I'm not sure getting up early in the morning would be okay with my H either. He basically gets up 10 minutes before he leaves, throws his clothes on, brushes his teeth, and is out the door. He already gets up in the middle of the night and has to start work long before the sun is up. I don't think he would be very enthusiastic about getting up even earlier.

Inrecovery: Thank you for the ideas. I'll have to look into them. My grocery bill is pretty low now with coupons and the discount store. I have looked at Angel Food Ministries, but they don't seem much cheaper than what I'm paying now.

writer, has your husband considered changing jobs to something closer? Have you guys considered moving?

YES! YES! YES!

We want to move away from CA so badly that it isn't even funny. My H has sent out literally 100's of resumes to just about every part of the country. But jobs are slim picking right now, and a lot of companies don't want to bother with you if you aren't already in the area and able to come in for an interview. He has had a few phone interviews and a job offer here and there, but nothing that would pay enough for us to live off of. Unfortunately, he works in customer service, which isn't very high paying, and he doesn't have any specialized skills that are in high demand. He would like to go back to school. He's been looking into IT and wants to take some courses in CISCO, but it's going to take awhile to get through a program, so not an immediate solution to the problem.

Writer, I feel for you because my baby was one of those who woke every morning at 4:30 and wouldn't go to sleep until 10ish. Now 5 he wakes up between 5:30-7 and that's IF I keep him up til 8:30-9. Even then he's not "sleepy" but he knows the rule is he has to stay in bed for at least a half an hour. Usually, not always, he is asleep in half an hour. Sometimes he still wakes at 4:30. And he's not a "put him in front of the TV� so unlike my coworkers, I can�t just set him up with a TV in the other room. It killed me because my friends and coworkers all seem to put their kids down at 6-7pm so when I used to ask how they managed to get alone time they looked at me with blank stares. �We spend time together after we put them down.� He was such a handful (not malicious, but quite mischievous) that none of my friends- whose children were graduating from high school and college and had no more patience for young�uns- wanted to keep him.

And I remember being without hot water (boil it on the stove) without a/c (we like it warm anyway, right) and without a variety of other creature comforts until there was just nothing else left to cut. And we still couldn�t make ends meet.

So I really feel for you.

Here are my tips:

More money: if a job isn�t something you can do from home, maybe you can do what I did to start getting out of debt. I sold stuff. I sold anything I could at yard sales/thrift store/ebay. I found that the base thrift store worked best for me but a friend who didn�t have access to the base did well on ebay. We found bargains and re-sold them. We found deals on ebay and on the two-dollar bag at the thrift store, then turned around and sold them. I made several hundred extra a month on a good month. Some months were only $40-80 if I couldn�t find any good deals to sell.

More time: I�d like to second inrecoverynow�s idea of working somewhere that lets the kids be watched for free. One of our churches does this- my friend works there and her child goes to daycare for free. That�s why she works there. Also like to second Tabby1�s idea of getting up a little earlier. Why not try it and see how you feel after a few weeks? Of course, if your baby is like mine was, and won�t go down for a nap, then you might be scared of being too exhausted. But maybe that time spent with hubby would be worth it and actually lessen your exhaustion in the long run?

Engaging your son: Last suggestion is to schedule regular babysitting time with the 16 yr old. Maybe not 15 hours, but how about 3-4 as a start? You say he does it reluctantly, and I know I personally wouldn�t want to force the issue since money is tight and he probably already feels deprived compared to his peers. And I would hate to take him away from a job making money to babysit and make no money. But on the other hand, my parents didn�t ask me if I wanted to watch my brother and sister. That was part of my job as oldest. I would never saddle one of my children with that on a daily basis, because I honestly did resent being stuck inside every day (even during summer break) to watch them�but once a month? Who is paying for his food, clothes, etc? Sure, other kids don�t have to give up one night a month to watch the baby, but happy parents are worth more than video games with friends (in the long run).

