me scratching my head at times, at both sides of the equation.

I agree with this. Any normal, caring person would be angered at such meaness and thoughtlessness of his child and protect him from such a person. I would never allow anyone to treat my child that way. I was joking about the pistol, but NOT about escorting him to the door. I would protect my child first.

For either of them. After all, she has three different "baby daddies" so one cannot put all the blame on him.

At the very least, they each chose one another. The question is, will they choose to work together, or continue to attack one another.

I still wonder if he really means 2nd re-marriage or second marriage. I suspect a language issue, but I could be wrong.

Something seems odd about his English and some of the phrasing and word choices indicate this is not his first language.

In his earlier posts several years ago, he talks about problems with his first ex-wife while discussing problems with the current wife (the ex he mentions in his first post in this thread). So, that makes at least 3 marriages.

Apparently, he also had discipline issues with the step children in his previous marriage as well:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=177106&page=1

Given his track record, and the fact that he seems to have jealousy issues involving step-children in general, I wouldn't hold out much hope for the survival of his current marriage.

oh sheesh! GROUND HOG DAY!!

This is the kind of thread that worries me about possibly re-marrying. When I first read page one, my first thoughts were that:

1. How do we know he (or she) is not having an affair and using this on-going problem as an excuse to end the marriage.

2. Even when a child misbehaves, AOs aren't called for. This, I hate to admit, is something *I* had to learn when I first became a parent. I would get so angry. But I had to learn that no one came *make* me have an angry outburst. As an adult, I (should) have the ability to control myself not matter how angry.

3. Each child is different, and we need to tailor the lessons we teach them to their individual personalities. If this child is, indeed, soft and sensitive, berating them for not being more "manly" isn't going to help them develop the toughness I suspect this stepfather is looking for.

The OP hasn't returned, so my thoughts might be OBE...but I'd thought they might help someone else who stumbles upon this thread.

I just read page one today.

Move in between then each will have a 1 h 15 m commute, together every day.

You'll never be this kids dad, he's lived without you and in his mind does not need you to tell him what to do.

This kid needs to be respectful. You can only request this not force it. I have seen this too many times where the W takes the son's side over the new H.

Is it that guy's want to get laid so bad they ignore the step childen mine field?

This is an issue that needed to be done before the marriage,

Same way with moving between the jobs before getting married to avoid separation.

What exactly are these stepchildren doing that create problems? No one asked this question. They maybe are doing 100 things to create problems that we do not know about and could possibly give NEU... advice on.

Just butting in here with my own experience. It may have some relevance to this discussion.

My XWW had three kids by two previous husbands. When she divorced H number 3, he got custody (he adopted the first). That was a I saw and ignored; she had great excuses as to why she didn't get custody.

But when the kids came to visit during her allotted visitation, she was adamant that discipline was her duty and responsibility -- that I was to lay off and only impose discipline when she was absent.

The problem was that she never disciplined them! And when I would talk to her about it (perhaps using some DJ -- it was MY house, I paid the bills, I expected certain behaviors, such as picking up wet towels, etc.) she would get very angry and irrational about the subject.

It really became a wedge. Her kids stole from my daughter, left their rooms a mess (which neither of us would clean up afterwards), did no chores around the house, and were treated by her more like pets than children.

So I grew to resent them.

I couldn't win. She harped on me for not being "loving" toward them. When I threw a football with her son, I "threw too hard." There was nothing I could do to win their favor, despite my taking the family out to dinner, on vacation, bought them gifts for Christmas and birthdays, and so on.

Eventually, I retreated. The weekends they came over found me spending most of my time in my home office. I let them have their "family time" together without me, as I was made to feel like an outsider in my own home!

So now they're all gone. Her XH still has custody, she's gone off the charts (changing her name, etc.) and probably still treats her kids as pets every other weekend when she gets to see them.

I'm done with it all.