I would say that you should contact OWH and anyone else who can influence her, such as Facebook friends and family. Expose this thing far and wide.

I'm doing so...but no luck yet. Absolutely no luck with OWH. I can send him a written letter to the address on file but that's about it, it seems.

Are you going to send it registered and ensure that HE receives it? OW may intercept it and then he wouldn't know.

I take it you've googled this man for a workplace email address?

My work email is posted for the world to see, and there is nothing I can do about the company's policy, which I hate. So is my H's email posted, so is his (ex) OW's, and SO IS HER H's. That is how I made contact with him.

A lot of companies have web pages with email publicity for even junior staff.

Another thing I found is that company documents are sometimes carelessly posted on the web. I found OWs home address and landline details through the minutes of a meeting she attended, and I have read some very boring reports that her H wrote for his company. They meant nothing to me - but they had his work email and phone number linked.

Yes...I will do that Scot!

Sugar: I have tried and tried - nothing. I do not believe OWH is the office type. I know the company she works for but again, nothing on him and that's what I need!

Don't be shocked if you get NO RESPONSE from the other side whatsoever.

Again...this is YOUR plan. His (their) response is not necessary.

Most Waywards go nuts and try to say things like "this is the last straw" or they call you and try to tell you how much of a mistake/miscalculation you've made. Often the contact is some form or manipulation to try to get you to stop broadcasting their deeds further.

On the other hand...some waywards TRY to act above it all. They curl up in their little affair-world and try to ignore you hoping not to give you what they think is your desired response. They MAY also run around trying to put up a defense to others that you exposed to or flat out lie about you ("see---I told you she was nuts", she's having an affair with XYZ" and/or "she's lying...ow and I are just friends").

I forget the term we use around here but remember that affairs thrive in secrecy whereas once they see the light of day it is very often the beginning of the end. Waywards sense "the end" (or at least a dramatic shift in their relationship...it's no longer seductively secret) and in response they SOMETIMES end up seemingly getting closer temporarily. They take on an "us against the world" mentality and ATTEMPT to assure it's other that their relationship is real. Since they are both so insecure (they are both giving up a lot to pursue this)...it takes A LOT of effort to pull this off (which is one of the reasons exposure works because they CAN'T overcome the insecurity of a relationship built upon lies and the destruction of other persons).

Sometimes it has appeared that exposure pushes the affairee's closer together. Don't be fooled by appearances. Trust your plan and stick to it....you are doing great.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks, Mr. W. that's reassuring. I feel I am doing the best possible thing to save my marriage. If it works, great. If it doesn't, H is truly not a man I want to be married to anymore anyway. As much as it hurts, even my kids agree.

I do feel awfully sad that even as I accept that, it means a life of H3LL in a lot of ways for me and my children in various ways: financially, broken home, having to try to repair the damage H has modeled to the 3 of them...

I just got a text from H saying, "Please stop hurting children." What the heck????

Text him back and say "the children are very hurt by your affair with OWH's[put the OWH's name here] WIFE"

I'm wondering if this has something to do with the exposure because he didn't say please stop hurting THE children or OUR children, just "please stop hurting children". So, maybe he and OW have heard of my facebook exposures and have now decided I am hurting children. ???

I just didn't respond esp. since he may just be venting because he's mad about exposure.

Of course he's mad.

He's mad his fantasy was blown to bits.

Your marriage can survive his anger but not his affair.

Does OW have children? Maybe it's her children he is talking about, so he doesn't want to say "her" children?

I thought about that too, Karma because yes, she does.

Now he wants to meet tomorrow to discuss finances, living arrangements, the future of our kids.... I said I needed time for consideration before making decisions on these things and if something is urgent, put it in an email. He responded, "Everything is important. Everything is urgent." So...I responded... "Then put it in an email, please."

OK: new message from H. This is definitely over the exposure. He wrote something like, "Be careful you do not expose us to legal action with your attacks. I know you feel the need to get back at the world but you need to not cause further damage to our future efforts of parenting the kids. Please seek some counseling rather than lashing out..." or something like that.

SOOO...someone somewhere has seen the exposure msg! Don't know if it has gotten to her H yet, but obviously OW now knows.

That is just his trying to appeal to you to stop the exposure.

YOU are the one lashing out? Pardon me while I

He's trying to cover his butt and do damage control now that his putrid affair has been exposed to the light of day.

Like Count Dracula, it's burning when exposed to light of day.

One of the more experienced members can tell you if this is a good idea. I would suggest the reverse street directory. You can put in the address on the house on either side of her's and possibly come up with a neighbor and/or her house phone number.

If he says something like that again, just tell him: I am fighting for our marriage.

Keep saying it.

Like (what was her name?) from Finding Nemo who kept repeating the address of where Nemo was being kept in her mind, by repeating it over and over.

I just didn't reply since I didn't know what to say. I knew it was a load of crap....so I was tempted to say something, but I didn't. I'm responding to some texts, but not all.

I wanted to say, "You should've thought about the effects on others BEFORE you started an affair!"

Just respond with: I am fighting for our marriage.

That's it. That way he can't spin anything you say as crazy.