ugh. What kind of woman has 3 kids by the age of 21 and no husband? Sadly, the same kind that will have an affair with a married man.
Who brought this girl up? Where did her morals and values come from? And is this the kind of character and value she's teaching her 3 young children?

Sad.

Please Vivi -- expose this all at once. Your husband will be upset -- so you may as well get it all done at once, and he can get over it.
He will try every trick in the book to through you off the trail.
He will deny, reason, lie, etc. -- its called gaslighting.
He will try to make YOU think you are a crazy jealous wife who really has NOTHING to worry about!

vivi,

You need to get this affair exposed. Tell EVERYONE.


Cockroaches scatter when the light is turned on. The reason is they don't want to get stomped on for doing their dirty work.

Shed light on the affair. Those two will try to tell others that YOU are crazy, they are "just friends", that you or her boyfriend "made" them talk to each other because of the way he/she has been treated, that the affair is not sexual, that it "just happened" and wasn't planned, and all sorts of stupid crap.


Your WH will say, "I will never forgive you for exposing the affair". He will also probably tell you that he "can't trust you" anymore, since you exposed the affair and would not protect his secret. He will tell you that he was "going" to end the affair, but now that YOU EXPOSED IT he just isn't going to end it because YOU are such a B)*& and the OW needs him and understands him more than you, and that you obviously hate him and the marriage can't be fixed because YOU EXPOSED, yadda-yadda.

He will say he "needs space" because now that you exposed he doesn't think he wants to be with you, because you have ruined his reputation.

Let him say all those things. You need to know they are coming your way, so expose and be prepared for all of the above and more.


Whenever he says one of these stupid things, you say:

"I love you and I want our marriage to recover. It cannot recover with the OW in the middle of US."


Don't listen to his garbage. He is a liar and will do anything to keep you from stopping the affair. Advocate for your love, and for your marriage. Tell him that you are doing everything you can to save your marriage, and that you are not going to let an insignificant OW destroy your relationship with him.


Because the affair is NOT about the other woman.
It is about your husband. He went outside the marriage to seek something........and your job now is to destroy that relationship, figure out what went wrong in YOUR marriage, and start working on ways to fix those wrong things.


It is NOT about the OW. It never is.


SB

Is that really necessary.

Awww...come on. It was kinda funny.

So true. Well said SB. Wow.

Not really. It's a Disrespectful Judgment.

They kind of smart, don't they?

He is doing everything u just wrote. I have always trusted my husband. As this young girl got older she started hanging around alot. Being the way that I am I thought nothing of it because we treated her like a daughter. Her father raised her and she is still living with him with her 3 kids. It was her boyfriend that notice certain things like texting back and forth and she would leave the kids with him to sit in the garage with my husband (She just lives down the street from us) He put the babies in the stroller and brought them to her and left. I thought he was just a jealous young man who needed to grow up cause I was like who would be upset with a 51 year old married man talking to his girlfriend. I feel like he was smarter than me

You are so right. Thats where we make our mistake by going off on the OW. I want my marriage to work. His favorite saying is "for every action is a reaction"

vivi, has this young woman (OW) still been coming around the house?

Bring us up to speed.

Have you exposed this affair to family and friends?

Yes she is. She lives with her dad with her 3 kids. I babysit two of them (We are the God parents) I am like what is wrong with me that I feel sorry for this kids. My husband and her keeps denying anything has happen between them. She came crying to me that she would never do anything that low. The naked pics she sent were meant for her boyfriend. I am like little girl i have known you since the age of 12 and now you are 21. You have stayed in my home when you were pregnant with your 3rd child. My husband is trying to make me feel bad for even thinking anything has happen between them. I have so much to tell you guys. I feel so stupid right now. I used to have so much respect for my husband. Her boyfriend who works for my husband ask her what is going on between them and she told him they were just friends. what in the world do you two have common they you are always texting each.

He was at Wal Mart with her and my girlfriend ran into him and he text me real quick saying he ran into her She called me and said he looked real nervous when he seen her. He also text me saying I ran into our god children too and the babygirl ask to spend the night with me. What is wrong with him thinking I would believe that story after he accidently text me asking "where r u" My girlfriend said he was talking so fast she just looked at him like what is wrong you man

Vivi, what you need to do is somehow distance yourself from your emotions and make sure that you make cool, level-headed decisions. This is the hardest thing in the world to do given the betrayal you are going through. Occasionally you will crack and get upset or cry or scream at them etc but that's human. You just need to pull yourself back on track and back to the plan.

Have you exposed? You need to expose to the father of this girl (I assume you have already exposed fully to the boyfriend since he is the one with the initial suspicions. You need to expose to close family and, difficult as it must be, you need to back away from this woman's children. I know you must feel so sorry for them but she has chosen to destroy their relationship with you and there is very litte you can do about it.

Nah. Probably not. I've gotta work on that. C'mon, Tom. I know you've got a funny bone in there somewhere.

Maybe less trusting, vivi. I wouldn't say 'smarter'.

vivi, have you considered that any of her children may be your WH's?

You need to tell this young woman that she and her children are no longer welcome in your home, because of her adultery with your WH.

Don't let yourself be drawn into an argument. She will try to make sure you lose it, or at least doubt your sanity. (In case you wondered, YOU ARE SANE!!!)

She and your WH have destroyed any relationship you could have had with those kids, and the sooner the break is made, the better for everyone.

WH will be really mad, too. Stay calm, and just say, "Because of your adultery with that woman, you have destroyed our relationship with those children. I believe in our marriage. I know we can be happy again, as soon as there are only two of us. Three is too many."

"Her boyfriend who works for my husband ask her what is going on between them and she told him they were just friends. what in the world do you two have common they you are always texting each."



Even the BF knows something is not right. This BF needs to get paternity tests done.

You need NC for you and your WH with this OW. That BF needs a new job so he has NC with your WH as well.

yes. They are not his. She had paternity test on all 3 becuase of the guys she had been with. The last baby she wasnt sure if it was her boyfriend child or some other she was dealing with at the same time. It was the other guy's child but her boyfriend treats the baby like his (he is such a good guy that wanted to marry this girl) only the little girl is his and she is the one that I am really attached to.

yes. They are not his. She had paternity test on all 3 becuase of the guys she had been with. The last baby she wasnt sure if it was her boyfriend child or some other she was dealing with at the same time. It was the other guy's child but her boyfriend treats the baby like his (he is such a good guy that wanted to marry this girl) only the little girl is his and she is the one that I am really attached to. Her boyfriend is trying to get into another department because he longer wants to work for my husband. My husband saying I gave him that job because of the kids and he needs to respect me. How can this young man respect him when this young man knows something is going on. My husband just calls him a jealous fool who needs to grow up. That you man told her u need to stop calling that married man. His wife takes care of the kids (two of them and the older child stays with his dad alot)

vivi, did you see the papers yourself? Or are you just going by what she told you?

Your WH is acting like a man with two wives who wants to be the ruler of his own little polygamous kingdom, including this OW's boyfriend. As long as he is allowed to do this, and there are no consequences, he will NEVER stop.

And please understand: The fact that you or anyone else is hurt or upset about this is NOT a consequence for him. He absolutely will not care unless and until he starts losing family members and/or his job/money.