I did think about that before getting married. At the time, there were other things that were more pressing issues. Ever heard the saying, "have your cake and eat it too". I was not at a point where I could have both, had to choose one, and I went with the opportunity I actually had at the time.

Besides her weight, she is just average, even with losing weight I honestly dont know what level of attraction there would be. I actual recall when first getting to know her, that I thought to myself, "if she lost weight, would I be able to be physically attracted to her". I never really answered that question for myself. Since then the weight has really only gone up. And she does not do much to change that either, which is very discouraging, especailly when I have tried to help at times.

Happiness is...

Blooming where you are planted.


You don't get married to be happy. You get married to be married.

You chose.

Maybe you chose unwisely...but that doesn't entitled you to choose again.

Sorry...them's the breaks. So man up and TRY to make things the best they can be using a MARITAL RECOVERY PLAN, including radical honesty about whatever or whomever it is you are having these other feelings about (your point of comparison that's lying to you telling you that you can do better than what you've got).

Mr. W

Tom, I have been following this thred for a few days now and the more I read the more upset I get. You do not need MB because it is clear that you do not want to fix your marriage, what you need is a counselor. You are not happy because you are a shallow man. You focus to much an appearance and some extravegant fiancnial flexibility, but are not willing to work for it. You want to blame everyone around you for how unhappy you are, but you are the one who is making choices that make you unhappy. Remember apperance and money will never make you happy.

Just as an FYI, I am an attractive person, have been told on the scale 1 � 10 (10 being higest) I would be a solid 9. I am not bragging, but want to tell you something. As an attractive person what I want, is for man to look at me and see me as a person, as an individual, not just an a*** and b****. Based on these posts you are the type of man that makes me want to throw-up, because all you care about is physical apperance and could care less about who the person really is.

You are liying to yourself and this woman you are with, no wonder you are not happy, how can you be happy if you are living a lie.

So do me a favor, sopt posting these redicuals things that you want to work on your marriage, because you don�t you just want to use the woman you are with and exchange her for a Barbi Dall with a rich daddy, when you are done�. Good look finding hapiness with this approach.

If this is not approprite for this website, I apologize, but I just had to be brutally honest.

When I first met my H...he was a scrawny kid...which did not attract me at all...he was like David Bowie skinny, NOT MY TYPE...but i went on a date with him and he was sweet, still wasnt physically attracted to him, he had a mole on his neck that disgusted me.... He pursued and long story short (very long) I kept seeing him and eventually I loved that mole, I fell in love with that scrawny kid, Physically and emotionally...and to this day, after all he has done to me now, I am still in love with that man...because he was a good man that treated me good and the rest followed...

It is possible...

Then you are hiding it very well. All I'm seeing is

1. You're not attracted to her.
2. You complain about her.
3. You are not interested in using knowledge that will help your M.
4. You are willing to allow outside influences to endanger the health of your M. (You should NEVER use another woman's shoulder to 'lean on'! Are you KIDDING ME?? )
5. You keep secrets from her.
6. You lie to her.
7. You lie to yourself.
8. You believe people should just 'be happy.' Like they should just 'have a bagel for breakfast' or just 'buy a pair of socks.' No effort. No commitment. Just 'be happy.' And you're saying this AFTER asking your W to commit to you in marriage.

Nope. I don't see any instance where you're trying to do anything. The only effort I see you making is to engage in debate with marriage building posters about how sucky your M is.

Then why do you go to a marriage building website and refuse all advice?

Probably. That is what my Xh did. And I still look ok....just not 20 any more. Course he isn't either. Hee hee. The funny part is my new husband is so hot. Much hotter than my XH will EVER be. Maybe Tom's wife will trade HIM in for someone better. Oh wait, that would be wrong. Sorry.

Why don't you try telling her that she's ON the two-way street?

Somehow you found your way to the Marriage Builders website. Marriage Builders gave you this nice, shiny toolbox. The forum community continually shows you the great tools and suggests how to use them well and what the benefits are and what results can be achieved. For some reason you keep coming back to your toolbox and opening it, looking at the stuff inside. But you refuse to take one single tool out and try it. You close it up and walk away.

What are you afraid of?

He is afraid it will be too much work.....

No he just dosn't want to do the work ... he wants someone to do it for him

I want to lose weight...but this lying around and eating isnt working...anyone have any advice? I just want to be thin though, I dont want it to be too much work. I want it to just "happen".

I know, I know...I will start my own thread on OT....so we can talk about it for 300 posts and I wont do anything about it. Ill call it "I want to lose weight without doing anything"...Make sure yall post on it yhear...

lol....
I am not sure I wonder if Tom has some advice....??
Once you get some good feedback I may use the strategy on some of my projects.
We do need to ba carful though, what if we start being unhappy�. But wait we can just blame others and everything will be fine because it will be someone elses fault.

I love to eat...so I am not gonna stop overeating...Hmmmmmm...and exercise is too hard....so I am not gonna do that...

So only post if you have other advice, okay?

I tried a new diet yesterday. I didn't lose any weight so obviously it doesn't work...no point in trying it any longer.

And I am saying that it can be that way if you follow this program.

Yeah, I wouldnt waste my time on it any longer either, sunnydaze...

He doesnt want to work on this program... He doesnt want to do it the tried and true way...he wants it to just "happen".

I hate to pile on, but there are 5000 guys on this site trying to get their ugly/average and beautiful wives back. Putting everything we have into it.

Maybe thats what you need. Maybe she should go find someone else and then you'll realize a little age and weight doesn't mean squat.

No disrespect or insult from me, but its like you are speaking a whole other language. I just don't get it...!