Hope that helps some�

DTC

Why don't both of y'all go back to school? Fill out the fasfa, get pell grants, and get a degree. there are plenty of online programs.

I want to go back to school, but I already have $70,000 in student loan debt. Taking on even more debt is extremely scary. It's hard to imagine a job that would enable me to pay back that kind of money.

oops, just saw the part about him getting up with barely enough time to get out the door! I am like that too. So maybe that won't work for you, LOL!

I originally typed this out and realized it didn�t really apply to the OP (Writer1). I changed my response to her, but decided to post this anyway to benefit someone else who might be reading this thread. I hope that�s ok:

One of the hardest things I did over the last year was interviewing babysitters. I now have 3 young ladies who can watch him for me. I was scared of this at first because of the horror stories I hear (and a few that I lived as a kid) and also because I�m broke. Not facing foreclosure broke like you are, but no real extra income. I had to get over that because as a single military mom with occasional weekend/late night duty in a new base with no friends/family around, I couldn�t afford to be squeamish for long. I was going to have to leave him with someone sometime. It took a few weeks for me to �warm up� to the girls- having them come meet us, me meet their parents, have them come play activities with him, etc before actually leaving him alone with them. During times when I have to have sitters too often, he misses mommy times. But most of the time it�s only once/twice a month and he loves having his �friends� come play. And now I have them come over for work but also just so I can have some alone time (which for you could be UA time).

I know times are tough if you are facing foreclosure, but sometimes I have paid these girls in food (you watch him, I feed you dinner) and in taking them somewhere their parents wouldn�t normally be able to (the one girl has a very sick mother and deployed father so she watches him for a few hours and then I take her to the free whatever downtown with us that her mom just can�t do).

Hope that helps some,
DTC

Daisy: I'm really weird about sleep. I guess not getting any for an entire year will do that to you. I've always had insomnia. What some people don't realize is that insomniacs need as much sleep as everyone else, they just don't get it. I can be very tired, but that doesn't mean I can fall asleep. It's quite frustrating. And our recent financial problems have made the issue worse. I lay in bed for hours every night obsessing over money problems.

My post was eaten or something....anyway...

Writer, have you asked DD19 if she'd watch DD2 for the evening or for an evening and partial day so you and H could go out? DS16 can watch DD2 an hour here and there so you can go out for a cup of coffee, an ice cream or a walk. You may not be able to get multiple days or hours all the time but the hours can add up. Take a shower/bath together after DD2 is down for the night...the dishes can wait.

DD19 lives about an hour away and doesn't have a car, so transportation is an issue. She used to babysit all the time before she went to college. Soon, she'll be leaving for Colorado for the winter to work. I'm going to miss her.

You or H can pick her up, no? She can stay a night and go home the next day.

1) Create a babysitting co-op where you trade babysitting with friends/neighbors

2) Ask a friend/neighbor to help out for the anniv.

3) Go to your house of worship and explain your situation and see if they have anyone who would help out.

My son had a serious bout of insomnia in college - didn't sleep for about 2 weeks. He finally went to the doctor, who suggested supplementing vitamins and minerals that get depleted the fastest when you're under stress: B complex, C, magnesium, not sure what else. My son picked up some StressTabs on his way home. About 15 minutes after he took it, he fell into bed and slept like a rock.

That's not always the answer to insomnia, but it's probably the easiest one to test.

Writer, what do you think about doing daycare in your home? That'd be a fast way to get your mortgage caught up and even paid off early.

Okay, I dug up this old thread of mine because I was reading Opt's UA thread and I didn't want to interrupt that.

But this is still something I struggle with, even after all this time.

OC is 3 1/2 now. She will soon be our only child at home (youngest DS is turning 18 in a few days and will be moving out after lots of issues over the past several years). He has been baby sitting once a week for date night, but even getting him to do that has been a struggle and we still have to pay him.

