In my head I know "one day" will come but somehow it just doesnt seem enough . I am WAY better than I was six months ago but , if I let my shield slip the bruising and hurt show through like glowing neon . I may never understand this but I will always NEED to .That really sucks .

In church today I had a thought .... maybe my WW will never understand just what she has done because her new self with her new brain with its moral or chemical imbalance may not be able to see things as we the betrayed see things . If we dont have the same perspective we will never see things the same .

Your wife IS an alien at this time. She has justified herself in all her activities. Hopefully there is a time when guilt strikes.

At this time I am more worried for your part. Can you do a Plan B?

Ive been trying to do a partial Plan B for some time .I have very limited contact with her. As my (our) one son lives with me and our other son goes back and forth it isnt possible , despite the beliefs of some on this site, to have no contact with her. I use a communication log to communicate with her regarding the kids.

I have been in a funk all week.It started with my young son coming down with a bad cough/cold .I had to deal with thsi alone .That didnt bother me but the fact that as a couple we dealt with many health issues with our younger son, as a team.Now here we were passing him off like a loafof bread when he needed us together to get him well,.That sucks! I ahve also so many conflicting emotions which are 180' apart. My heart wants my children to never speak top their mother again.My head kows that this isnt right and isnt in the best interests fot he children .180 degrees apart ! My need fro female companionship lately has climbed to new heights .I want a female friend but dont want anyone as I dont trust myself or my feelings or judgements ,again 180' apart. I want so badly to be totally independant of anyone but at the same time have a huge need for "someone". again 180' apart /Im a mess !

Well the final draft of our separation agreement arrived on my e-mail today .Yeah .booh , yeah ,booh .What a spinning top I am .Glad it si going to be over .Sad that "it" is going to be over . Financially Im taking a big hit but emotionally I have taken a tactical nuke to the heart . I am so much farther ahead than I was but still I weep .

Yesterday in the communication log, intended for childrens issues, my WW asked that I not tell everyone about our lives as this is personal and confidential. She then went on to remind me that sometime words can come back to kick you in the butt .Not srue what she means by that. I guess she is still trying to get a rise out of me and control me from afar .Not sure .Dont care .

It has now been some time since I was last on this site .I am still taking one day at a time .My young son continues ot go back and forth like a yoyo .My older son has not given in much to his mother's requests for reconcilliation .He has now gone out for lunch with her 3 times and visited her house once in almost 20 months .Both boys are doing well .My older son is excelling in school ,sports and socially .He still has not opened up however even to me about his innermost feelings .This still troubles me . My WW continues to live in "Fog land". I have little contact with her.I cant say I am happy but I am miles ahead of even the last time I logged on .

I know exactly how you feel and in fact SAID that to my ds10 a week ago....I apologized to him later, but it is soooo hard to keep emotions at bay in these situations.



Again know just how you feel. I am lonely, I want attention from a man, but realize I must be careful of jumping into the wrong relationship just because I'm lonely. I try to focus on my son, my family and friends, my faith. It is hard though.

At least my divorce is final and our property is all separated now. I have bought a new house for my son and me...I think everything will be ok eventually...time helps. For me D-day was 14 months ago.

At the risk of sounding trite -time heals. I'm glad that your are in a better spot.

For the first time the OM came with my WW to pick up my younger son . I pretended not to notice him sitting in his vehicle and went about collecting my sons things to send away with him .As I was in the house I heard my older son(14) ask his mother "Why is he here" She paid no attention and tried in vain to divert his question " How ahve you been , what have you been doing ?" He repeated 3 times "Why is he here?" She then gave some meager explanation .He responded with " You disrespect me(Him) by bringing him(the OM) here!" After "they" left I didnt know how to respond to my son .What he said was true and a very mature response.

Talk to your son. Acknowledge his pain. I was an older child when my parents divorced. My mom tried to get me to set aside my feelings for OW for the sake of moving on with my dad.

My response was simple: She could start floating in air, performing miracles, and get a halo on her head and she would not be welcome. I would never accept her in any capacity.

