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"On a side note, its funny how its just you and I talking now." Either no one likes you or many people are doing their UA time on the weekends so posting is slower then the weekdays, or both.  All I can say is you are doing a pretty good long distance plan A.
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Woot, Your brainstorming for EN's was VERY productive... The training for a bike road race WITH YOU would meet several EN's at the same time i.e. affection (doing something she enjoys), recreational companionship (strenous together activity) and the possibility of biking to an undisclosed motel or campground you can enjoy SF in a new enviornment with her!!! I would buy a SECOND copy of that book and send it to her NOW and I would find SOMEWAY to purchase TWO of the road bikes she was talking about, one for you and one for her. Before you say it's too expensive let me remind you that a divorce will cost a LOT more both in money and emotional devastation. Mrs.Flint loved horseback riding and horses WITH A PASSION... So guess who went out and bought the prettiest Appaloosa mare that I really couldn't afford at the time. She wept. It was the best INVESTMENT I ever made... Think about it.  Jim And by the way, I promise you if I or anyone else gives you bad advice or you quit trying to recover your M we will have a LOT of company on this thread! 
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Woot, sometimes, people read but just don't have anything to add. Look at your views and you will see how it goes up.
Also, JF was giving you some excellent advice. Theroad is right though, weekends are most definitely slower.
I like what JF suggested to you. Do these things. You are doing an excellent job.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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To TheRoad: I meant here on MB. Lol.
To Jim: Hmm, I have been tossing around the idea of getting two road bikes. They are quite expensive but you are right.
Another thing we have enjoyed doing together is camping. So for Christmas I already bought us camping gear. A tent, two chairs like she likes, a cooler, latern, etc. We had to rent that stuff previously, so I bought it for us.
Since it does nothing to send it to her for xmas being in the desert, I was going to set it all up in the living room and take a picture with me and the cats together in front of it. Then on xmas day send her an email saying "Merry Christmas. Here is my gift to you, so that we can do this together." or something along those lines.
I will look into the road bikes and probably purchase them before she gets home. Then when she gets home they will be like a surprise.
I haven't sold "her" motorcycle, even though she said I should to buy myself a racing suit. So I'm keeping that until she gets back, so we can go ride those together. Its something we both really enjoyed as well.
Should I keep the bikes a surprise? Or send her a picture of them when I purchase them? I'm torn.
I also got a book of 101 hikes to do around the SF Bay area. I was going to read through it, and pick out like 5 that I really wanted to do with her. Then send that along, letting her know "When you get back, lets hike these together."
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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I wouldn't buy WW a bike without her input.
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I wouldn't buy WW a bike without her input. Better to wait till she got home.
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We have been to the local bike shop to test ride a few, and I know for a fact right now she'll say no, don't buy me anything.
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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Of course she will.
I am NOT a BH and I was not a WW so take this post as it is being given. If you are in Plan A, you need to do things for your WW that you would do. Things that you would be able to continue to do even after she were to return to the marriage.
I like the idea about buying her that book and sending it to her. I also like the idea of you buying YOURSELF a bike and getting into riding, if that is something that you would like to do. You could even buy yourself a silly looking riding outfit and take a pic of you on it and send that to her as a laff. Say something silly like, "Hey little girl, wanna ride? HAHAHA"
The camping stuff? What happens if she doesn't come back? What would you do with the camping stuff? I also don't know that would be a good Christmas present. Just saying.
These are good ideas, and you can continue to brainstorm things out. You've got some time.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I got the camping stuff knowing that if she didn't come back, it would be something I could enjoy. It's an "us" gift, so if she leaves I can still use it.
What makes it not a good gift? What would be better?
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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I can just hear her to her friends, "And you know what I got for Christmas, CAMPING GEAR. HAHAHAHAHA"
It just seems that sometimes, men get women practical gifts and think that they should be PERFECT. They usually aren't. Not saying that this is true for your WW, it's true for women in general.
There are supposed to be NO EXPECTATIONS in Plan A. That means that you do things and DON'T expect ANY response. Not a good one, not a bad one. You just do them because they are the right thing to do. Something that you SHOULD do as a husband. Plan A is supposed to show the WS that the BS has a WILLINGNESS and ABILITY to meet ENs in the FUTURE.
Keep brainstorming.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Well now I'm screwed because I thought that would be an amazing gift. Now i don't know what to get her...
