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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
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Joined: Jul 2005
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Gineva... What do you mean you are thinking about going out and doing to your husband what he has done to you - you've ALREADY done that! On 11/18/2008 you posted this: HI Chuck,
I know how you feel.
I found out my husband had 3 affairs, one 5 years ago, the other two between 06 and o7...really sucks.
So, now...supposedly he has none since, and says he "wants to grow old with me. Whatever. I am deeply disgusted.
We tried marriage counseling, he went 2x...didn't like it...psychologist told me he is a deeply disturbed individual. Great.
Now, though, the problem is....I have had 4 affairs since finding out about his 3! Thought I'd up the ante....he is pissed, but, tough you know what. Get a taste of his own medicine.
I am not saying to try this, but, makes one feel better, knowing we are wanted by others too...but, does become a bit messy...whatever. Also feels good to see them hurt the same way they hurt us...
Best and God Bless,
Gineva So Gineva, what is your plan? Surely it's not to come here and BRAG about your own adultery, right? And tell me, of the 4 affairs you had had as of 2008 - were any of those men married? Did you do this to another woman, or maybe several women, Gineva?  Have you had more affairs since you posted that in 2008? What do you hope to gain from posting here? What can we help you with? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Good grief.... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 208
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Joined: May 2010
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Gineva, I COMPLETELY GET what you're saying. Though, I haven't EVER cheated on my husband...he often THOUGHT that I did (prior to having his). That's a very complicated deal, (and he's a horrible jealous type), but we have since reached an understanding about it (after years of him thinking I had, or was). Regardless,...I am in the heat of the hurt, only two months after the "end" of the affair that went back and forth -- on-off, lies, upon lies to me, with him being torn, etc. The things I saw him write to her or her to him tears me up (and he claims it was all lies to her...ha! I don't buy it -- he was lying to BOTH of us IMO),.... and the thought of giving to his needs right now makes me want to scream! Feels ridiculous and not being good to myself. It's that whole taker thing, I know. I was loving, loyal, and giving...at what price? Where did it really get me?! He was a HUGE cake eater! That's what hurts more than anything.
The place I'm at right now with it is to just be good to myself....and my kids. See the value and confidence and strength that I have...and I'm capable of. Whether or not he wants to be to me,...or is capable of it. I have to be positive and strong either way it goes....and he's pretty wobbly at this point. If I show him too much of my angst, resentment, or fear (which I do, indeed, have A LOT of!)...but there's nothing I can do to change him...I have no control over his feelings or doings,...I only have control over where I go and what I do with it. It does me no good to tell him how I feel,....only makes him feel guilty....and, I have discovered NOBODY else wants to hear it from me, either. And...as much as it hurts and I hate it,....I DO NOT want this to define me!
Just felt like sharing that. I'm with you. Stay strong. Okay...onto to better things. * smiles *
BW
m:19y, 2kids
PA/EA, 2 FR's, 2x sep, D on hold
DD#3 AUG 2010
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,235
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Geneva, please get divorced and then you can have all the lovers you want and you will hurt no one.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,738
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Multiple affairs on his part.
Sounds like he's having one right now, too.
Multiple affairs on your part.
Doesn't matter "who went first".
You guys have @^#&^ed over your marriage. In the case of just one serial adulterer, it's incredibly difficult to recover the marriage. Two serial adulterers living under the same roof and married to one another?
Look, there's hope for your marriage. Go buy the online course together -- he does well, you can afford it, right? -- do the coursework, and learn how to actually be married. Call the Harleys, they are totally worth the $200 an hour, and get some personalized advice. All of that will be much, much less expensive than a divorce.
Given your affairs, it makes perfect sense why you don't feel like your marriage is worth it. Contrast Effect is at play, and compared to the excitement of your several lovers, your spouse has nothing. And plenty of reason to resent him for his multiple affairs, too, as he has plenty of reason to resent you for your multiple affairs. All waywards feel this way. It's nothing special, and completely predictable considering how the two of you handled your husbands affairs: doing nothing to give just compensation, put in no safeguards against future affairs, and carrying out revenge affairs.
If you choose to save it, you've got a tough row to hoe. Get an intervention with the Harleys NOW and you might have a chance.
If you choose to abandon it, you've got an even tougher row to hoe. Get a lawyer NOW and prepare to go live your own life.
Pick your poison.
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