So, our situation now is this:

1) No family to babysit. Nearest family is over an hour away and the only one remotely able/willing to babysit is my mom, and she will only do so occasionally as she is now on disability and cannot handle a 3-year-old for long periods of time.

2) Still very little money to hire a baby sitter. Our rent recently went up and we now spend almost half our take-home pay on rent for a 2-bedroom apartment (cheapest we could find in the area).

3) No friends/acquaintances in the area with small children we could swap baby sitting with. In fact, I really don't know anyone here at all.

This thread veered off to how I could earn more money. But what I would really like to focus on is how people with young children (under 5) who are not in school yet manage to get the required 15-20 hours of UA time in every week. I can see how it would be possible with lots of family support, or enough money to hire a full time nanny, but what about those who do not have those luxuries?

To me, it just seems impossible to even imagine finding someone to watch our 3-year-old 4 times a week for 4 hours at a time. One of the reasons I stopped posting here almost a year ago was because I was really getting the impression that MB just isn't for people with young children who don't have tons of money or family support for the program. I don't know if that's the impression Dr. Harley wants to give, but it's definitely the impression I got here on the forum.

I would love to hear from people with young children who have successfully worked the MB program while their children were young.

Do you go out on the recommended 4 dates a week? If so, how do you accomplish this? Who provides the daycare for your children while you are on dates? How have you managed to pay for this? If family members provide care for your children while you are on dates, how did you get them onboard with MB?

Most of the people I have told about the program and attempted to get support from in this matter simply think I'm crazy and that I have entirely unrealistic expectations, which has been very frustrating.

For now, I have basically put MB on hold and accepted the fact that it might not be something I am capable of doing until our DD is older. But I'd love to be wrong about that.

We go to the gym 2-3 days a week. Childcare there costs us about $42 a month, and that's for 6 kids. One child would cost less.

We are currently using Care.com to locate a babysitter in our area. You can set the price you're able to pay, and see if anyone responds. There's also a childcare exchange option that I haven't looked into.

I think it was HerPapaBear who said they joined a homeschool coop and would hire homeschool girls to babysit. I'm sure you can find a homeschool group or two in your area that may willing to help you out. Teenage girls wouldn't require as big a payment as a Nanny. You could also advertise at local churches.

You might check into Mom's Day Out programs some local churches may offer.

Lastly, here is a good radio show for you to listen to:
Dr. Harley talks about UA time at home It helped Markos and I immensely.

Another suggestion: Send your post directly to Dr. Harley and see if he will answer on the air.

Another thing to possibly consider: Move. If rent is taking up half your take home pay, you can't afford to live and work where you are.

Thanks for the link Prisca. I just listened to the clip and found it very helpful.

It's good to know that Dr. Harley's stance on the issue of UA time at home isn't as hardline as the opinions I have seen presented on the forum make it out to be. It seems like Dr. Harley makes concessions for those with young children who simply cannot get out of the home 4 times a week for a date, and that's good to know.

We usually get out once or twice a week (at least once). The rest of our UA time really does have to happen at home after our DD is asleep. I really do enjoy this time. My H and I love to play board games. Sometimes we read together. I have always counted this toward our UA time, even though some posters have told me in no uncertain terms that it doesn't count. It seems that Dr. Harley agrees that it counts as well.

I would love to join a gym, but we don't have the money for a membership right now.

I have been on Care.com for awhile, but I haven't gotten many responses thus far. I would love to do an exchange type thing if I could meet other couples with young children. I'm much older than most people with young kids, so that has been an obstacle. We really can't pay much. We paid our son $10 to watch DD for 4-5 hours once a week, but I doubt I would find anyone else who would do it for so little. One problem I have is that we live in a very wealthy area. Most people have so much more money than we do and the teens here aren't likely to understand why someone wouldn't be able to pay them well. Baby sitting jobs here typically pay anywhere from $5-$15 an hour, which would certainly add up quickly.