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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164 |
This morning when he tried to meet my need I had figured that it was because he had been watching porn (he claims it was not and that he was just trying to meet my need). Do you see the disrespectful judgement here? You attributed a motive to his initiation of SF. WHAT IF he was simply trying to meet your #1 need?
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 72
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 72 |
I was... Don't know what else I can do other than try. She is worth the effort. We have surviving an affair on the way from ebay, we're going to read it together and I'm sure help a bit our current situation.
I love you Bean Dip, sorry I made you feel unhappy.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574 Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574 Likes: 1 |
I look forward to when instead of blaming one another for the issues, you look at it as a joint problem you both have, to be resolved together.
What would it take for the screaming to stop today? How about writing on the calendar "Day one of no screaming" and then put some happy thing each day, to reinforce your goal daily? Talking to your friends and family about your goal, to stop screaming? Hanging out with respectful folks, so you can start to blend in together that way? Getting the book Love Busters, there are end of the chapter exercises for Angry Outbursts.
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 715
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 715 |
What are you going to do so he doesn't get all frustrated? Seems to me that if he doesn't initiate sex you get angry because he's not attracted to you. And if he does initiate sex you are angry because you think he's attracted to someone else (porn). So when exactly do you make him HAPPY to have sex with you? It doesn't seem that HE's the problem so much as your ATTITUDE is.
3rd marriage to an awesome wonderful man since 2008.
3 children from first marriage, ages 16, 18, 20
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 734
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 734 |
I would not be willing to have sf with my husband if he had just been watching porn to get aroused first either. This is something you'll have to work out, marriage builders would consider the porn to be a problem that should be eliminated in order to have a successful passionate relationship.
I don't have time to think out a proper reply to that bit but wanted to reply to him complaining about you being hard to please, remember you're only really young. Sexual response in women takes time to mature and at 23 I was pretty hard to please too. At 31, I easily get much much more pleasure in less than a 1/4 of the time and much more reliably than when I was your age.
Me: 32
H: 35
Married 9 years, together 12.
Two little girls, 7 and 3.
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hello
by Woodham - 09/22/25 03:47 PM
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