I cannot find the other mans wife, because I do not know her name. I only know his name, and I've searched for info on him to no avail. They live on the other side of the country, and I know nothing other than a name.

As far as the military goes, adultery is indeed frowned upon, but it has to have a mission impact for action to be taken. Ie. She has to be cheating on me, with someone that I work with. I've looked into the AF regulation on that one.

Well I just told her mom. We talked for about 45 minutes, and she was really shocked. She believed me, but isn't going to bring it up with my wife because to quote her "She'll just get mad at me."

Alright, now what?

Spying 101

You need to continue exposure. Fast.

Have you exposed to all of her friends on Facebook telling them your W is involved in an adulterous affair and asking for their help in supporting your M?

Have you written a letter to the OM advising him that if he does not stop contact with your W you will have him called as a material witness under oath to testify about his actions with your wife if your M proceeds to a divorce? Yes, you can.

Jim

Alright, two questions.

What do I tell all her facebook friends? Thats pretty much every single person she knows.

Then when do I tell her after I do that?

there is a template exposure letter here on MP melody always has the best template to send.

As for telling her...DON'T!! When she calls screaming and yelling keep repeating "I am only doing this to save our marriage." nothing else, don't explain NOTHING.

Hello Woot,

First you make acopy of EVERY facebook friend she has because it will no longer be available after you expose.

There are several posts on facebook exposure on MB.

I would say something like this:

Dear __________, I would like to ask you to support ___________
and myself in restoring our marriage which currently is
undergoing an extremely difficult time due to ____________ and _________________ being involved in an adulterous affair which is affecting our marriage and both of our physical and mental health. I know you care about ____________ and want only the best for her which clearly being used in an adulterous affair is not. I would like to ask your help in recommending marital counseling to her to guide us through this difficult spot in our marriage. My phone # is xxx-xxx-xxxx if you have any questions or need more information. Thank you. _______________


Remember that you send this INDIVIDUALLY in a private message to EACH and EVERY friend.

You can tell if it worked by how ticked off she is, the madder

the better!!!

Just let the dust settle and don't engage her during her anger.

If she is really mad it was really effective in ending the

affair. That's when you have a chance at saving your M.

God bless.

Jim

Well, last night we chatted again on AIM. She posted something on FB saying: "I do know what I don't want, I don't know what I do want."

I asked her about it, and her answer was "truthfully, I don't want to be married anymore." "I don't have many friends here, so I've had a lot of time to think about it." "because of how it's been and i know that even if it changed i wouldn't want it" "it isn't worth it to me anymore"

She has not talked to anyone about it, and said she doesn't want to. She just wants to come back home, then move back east and go to med school. She said she made her mind up a long time ago.

I got zero sleep, but resolved to expose everything to everyone. I'm not looking for false hope, but is there any hope? Do I actually have a chance at this? Or is it pretty much gone?

Hello Woot,

Keep reading here. We ALL wondered about the chances of success

when we started doing MB...

As long as YOU are fighting for the M you have a good chance of

recovering your M.

Read all you can on MB concepts and for encouragement read

some of the success stories that Ace has posted.

Just remember that ALL of the WS say the same thing in the beginning...

"it's too late, there's no hope, if you had ONLY did this or not that, blah, blah, blah...."

If she wanted a divorce she would have already filed...she wants what they all want...have her cake and eat it too..

Get busy on your exposure and then come here and post for the next steps in recovering your M. The people here are the best friends you will ever know.

Jim

Well its been exposed, and I got this in the email:

"Maybe you shouldn't have told them because I asked you not to. Or maybe because you said you wouldn't. But when have you ever kept your word about anything?
James, if I had even just been entertaining the thought of trying to make this work you just ruined it.
I'm going to start filing my paperwork next week. "

Yeah, I know its what was "expected" but it still hurts and is really scary. I know ya'll will say otherwise, but I'm scared she is serious.

Typical.



Fear is not a tool you can use.
Fear will not help restore your marriage.

Have you read the thread about fear written by Star*Fish?
I'm going to bump it for you.
READ IT.
COPY it and carry it with you.

LINK

Oh Woot,

You really need to listen to the folks here and especially Pep. She is questioning YOUR integrity? Isn't that a bit rich? I mean she is the liar and cheater right, and you just told the truth.

Further, if she thinks what she did was so right, why is she hiding it, and if she doesn't why did she do it?

This could go on, but you would much rather have her in a state of conflict than withdrawal, so hang in there. If you were to read here enough you would find WORD FOR WORD those exact comments from every WS that is exposed.

Keep your head up, and your face turned into the wind, you got work to do, this is not over yet.

God Bless,

JL

Standard WW response after exposure. This outburst of anger shows the effectiveness of exposure.

This is why WS threaten all kinds of stuff post exposure. They want to make their BS to afraid to continue exposing the affair.

I'm just stating the fear that I feel, it's easy to sit back and say don't worry. But doing so is another thing. I need to figure out what to do next, how do I re establish communication. We have 4 months before she gets back. I feel like I need a plan of attack.

Where do I go from here? Off to searching for stuff i go.

Woot,

What you do is let exposure settle in a bit. Just "be" for a bit and let this rattle around for awhile. This is not over by a long shot. As for easy to give advice, yes it is because it is consistent with and exactly what a man that has counseled couples for many decades strongly recommends and it works. So yes it is easy, and it should be simple for you to do it as well. It will be handling the fallout that is hard.

You do know there is a difference between simple and easy don't you?

Hang in there.

JL

Use the time to learn about plan A. Then after things calm down avoid relationship talks, recovery talks, affair talks, and don't educate her, but slowly use emails to show WW the new improved you and get her to doubt her decision to leave the marriage.

The advice to sit and wait is not easy as in no effort has to be exerted. Rather easy as in simple to do/no complex instructions to follow, sit and wait for exposure to have it's effect.

Yea, I've read all about plan A and B. My own personal counselors had me pretty much doing that already. Just being the positive fun guy she fell in love with, then just demonstrate the changes I've made without bringing up negative stuff or trying to force anything upon her.

How long is the normal wait after exposure for communication to resume? Remember she is deployed, so I'm limited to sending her letter and emails. 2 weeks, a month?

I plan on doing "plan a" for sixth months after she gets back. I feel like we can't really begin to recover until she returns home in April. Hopefully she won't arrive with plane tickets in hand. So that makes plan a end about 10 months from now.

And sorry for not quoting you, posting from my phone, but to whoever said "do you understand the difference between simple and easy?"

Yes, I do understand.

I said it but have to admit I read it somewhere else recently. So I'm not the smart one. Only the plagiariser.

This might sound weird. But I'm in a better mood after I told people. Yea, she's angry and pissed at me, but overall I'm happier. I can't quite tell why this is, since her being furious with me is the exact opposite of what I want. But it does feel kind of like a relief. Now this dark secret is something I can talk about to more than just her, since that's the last person I want to talk to about it.

Now I guess the waiting game starts. Ugh.

How long does her anger usually last? I got some feedback today from a friend that she is saying some pretty harsh things about our marriage.

To the point that my friend even asked if I wanted to hear them. He'll tell me later tonight.

But how long should this last?
How do I re-establish communication after I wait that long?