Can I ask why you won't take steps to make sure it doesn't happen then? Wouldn't it be much simpler to simply affair proof your marriage than end your marriage? I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to go through it again either. But if these steps had been taken months ago, you very likely wouldn't be dealing with this recent contact. Virtually NO steps were taken in the past to affair proof your marriage. That is Recovery 101.

Have you let your H know that NC is a boundary of yours? Have you detailed this means any further texts, calls FB contact, etc?

The keylogger I have seen recommended here is eblaster or spectropro.

Oh Yes SuzieQ he's left with absolutely no doubt that NC means text, FB or contact of any sort. There's only so many Ddays i can take. I'll take a look at those keyloggers, thanks.

MelodyLane, maybe i'm not making myself very clear, In the past after Dday i did take steps such as demanding he should have NC. I had NC. We avoided places where we knew she would be. If he's telling me that hes having NC, other than snooping (which i have done) and asking him every day if he's had any contact (which is just bringing up the A all the time) I can take measures all i like but on the home pc with a keylogger but how can i do anything about his Blackberry? you're making me feel like i've asked for this recent contact. It is impossible to move house so there is no option there.

Bzus, measures to ensure no contact would be to get rid of his blackberry, change the #, etc, delete his facebook page. I was rather astonished reading your post that next to nothing had been done to eliminate contact. These are pretty basic steps in recovery. The first thing is eliminate possible ways of contact. It is not enough to ASK for no contact, steps have to be taken to ensure nc.

Why is it impossible to move? Do you live in a communist dictatorship?

No but i do have very elderly parents that depend on me and i am not about to leave them when they need me, it is my God given responsibility to look after them.

The blackberry is the replacement for his old one and he has a new number. the FB page he was using to contact her has been deleted, he only has a business one so i feel that i have made measures to eliminate contact, shall i stop him leaving the house!

Well, apparently, I care more about this than you do, so I will move onto another thread. Best of luck.

Very harsh! I think not.

Thanks for the keylogger info im going to have a go at setting it up.

Bzus, HOPE will not save your M! You need to take the reins, here. Your WH is an addict and will not be able to accomplish this by himself.

1. Get a keylogger. Today. www.spectorpro.com It's about $100 and worth every single penny. Get the eblaster.

2. Delete his FB account. I am stunned that you would allow him to hoodwink you about not knowing how to block OW. It's harder to set UP a FB account than it is to block someone.

3. Your H and his OW are waywards. Therefore, by definition, they are LIARS. Believe nothing they say. I don't care whose life they swear on - look behind their back and you'll see their crossed fingers.

4. Move. Or move yourself into your parents' house, because you're not going to have a marital home much longer. God would never give you a task concerning your parents if you would lose your M over it. He doesn't work that way. Do you have siblings?

Edit to add: Do NOT tell him if you find something incriminating! Bring it here so we can help you figure out what to do with it.

Don't ask him if there has been contact every day. Just quietly snoop.

You can install flexispy on his BB, which is basically like a keylogger for the phone. Go to their website to see if it will work with your H's model #.

Is he being transparent, meaning is he allowing you to look at his BB at any time and has he given you passwords to all of his email/FB accounts?