Scotty - even if I had, I wouldn't tell him. Isn't that the point of tracking? I'm snooping away. Can't find anything else on the computer thus far. No out of place folders, not even something tucked away in a random folder.

I'm gonna keep praying this is a bump. I can handle a bump. Wait. NO. I can handle anything. I can handle Plan A again. I will do plan B/D/FU myself if this is real. Gonna keep snooping....

I need an opinion. Say it's a week, two weeks, and I find NOTHING else. Nothing that even suggests something else going on. Do I sit him down and talk to him about what I DID find? Do I just keep that in the memory bank with all the rest of the betrayal from before? Now, obviously this is a hopeful outcome situation. I know what I'll do if the hopeful situation doesn't come about. But what if it does? I don't know if Dr. H covers this anywhere... Thoughts are welcome.

I would say that I personally WOULD ask about this. I would do it in a non-LB way. I would also make sure that there is no giving up of resources.

When you started the recovery with your WH, did you give him conditions? Were one of those conditions that he would understand that you would continue to snoop? I know that if my WH comes back, I am going to tell him that I am going to continue to snoop. He would also be free to snoop as well, as I would have nothing to hide.

oh yes, I've told him I will snoop. He shouldn't be surprised. His computer is in my view when I'm home, he tends to leave his cell upstairs when he is downstairs, and so forth. I don't let him KNOW I'm snooping, but he has left this available for me. I have given him permission as well, as I have absolutely nothing to hide.

God, how do you say WTF is this about w/o LB'ing? hmmm. Think I will need to plan that interaction carefully.

Consider this: is there a possibility that he wrote that as a red herring? Just to see if you really were snooping?

I would definitely not say anything. Time will tell if there's something there. He may be waiting for you to say something about that letter, and then he'll know for sure that you're keeping an eye on him and can act accordingly. If he's up to something he'll be more careful if you let on that you found that. If you don't and he's up to something, he may not be as cautious, thinking you're not really snooping. Then you'll know for sure.

oh, MB, hadn't really thought of that! I think you're completely right, if he knows I'm snooping, he will be much more cautious. If he doesn't, AND there is something going on, he won't be cautious.

Well, then lets hope it's just a red herring, as you said, and I'm gonna plan A my @$$ off, snoop until I can't snoop anymore, and we will see. Thank you.

Never mind.

Hi all, hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

Just want to check in. The holidays are always difficult to begin with for a variety of reasons, but we survived. DS got lots of neat stuff, he's in heaven.

I *think* that (F)WH and I are doing better. He is increasingly affectionate and really seems to want to spend a lot of time together, meeting a lot of each other's needs. I know that there are still things we continually need to work on, but at the moment, it's been good. We're learning things that I think should have been learned years ago. Better late than never I guess.

I think the hardest thing for me currently is that the anniversary of D-day is coming up. Fast. I am trying not to obsess about it, but the thoughts seem to invade my mind. I don't want to LB, obviously. I want to be able to survive the "anniversary" of this horrible day. How do you do it? What do you do to make this easier?

What is your F(?)WH doing to help you through this trying time of DDAY?

Are you spending the 20+ hours a week of UA? Are you meeting those 4 most important needs during that time? No excuses CD.... You KNOW what works.

So, I figure I'd better give an update - it's been almost 2 months.

I have successfully passed the anniversary of D-day. It was a tough, but I knew it would likely be. I know I have been constantly thinking of my H's A, the OW, things that led up to his choice to start an A, etc. H has been supportive and understanding, even though he says he doesn't really "get it." I've started asking him more questions. I don't know why I have to ask now. He's giving me answers though. I still can't bring myself to ask the one question that has been on my mind - did they actually "do it." I keep telling myself no, then yes, then no again. It's on the tip of my tongue, it's on my mind, but I just can't ask. Why is that so tough to ask? Or better yet, why am I obsessing over it? I've been tested and know I'm good, so it's not that. I don't know.

Otherwise, things are going well. We took a vacation right around the anniversary of D-day and left DS with the grandparents. 3 days of just us. It was wonderful, just to spend time with H. And it was well worth it. H has also found his romantic side again. I feel like he really wants me to be with me, more than I've felt in years. Even when we're not together, he's sending me sweet text messages now. He never did that before.

I guess more than an update I just wanted to give some hope to those who have active waywards in their lives, who think life has ended. I thought that too a year ago. I thought I lost the love of my life. I thought I would be going at life alone. I thought that b**** POSOW had 'won'. But I fought back for my family. I fought for myself, my mind, my own recovery. I'm better now than I ever was before. Still have bumps and hiccups, but better than before, definitely.

I just want to wish you well, but please, do proper snooping. As a woman who was gaslighted for almost 3 years by my xh, I know the signs and feelings of this going on.

When you want to believe the ws but feel in your gut something is just wrong, then it probably is. Even if they tell you you are "being silly" or try to talk you into not believing your gut instinct when they swear they are telling the truth.

Kudos to you standing up for your family and happy for your trip. But remember, stay vigilent, and do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. Being gaslighted is a serious form of spousal abuse.

Thank you Peachy. I definitely will keep snooping, that is a must. I learned after last time to listen to my gut that something else is going on. I didn't listen to my gut and was in the dark for almost a month. Never again.