Shanvan,

Sorry you are here.


You mentioned "cycles" apparently describing the cycles of other women he went through but could this also be a bi-polar cycling thing. My FIL was bi-polar and was the nicest fun family guy when not cycling and like clockwork, every three years he "cycled" into a monster for about 6 months. Eventually his heart gave out at at 60 and he died about 3 or 4 years ago.

Just want to rule out mental disorders first. Multiple affairs would be a common symptom of many of them.


As far as serial cheaters recovering...

I heard Dr. Harley say (on his radio show or videos) that recovering with a serial cheater is difficult and probably not advisable but if someone out there wants to do it...then, in order to be successful he suggests the serial cheater must utilize extra extra extraordinary precautions. What this means is a serial cheater...must commit himself to recovering and working a recovery program AND an accountability program. Such accountability program means to you is that your husband would have to be accountable for every minute of his time to you AND find a way to not have ANY contact with the opposite sex outside your presence.

He doesn't run up to the store alone. You go together.
He doesn't have a guys night out...not even a trip to the neighbors alone.
He doesn't work in a co-ed environment...in fact, it'd be best if HE found a way to work TOGETHER at home or in an office (again with no other women around).


See the problem isn't he's got issues with ONE particular OW that he must go "no contact" on to work recovery. He's addicted to affairs with any woman that pays attention to him. ANY woman is a potential partner and any contact he has with any woman outside your presence is cruel to you (since you'll be expected to "trust" him if you love him...which you shouldn't).


If you KNOW those conditions aren't possible. If you know he'd never work at home or with you somewhere. If you KNOW he won't give up his independent activities to protect you (which it's sometimes hard to know because people CAN change). But if you just KNOW...the nature of his line of work and the nature of his abilities (can he work at home) that he couldn't do the above list of things in order to make you feel safe in a recovered marriage with him...then you may want to save yourself the trouble of trying.

Your call. I don't mean to be discouraging but at the same time you've kinda got to be realistic here. Say we help you bust up this affair...then what? This is not healthy FOR YOU and YOU MATTER TOO.

Mr. Wondering

Yes, I heard the same advice from Dr. H about my very own WH. Dr. H said that it would be very unlikely that my WH would agree to have me as his only woman for the rest of his life. Such is the nature of a serial cheater.
WH and i worked together and did all the recreational activities together...however, as Dr. H pointed out, these kinds of waywards need to be with you 24/7 and as soon as he went home from work (he went home 2 hours earlier that I every day) guess who he hooked up with? The neighbor woman...so, you see, he can't be left alone a minute because as soon as anothe woman makes herself available he is game.
He, like your WH, is addicted to the feeling of falling in love with someone new and will always be vulnerable to the attentions that any other somewhat attractive woman gives him....
Do you want to live the rest of your life like a watchdog...?
Also, do you honestly think your WH would agree to see you and only you for the rest of his life?
Look what he is doing now....
It does not look promising...
blessing