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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Woot, Your gifts to her should reflect what a woman wants... which is that her H has put THOUGHT and CARE and CONCERN for her... it should be a REFLECTION of his feelings for her... which PRACTICALITY is not... just like a fishing pole is not a wise gift... It should be a little sentimental... a little romantic... a little impulsive... and show a lot of love. If the road trip biking is what she is in to I would maybe go with some other things that relate to that... maybe an outfit... maybe show her a trip you have planned using your bikes complete with a route... and literature about the area and things to see and do... and motels and campgrounds in the area. Things that required THOUGHT and PLANNING... FOR HER. Showing the very thing that was lacking in YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE... CARE AND ATTENTION FOR HER. Those are some ideas you can consider doing from a distance and I would also STAY IN TOUCH with her mom and hit her up for any additional ideas she may have expressed to her as possible things for you to consider. Like Scottie said... KEEP BRAINSTORMING!!! Jim
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Woot,
A side not to staying in touch with her mom reveals to her mother that you are SERIOUS about the changes you are making in your relationship and NOT simply using her mom to try and get your W back.
She is an IMPORTANT person in your W's life and has INFLUENCE on her thoughts about you. If you can convince her mother that you would be the right path for her daughter to take she will support you.
Show her that her daughter is your NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE and that you WILL CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU HAVE MADE IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Jim
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Well now I'm screwed because I thought that would be an amazing gift. Now i don't know what to get her... I don't think it's a bad gift. Sell it as UA time, romantic weekends, fun vacations, good times. These are criterias for a great gift.
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Well the book about biking is in the mail, along with a book about running. Both of which she took an interest in prior to leaving. I looked long and hard for something "lovey" to put in the mail, but couldn't think of anything. I wrote about wanting to train for a ride/run or a triathalon together. I didn't say this earlier, but ever since I exposed it about two weeks ago now I haven't been trying to make contact with her. Then Friday morning as I was heading in to work she initiated with "Hi." Well here is the conversation: Her Me
hi
Hi
What's up?
Just got into ALS, in 15 minutes
we go form up for inspection
and reveille.
oh
do you have to wear your blues
everyday?
*Wife's Name*, your mom needs help. She
got an unexpected bill that is
eating her entire paycheck. How
do I send her some money?
No, we rock blues twice a week,
and bdu's the other days.
No service coats, but a tie must
be worn.
I can send her some right now -
it may take a few days to go
through tho b/c of her bank
can you tell my mom I sent her $750
Sure, I'll call her this evening.
i can't call anyone all the
comms are down around here
if you get on sipr i'll tell you why
k
Did I send you my sipr email?
Because I can go at lunch and get on sipr.
no
Hmm, well I'll go in today and
get my address. I'm at ALS so I
can't just hop on right now.
Sorry :(
One of the cops in my class has
his fiance at bagram too, so he
is scared for her. He heard y'all
were on heightened alert.
Well *Wife*, I have to go form up. I
love you.
And I miss your horribly.
mhmm
I hope you stay safe. This cop guy
isn't the only one worried, I'm
worried about you too.To translate some of it: ALS - A leadership school I am attending. BDUs - normal uniform Blues - Dress uniform Sipr - Classified network, that we both can access. Now, she initiated that conversation and I hadn't sent her any messages/emails since I exposed it, and she blew up at me for doing so. Any thoughts?
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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Ohh, and should I try and talk to her more now? Or just let her initiate conversations.
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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I've been constantly talking with her mother, but still no communication between us other than that conversation.
I'm debating sending her mother the surviving an affair book. Think that's a good idea?
The book spells out almost to a T things that happened along the way.
Me: 24 WW: 25 Married: April 13th 2007 Kids: None OM1: Discovered 7 Jan 2011 / OM2: Discovered Aug 2010 Wife is currently deployed to Afghanistan.
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Ohh, and should I try and talk to her more now? Or just let her initiate conversations. Woot, You should continue to Plan A and continue talking to her about things that are upbeat and your plans for you two. You should try and be thoughtful and meeting the EN's you can from a distance. DO NOT bring up the affair and if she does your only comments should be that you are interested in recovering your M, taking care of her and looking ahead NOT behind you. Jim
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I've been constantly talking with her mother, but still no communication between us other than that conversation.
I'm debating sending her mother the surviving an affair book. Think that's a good idea?
The book spells out almost to a T things that happened along the way. What do you mean by "talking to her mother constantly, but still no communication between us other than conversation?" Jim
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JF, you missed the "That" in that quote. He is talking about his WW and that they had that ONE conversation through text. He is talking to his MIL about things but he hasn't spoken to WW. I OFTEN translate english into english for my friends.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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