So acknowledge this in him. Engage him in conversation. He�s hurting A LOT. He wants a relationship with his mom but OM will always be an obstacle he can�t cross.

You put on a good show for your son. I know it sucks and it is very hard. Remember that you do it for him and no other reason.

Let your son vent to his mom and never try to dissuade his feelings about OM. Let those go where they will go. The day may come he will try to be around him or it may never come. My brother went and spent a week at my dad�s after he married OW. We were all shocked by this since the idea was completely alien to me and my sis, but my brother tried. It didn�t go all that great, but he made an effort.

There will come a point where you literally feel nothing about your ex. She will simply be a presence in your life that must be dealt with, like the electric bill is dealt with.

Ignore all correspondence that doesn�t deal with your kids directly.

You�re doing great and time does heal.

I strongly recommend you simply be alone for a good period of time. When you are free of your feelings for the ex, then you�ll be ready to date again.

What do I mean about being free of your feelings? Indifference. If she writes you with a rant or something that normally upset you and you greet such a thing with a shrug, then you know you�re on the right path.

BTW, I met my current wife on eH. Good site for matching up. Took a couple of tries and several different candidates, but I eventually met a woman that is a great match for me in every way.

I am over any feelings for my Ex but I am not anywhere near close to being over the hurt , loneliness and betrayal .I hear your advice ...I dont thinkg I have a choice but to wait a long time . Icebergs dont melt very quickly

"The sky in her world is a different color "!!!
I have to keep remembering that line that friend used to explain this new person my ex has become. Let me explain.
My boys and I spent the last two weeks of the summer enjoying ourselves on the shores of Lake Erie at our family cottage. My ex had allowed my young son to be me for this extended period .The day we are about to leave I got an e-mail stating " I hope you realize that I am on holidays the week you come back from the cottage .I am going away so please keep Matthew that extra week ."
I was floored. I die when he is away from me for 4 days ...... 3 weeks .....She is living in a different dimension than me .One that I really dont understand !
I sat my young son down and explained that he wasn't going to see his mother for 3 weeks .He asked me if that meant he was with me for 3 weeks .I replied yes .He yelled "Yaaaaaaa ,I wanted to be with you "!
Her loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to hear that your relationship with your children is so healthy.
Eventually the drug of OM will wear off. She will be left with nothing.

My younger son has no choice but to have a relationship with his mother (This is a good thing) , my older son ,14 yrs old, wants nothing to do with her (this is not good) , my 24yr old step daughter (raised in my home from 5 yrs old) is willing to talk with her mother when pushed ,my 25 yr old step son(same upbringing)wants absolutely nothing to do with his mother and thinks highly of me. I rely on the comparing her world versus mine to keep me sane .Even my step daughter ,despite allowing converstion with her mother, says that my ex will be a very very lonely old lady soon enough.

Recently I watched a documentary on survivors of 911 .In this documentary one of the rescuers was featured .He struggled with life since that fateful day .His now ex wife stated that when the planes hit the towers it was as if a huge hole was blown into his world.He fell into this hole and as of yet still hasnt found a way out. Upon hearing this I broke down crying .I could relate so much to that analogie.I couldn't have stated where I am better if I tried .I am stuck in a huge hole and as of yet have not found a way out yet ,but I'm trying.

2 years since D-day and the dropping of the "Immoral bomb" by my Ex .Well the day came and the day went .The sun rose and the sun set .And still I stand tall and upright . Monday November 1st 2008 at 10:30 pm I had just returned home after a week in Myrtle with a group of friends .My young sons were happily at the door to greet me .My wife was no where to be found .For some 5 months my apparently happy wife had been disassociating herself from everything involving myself , my young sons or anything in life which had been concidered normal . With no warning (I was willing to pay attention) to she dropped the bomb .
Only after 2 years did I finally come to realize she dropped the bomb not on me or my sons but on herself. God bless her .I hope she finds what she is looking for as the real answer exists within her own soul and no where else .

(((rod))) You are doing really well my friend.

Hi Rod,

I'm glad that you have focused on your family. How is your social life?