Think that is a great idea. Buy the book and give it to MIL.

Thanks Scottie.

Guess it's about time for this cowboy to get some reading glasses...

You won't tell anybody, will you?

Jim

Of course not.

Woot,

Have you been texting or calling your W and she won't respond or have neither of you attempted contact?

Jim

We chatted last Thursday with that conversation above, but since then I haven't tried to make contact.

I've only gotten one phone call since she left in early sept, they are tough from her location, she said she has to walk 15 minutes to a phone in order to call people. I somewhat believe her, since she hasn't even spoken to her Mom in a month.

Woot,

Well, she is getting an emotional contact somewhere with someone...

Who do you think she is getting it from?

You need to remember that one of the reasons she may not WANT to talk to her mom is because she is not wanting to HEAR what she is doing is wrong...

I think right now you need to step up the positive contact as much as you can.

Would it be possible for you to schedule a time for her to take a phone call from you or for her to call you?

Is receiving text from you also require her to walk to a phone?

She needs contact with YOU by whatever means you can do it!!!

She can get instant messages while at work through aol instant messenger. Phones and text messages are pretty much non existent when you are deployed. So my options are hand written letters, email, and instant messenger.

I will try and strike up a conversation with her tonight. Don't really know what to say, since I feel awkward as hell not talking to her for like two weeks, and the start of that two weeks was the exposure and her saying "I'm going to file next week."

I remember reading something about being able to receive emails. Maybe you could do a good morning email at the same time everyday. Don't get discouraged if she gets mad about them, you are in Plan A and this is what you could change even after you recover. What wife wouldn't love to have a good morning message from their H everyday to let her know he is thinking about her? This is why you would be doing it. Not to worry about if she is reading it. Soon enough, she would expect it.


I would think that a simple, "Good morning my wife(actually use "my wife"), woke up to a beautiful sunny morning and thought about you. Have a spectacular day. Love your adoring husband." If it is a cloudy day you could say, "Good morning my wife, woke up and the day was gloomy, but thinking about you is that little ray of sunshine that will help me get through my day. Love your loveable husband."

Then once a week, I would include a remember when type thing. Tie it in to the morning message.

I am certain you get the picture.

And as far as the present for her for xmas, I had an idea. Is there anything that you remember her wanting from her childhood? What was her favourite book as a child? A favourite toy? Just brainstorming here. Don't buy anything yet, let's see where we can go with it.

Woot,

All you are wanting to do in the beginning is resume contact with her.

Keep it light and newsy with things you have been doing and news from your neighborhood.

Fun things to tell her about.

News about your family and your friends.

Jot down a few talking points first to keep it flowing.

DO NOT DRAG IT OUT.

Keep it upbeat and then sign off before it gets awkward.

You're doing fine.

I had another thought about the morning emails. You could send it at the same time every day. A time when you think she could read it soon after. Do it for a few weeks. And then one day, you do it later than usual with an apology for why it was late.

See, my dad told me that if I ever wanted a job really badly that I was to do this. Take a resume into the workplace every day at the same time, say 10am. I would do this for about a month. Then one day, I would call them at 930am and say, "I am sorry, my car broke down today and I will not be able to bring in my resume at 10am. I am going to be late." I never did try it, but he said this showed that you would be reliable.

I like Scottie's idea of sending it at the same time each day.

Even if she doesn't admit it to herself in the beginning she WILL start to EXPECT you to write if it is interesting and fun for her.

Put a little hometown news in it and maybe a joke you have read.

Ask her opinion on things she is interested in like the bike riding.

Keep it fun for her to read.

Get her hooked on you again.

See woot, this is how a forum is supposed to work. A bunch of people, with different experiences and ideas come together to devise a plan and you implement it on your end. Soon enough, you will be figuring out how to do it on your own.

I would also say that you shouldn't ask if she received the messages or even if she intends on answering them. She will most likely only mention them in saying that it is too little too late, or that it is annoying her. As long as you want to do it, you keep doing it. And I PROMISE you that she WILL expect them. And she WILL notice the one that comes late. She may never mention it, but it will be on her mind. And, as I was told during my Plan A, the more time that I get in my WH's head, the less time OW has in there.

Lol, so screwing with her head in a good way with the late email?
Hahaha, you actually have me laughing, I love it.
I'm not being sarcastic, I really do like the idea.

Hmmm, now the childhood thing. I'm thinking long and hard, but this might be something I need to enlist her mother's help for. I like the idea, just need to find the thing that's right.

Ohh, and for the email. Due to the time difference, she gets to work at 9:30 pm my time, and works untill 10:00am my time. So basically while I'm asleep.

I'm thinking the best time to send it is as soon as I wake up, which is midway through her day.

That sounds good. As long as you are sure that you can do it at the same time everyday.

Remember, you are doing this because this is what you would do to meet your spouse's needs, not to get a reaction or non reaction from your WW.

Okay, another idea for the gift. Was there any cute saying you guys used to have with each other? See, my WH and I would say, "I love you lots and lots of tinker tots." So, if I was suggesting something for my WH to buy me, it would be a tinker tot. Although, I have NO IDEA what that is.

Hmm. Not really cutesy, but we would say "forever and ever, no matter what."
Don't know what I could do with that.

Snowboarding has been a really large part of our life. Both of us became ski patrollers, and we look forward to the winter more than summer.
I'm thinking about take a small vial with me next weekend as I head to the hills, then scooping up some snow in it. I'll write in the snow "I miss you" and then take a picture with me filling the vial. Then a website calls thinkgeek sells a product that emulates snow, if you just add water. So I can buy a small bucket of that and send it along.

Do you think that will help with meeting a need? Or reminding her of better times that we spent snowboarding.

An inside joke between us has been "What like a puma?"

I could get her a little stuffed puma.

I sent her an email yesterday in the morning, and in half an hour I'm going to do it again.

Think that would be a great idea!

It shows affection and thought not to mention a reminder of good times with you.

Add a little card with it saying something to the effect that she can snuggle with Puma until you can be together to snuggle in person and how much you are looking forward to seeing her again.

Jim

I'm writing her a Christmas letter right now, so I'd like to share it to get some more eyes on it. Feedback is much appreciated.

Updated a tiny bit.


My dearest Juliette,

Ever since I placed a ring on your finger over 3 years ago Christmas has had a deeper meaning to me.

You've always known that its a special time for me, a time for family, and a time for love. Well 3 years ago (actually 4) you became a part of that family, you became a part of that love.

That love burns so strongly inside me that I would be warm nude inside a blizzard. Every waking thought goes to you, every phone beep I hope is from you, and every starward gaze is hoping you are looking at the same sky.

One of your Christmas gifts is a snowboard magazine. The real gift lies within that magazine. There is an article about a snowboarding trip to Japan for under two grand. When I first started snowboarding I heard about Japan, and saw a few videos from there. Ever since I've longed to go to Japan and ride their mountains and experience their culture. But more importantly, I want to do it with you. So the real gift is a promise to you: By our 5th anniversary, I want to have snowboarded in Japan together.

Julie, I love you and I never want to spend another Christmas apart. Even though I'm going home to be with family, it won't be even close to the same feeling of specialness when the person I love and care about the most isn't there for me to spend it with.

I love you, forever and ever.

-woot

Well I read that letter to my mom and she liked it so I wrote it and mailed it along with her Christmas gifts.

On a side note, to anyone mailing something to someone oversees, use those flat rate boxes. It was $40 to mail her a medium sized box. Lol!